More than we seem?
by Dreamsofvalhalla
Summary: Ana and Christian have been "negotiating" their relationship for the past 2 months. They go out in public and he has shared his past with her, but Ana has not agreed to the playroom, CG has not let her touch him and neither have said those 3 little words. Tonight is going to be different and their true feelings are going to put to the test. Can CG give her what she needs?
1. Chapter 1

Summary

Ana and Christian have been "negotiating" their relationship for the past 2 months. They go out in public and he has shared his past with her, but Ana has not agreed to the playroom, CG has not let her touch him and neither have said those 3 little words. Tonight is going to be different and their true feelings are going to put to the test. Can CG give her what she needs? Not a writer and first time writing a fanfiction, please be gentle.

**Ana POV**

"I can't believe that he has dragged me to another stupid Gala, this is soooo DULL", Ana's subconscious and inner goddess both chime in agreement. Normally she would tell them where to stick it but tonight she had to wholeheartedly agree.

It's Friday night and they are yet again attending some charity function that Christian decided would

be beneficial for business if they were to attend. If not for the thought of what they were going to do when they got out of here she would probably be bored out of her mind.

"Christian, how much longer do we have to stay?" She looked up at him with longing and hope in her big blue eyes.

"Not much longer beautiful, I promise. Finding it tedious, are we?" That damn smirk he was wearing made her melt right there and he knew it, smug bastard.

"Yes, and you know you are too. " She told him, smiling brightly as he brought her in for a tender embrace.

"I'm quite sure I can think of something to remedy that if you'll just give me a few moments more, Anastasia." He whispered in her ear while ever so slightly grinding his hips against her.

"FINE, I'll just go freshen up a bit but then we ARE leaving and you WILL make good on that promise" She rolled her eyes and giggled knowing that in public he was powerless to spank her with that twitchy palm of his.

Walking to the bathroom she felt a feeling of dread descend on her. "What is that about?" she thought to herself as she opened the door and found her worse nightmare staring back at her. "God this is exactly what I needed" her subconscious sneered.

"Anastasia" Elena oozed confidence as she spoke and it just pissed Ana off beyond belief.

"Elena", "I mentioned to Christian that I noticed a foul odor upon entering the hall, I should have realized it was you."

"I'd watch that mouth of yours, you mousey little bitch or it won't just be Christian's interest that you will lose!" Elena spewed with as much venom as she could pack.

Ana just smirked in return "Dear Elena, you cannot possibly still be going on about Christian being yours you poor old fool! Please for everyone's sake just crawl back into whatever hole you came out of. I'm sure no one would notice your absence." Take that you old cow.

Ana could only be thankful for Ray's training and her quick reflexes as she caught Elena by the wrist when the older woman tried in vain to smack her across the face.

"Leave NOW, Elena, before this gets uglier than you already are!" Ana screamed as she pushed the vile woman away from her.

"Fine! I'll go but remember this you BITCH! He'll never truly be yours. All he wants is to control you and use you as arm candy so his family stops questioning him about his sex life. He WILL tire of you and when he does he'll run right back to me like he always has before. And I'll only be too happy to welcome him back to MY bed, the bed he has graced SO many times before." And now laughing like a loon Elena backed out of the bathroom leaving Ana shocked and reeling.

Finally alone Ana released a long breath she hadn't known she was holding. She let her thoughts run wild. It couldn't be true, could it? She was enough for him. He was interested in her for more than just sex and control, wasn't he? True, they had never actual came straight out and said they cared for each other as more than just bed buddies. It was always just understood on her end. Was it on his? She never thought to question his feelings before or her own for that matter.

She just stood there in the bathroom for what felt like an eternity. "Think about it you silly **!" Her subconscious screamed. "The pain in your heart right now, how your whole world stops when he walks in the door, YOU LOVE HIM! Go ahead try to imagine being without him." No" she whispered feeling confused and beaten. "Don't look at me, we all know I love him. Damn that man is H-O-T not to mention other parts of his anatomy that should be as illegal as taking drugs." Her inner goddess winked. Lord she was not helping.

Looking at herself in the mirror she thought if she was truly honest with herself she did love him and she had absolutely no idea what he felt about her. At that moment she made a decision. She was going to put the Great Christian Grey to the test.

Leaving the bathroom Ana was just a bundle of nerves. This is going to be bad, she thought to herself. At the end of this night she was either going to have gained the love of her life or she was going to prove Elena right and lose him forever. She just prayed she was strong enough to do it. Either way something had changed in that bathroom and there was no going back now.


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER 2**

**Ana POV**

Leaving the Gala, I can feel her evil eyes boring into my back. So just for an extra fuck you, I stop Christian in the middle of the doorway and pull him into the longest, most passionate kiss I can publicly get away with without being arrested.

"What was that for, Baby?" Christian asks while we both try to catch our breath.

"Just for being you, do I need another reason?" It's the only response that I can come up with right now. I mean really, I can't just tell him I'm tonguing him down in a very public manner because I ran into that disgusting pedophile that he still has the nerve to call a "friend" and it pissed me off. Nor can I rightfully say "I think I love you and was just checking that you weren't ashamed of people seeing that you are MINE." Jeez, when the hell did I become so needy.

"No, you don't. Come on let's get you out of here", he says. From the wary look in his beautiful gray eyes I can tell he wants to say more but thinks better of it. That is so Christian, never let anyone know what you are really thinking. Well, two can play at that game Mr. Grey.

With a swift kiss and a strong grip on my waist he leads me out to the waiting SUV. As usual, Taylor is waiting right at the front door to wisk us off to my apartment. Right on cue Christian begins to speak.

"Taylor" he says but is stopped when I place my hand on his thigh and shake my head.

"Taylor, please take us to Escala", I say with a lot more authority than I feel.

Christian looks at me in complete shock. Ever since the night he showed me his playroom and I declined his invitation to be his Sub, we do not go to Escala. We usually end up at the nearest hotel or sleeping over my apartment. Kate is so rarely there anymore that it really doesn't matter.

"Ana, what's going on?" I don't know if that is fear behind his eyes but I cannot concern myself with that now. For what I have planned, I need him to be completely at ease, in the place where he feels the safest.

I place my hand on his cheek, "I just need a change of pace and I haven't heard you play in so long….." I let my words trail off so he can come up with whatever makes him more comfortable. Secretly hoping that hinting at him playing his beloved piano helps.

"Sir?", Taylor inquires.

"Escala, please Taylor", Christian says in barely a whisper. He has his head down and he is staring up at me like I'm a fairy and he is trying to figure out if I'm truly real. It's official, my once confident controlling man has now left the building.

I think I am going to faint. This is going to be harder than I thought. We are waiting for the private elevator in garage and I can feel the sexual tension already starting to build. Damn my traitorous body, I can't even bring myself to hold his hand, worrying that I will give in to his needs. But that is not what this is about. I have to be in control tonight. I have to be the one to say when. He needs to be the one to give into me or this will be a waste of time. I turn to look at him and almost lose my breath. He looks so lost, scared and TENSE. The tension is just radiating off him and not sexual tension either. No, No, NO! I scream to myself. Relaxed, he needs to be relaxed.

"How did you think he would react to coming to Escala, Stupid! The last time you were here you almost cut ties with him completely", my subconscious always picks the perfect times to show up. "I personally think we should just go upstairs have one of the best fucks of our lives then go home, who cares about all this love stuff anyway. We were perfectly fine the way we were" Wow! now my fickle inner goddess is throwing me to the wolves too. Ok, now I've really lost my mind, I'm talking to myself. Just be calm Ana, smile and get him to relax.

The elevator door pings our arrival. I don't know who will have the aneurism first me or him but I decide to throw him a bone. Taking his hand in mine, I give him a reassuring squeeze and smile before leading him out of the elevator. Poor boy has no idea what he is walking into.

After a few moments of standing in the great room, Christian seems to snap out of his fog and remember his manners.

"Would you like a glass of wine, Ana? He asks. There is still caution in his voice but he is staring to unwind a little.

"That would be lovely, Thank you" I smile and walk further into the apartment.

"I'll just be a moment, please make yourself at home." He then leaves me to retrieve the wine from the kitchen. Maybe if I show him that I am comfortable being here than in turn he will relax a bit. Slipping off my Louboutins, I walk over and sit on the piano bench and caress the keys.

What could he possibly be doing in there? I'm just about to go find him when I look up and see him staring at me with this silly grin on his face. I must have been more lost in my thoughts then I realized.

He stalks over to me with lust in his eyes and hands me one of the glasses. As I take the glass, I very dramatically trace my tongue over my upper lip and pull my lower lip into my teeth and bite hard. He growls and swiftly places his knee on the bench, he bends over and grabs both sides of my face. His kiss is all consuming, desperate even and I want nothing more than to give in. "Patience, Patience, gain some control", my subconscious tries to pull me out of heaven and remind me of my purpose. I pull away suddenly and smirk at him. Patting the bench next to me, I breathe in my best seductive voice "All in good time, good thinks come to those who wait."

He slowly takes the seat next to smiling like a cheshire cat. He knows I'm using his own words against him. "What _would_ you like to do then, Ms. Steele?"

Pointing at the piano keys, I look down and bite my lip again "Play with me, Mr. Grey". His sharp intake of breath confirms my double meaning was not lost.

Oh, Yes! It's time to play, Mr. Grey!


	3. Chapter 3

A/N – All I can say is Wow! Thank you so much for all the reviews, follows and favs. They mean more to me than you can ever realize. Especially, Bannersandmash, without her I would have never had to balls to publish the first chapter. If you get chance check out her story, Silver and Steele, It's really worth it.

**Chapter 3**

"So, Anastasia, What would you like me to play tonight?" He says, leaning into my ear so I can feel his hot breath on my neck. My insides are already clenching and he hasn't ever touched me yet.

Instinctively, I open my neck to him a little further and sigh, "Being as I'm not as skilled as you in these matters, why don't you surprise me". I wonder if he understands that what I am saying means something completely different than it sounds.

Chuckling he starts to play a lovely piece. It is oddly familiar but I can't seem to place it. "Who are you playing?" I ask as it is now driving me insane that I cannot place the song.

"Cullen", he says trying to stifle a laugh.

"Excuse me?"

"Edward Cullen, It's Bella's Song from Twilight, Ana, I was trying to be funny!" Now he is sitting there laughing his ass off. It's nice to see him so carefree, it happens so rarely. But just as fast as it started it's gone. Happy Christian has been replaced with brooding Christian and the piece he is now playing reflects him perfectly. I do not know the song but it is beautiful and sad, just like him.

Trying to get us back to the good mood we were just in, I slowly start caressing his thigh. Up and down, up and down, always stopping just shy of his growing manhood. I'm about to go for it when he suddenly places his hand over mine, stopping my accent. Gently squeezing my hand, he places it on my own thigh and stands from the bench. "Would you like some more wine?" He asks but does not wait for my answer. He walks to the kitchen leaving me alone and confused.

Oh, to hell with this! He is not going to shut me out again! Something is bothering him and I'm going to figure out what it is. Standing myself, I follow his retreating form into the kitchen. He is at the breakfast bar pouring more wine, staring out at nothing with a far off look in his eye. I place my hand on his, saying "No, Christian, I do not want more _wine_".

What the fuck? Suddenly he spins around and slams me into the wall. He grabs me by both sides of the face and forces his tongue into my mouth. It is not painful, just. He is running his hands up my body, clawing at my dress but I am so taken by surprise that I do not respond. He must realize what he is doing because he stops and gently places his forehead against mine. I am trapped between him and the wall and I can feel his rock hard length pressing into my belly. He is still panting. Without looking me in the eyes he softly asks, "What is it that you DO want, Anastasia?" his voice sounds so pained it's killing me.

I can't think! I need to get out of here! I can't breathe! "Aaa, Can I use the bathroom, please?". My eyes are darting around like a crazed animal looking for an escape. He points to the other side of the penthouse, "Sure, use the one in my room" "It is just through there, if you don't remember". I take off at almost a run making sure to pick up my shoes along the way. Just before entering the bedroom I steal a glimpse back and the man that is about to make me or break me. He has his head down and is gripping the countertop so tight I can see that his knuckles are white from here.

Ok, time to put my plan in motion."Plan, What _PLAN_? He gave you the perfect out right there. You could have just said "more", enough with the games" Now is not the time for my subconscious to rear her ugly head. "Fuck you", I give her the finger. I couldn't have planned it better myself. This is what I need. I need us to make love, not fuck, in _his_ bed. Already being in his bedroom can only help. He has never had a woman in his bed before so that right there will mean I am different.

I start to prepare myself to seduce my man. I remove my floor length black satin gown that Christian picked out for me especially. I had already picked out the sexiest black lace thong and shelf bra to go with it, so lingerie will not be a problem. I turn my head upside down and brush my hair out to give it extra body. Now for the finishing touch, I replace my sky high black Louboutins making my legs look extra long and sexy. Turning to look at myself in the mirror, even I am in awe. I look HOT! Not only hot but dominant, in control. I like this. "Don't get too happy with yourself, he hasn't lost that precious control yet." My subconscious is a real bitch. I lost my inner goddess long ago. She's just sitting in the corner repeating "please, don't let this be the last time he touches us..", over and over again. Coward, I sneer.

Then, I hear him and my heart stops. "Are you ok in there, Ana?" He is in the bedroom. Oh my God, can I really do this? I'm out of time, it's now or never. Opening the door slowly, I lean up against the door frame and raise one arm out above my head. "I'm fine, Christian, how are you? I drag out his name to really get his attention. I walk slowly towards him and his mouth is now hanging open. I'm oozing sex from every pore and I FUCKING love it! My palms cup his cheeks and I claim his mouth with mine. I can hear his moans and feel the stiffness in his pants and I know I'm getting to him. Swinging him around, I back him up against the bed, push him down and straddle him never breaking our kiss. He looks startled for a moment but quickly recovers. As I start my descent I can feel him tighten his grip on my arms hesitating to let me go further. When I skip over his chest with my kisses he eases his grip and lets me continue. He is safe. I will not go there with him right now. That is for later. Undoing his belt in my teeth, I pull his pants and boxers off in one swift move. He springs free in all his wonderful glory and I cannot resist him. I take him in my mouth all the way and hum. His moaning is only increasing my own need and I am now setting an amazing rhythm. Fast then slow, circling the head with my tongue while hollowing out my cheeks on the way back up. It takes only a few moments before his breathing increases and his body starts to tense. This is my cue to stop and slowly make my way back to his face. This is not how he will find his release tonight, this was only a means to drive him wild. I slide out of my thong on the way back up for easier access later. Now is the time, testing the waters, I slide my hands up his body while kissing every inch of him. I almost think he is going to forget to stop me but just as I breach the no-go zone he pulls me up and flips us over. Burying his head in my neck he starts to roam my body. One hand has found my now soaking wet core, while the other is holding my hands above my head. He has pulled my nipples just barely out of my bra to torment them with his tongue."Always so wet for me, Anastasia" is all he needs to say and I am writhing beneath him. I'm losing all sense of self again. It is what he does to me, but tonight I can't allow this. Tonight must be mine to control. I move my head away from him, afraid of his response, "Please don't bind me, Christian. Please, let my hands go." I plead. He looks back at me and he looks scared to death but releases me. "Careful, Ana", is all he says. I use his moment of weakness to flip us over again. I start to grind on him. I am sliding my wet folds up and down his hot length giving him moisture for his entrance. He must know that we are close because he opens the drawer next to us to retrieve a condom. Taking it from him I place it back on top of the nightstand, making a mental note to question why he has condoms in the drawer when he has never had a woman in here. Kissing him passionately, I grab his hands and place them on my hips and begin to move again. I am just about to lower myself onto him when he flips me again. "No Christian, please, I need to do this", he ignores my pleas and again reaches for the condom." Please, Christian, I need to feel _you_, just you, all of _you_", I am begging now with all my heart. As I lean up to kiss him I place my hand over his heart. "Please, trust me", I whisper. He stiffens immediately, rolls over and puts his hand over his eyes. "I can't", he murmurs sadly.

My heart is about to explode. She was right all along. I am nothing to him. But I will not cry, I will not make him feel bad about it. He has warned me from the very beginning not to get attached. I lean over and touch his cheek. Staring into his eyes, devastated blue to sad gray I say what needs to be said before I get up and crush what little is left of my heart. "Don't worry, I understand, Christian, it's ok,I will go", I sigh and leave to bed to retrieve my clothes from the bathroom.

A/N – Does anyone want to hear Christian's POV of her leaving, or should I keep it only from Ana's perspective?


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

**Ana POV**

This must be worse than I thought. He didn't even try to stop me. He never uttered a word. How could I have been so delusional? "Did you expect him to drop to his knees and beg you to stay? You couldn't possibly have thought he loved you too", damn my subconscious is worse than that fucking pedophile sometimes. I so wish I had some of my own clothes here. Everything I have with me, everything I have _on_ me is his. I couldn't scream "Sub" more right now if I tried. I can't leave the dress and shoes, I don't think walking to Pike Place Market naked would be well received. I will take only my house keys and wallet with me. Even the fucking purse is his. I can't take my phone either, also his. Shit. Could this get any better, I left my panties is his bedroom. Well, I am certainly not going to go crawling around on all fours looking for them so commando it is I guess.

**Christian POV**

"What the fuck just happened?" We were doing just fine, well, at least that's what I thought. Why does everything always have to get so complicated? I know I should just let her go but I don't want to. She keeps the nightmares away when she is near. _Did you ever think that maybe it's not Ana that keeps the nightmares away, Grey? Maybe the difference is that you are not HERE. Here in this fucked up apartment where you keep all your little fucked up secrets. Maybe she's not as special as she seems._ I've got to admit he has a point. I've never tried it with anyone else so how do I know that _She _is the one. What the fuck is she playing at anyway? She's never been touchy, feely, lovey dovey before. I told her I don't do hearts and flowers. I should be happy that it is ending if this is the way she is going to act. So why do I feel like I'm going to be sick. Fuck, I need a drink. I'm not going to have a hair left on my head, I'd didn't even realize that I was pulling on it. _See, Grey? Don't you see what she is doing to you, you don't even have control of your own thoughts anymore. _I pour myself a tumbler full of whiskey and walk over to my floor to ceiling windows. This is me, looking out over _MY_ world. I am Master of all that surrounds me. I control, I am not controlled. I will never be under anyone's thumb again. Where the fuck is she?

**Ana POV**

He looks so beautiful standing there running his hand through his hair. I know it would probably be best if I just sneak out while he isn't looking but I can't help myself. If there is any hope of making him see my point of view I have to take it. Before I make my presence known, I grab my keys and wallet out of my (his) purse and stick them into my jacket pocket.

"Christian, I really don't know what to say other than I will miss you and I am sorry we worked out this way. I hope you find whatever it is you are looking for." I start to turn and head for the door.

"Aren't you forgetting something?" He says while pointing at the purse that is lying on the breakfast bar.

"No, Christian, those things are yours. I know that you have no use for them but I cannot take them with me. Dispose of them as you see fit. The things that you bought me that are in my apartment will be donated to charity in the morning. " I'm glad for the feeling of numbness that has overtaken me, without it I don't know if I would survive this.

"Anastasia, stop being silly and take your stuff. They were given to you and therefore do not belong to me." He gives me this frustrated look. Oh my poor fifty, he really does not get it.

"Christian, I can see that you don't understand so I will explain it to you. I DON'T WANT THEM. If I leave here and profit from our relationship then I really will just be another Sub. Isn't that the way you have always operated? Send the poor little broken hearted girl away with her clothes, car and a nice severance package? Well, no thank you. I already feel too much like a sub for my liking." Please let this be over soon. The dam is beginning to break.

"I have never treated you like a Sub, Ana", he's talking but looking anywhere but at me.

"Haven't you? On that first day you told me that what your contract really boiled down to was trust. You told me to trust you and even though I never signed your contract or went into your playroom, I did give you my trust. I trusted you with EVERYTHING! My mind, body and without even knowing it, my heart and soul. I even gave you my virginity. I let you spank me and tie me up and use your toys on me. All the while with you telling me how to dress, who to hang out with, what to drive, when to eat. You even controlled when, where and how we fucked. _You_ controlled whether or not I was allowed to cum! So tell me, Christian, What does that remind you of? True, I was allowed to go out with you, I was allowed to meet people you knew, What does that mean? Are we more than we seem? Because right now all I seem to be is your Sub with Benefits! How can I even still trust anything you say? You tell me no women has even been in your bed in one breathe but then have condoms in your bedside table ready to go. You ask me to blindly trust you but then cannot afford me the same courtesy. "Aaa, this is going nowhere. It seems like my ranting will never stop but finally he cuts in.

"How can you say all that to me? Sure you gave into some of my wishes, but I gave into some of yours as well. I have never been out in public with anyone before and as for the condoms being in my bedroom, I dress for the playroom in my bedroom, Ana. I have condoms all over the fucking house. I thought we were compromising! I get a little of what I what, you get a little of what you want. None of this ever seemed to bother you before…." He stutters on the word "before". I'm staring at him wide eyed and can see the change happening in his eyes. What were panicked anxious gray pools have now turned into bright, brutal, rage filled orbs. It is like something nasty has just become abundantly clear to him. He takes a step closer to me and I Immediately take one back.

"What was it about tonight, Anastasia? What happened tonight that made you all of a sudden question my feelings for you?" I'm so focused on his eyes that I hadn't noticed that he has closed the gap between us. "What kind of games are you playing here? Could it have something to do with the fact that you're two weeks into your cycle? Is that what this is about? Are you trying to trap me into staying in some kind of relationship with you?" He is screaming at me now. Before I even register what I am doing, I slap him across the face so hard that I actually draw blood.

"How DARE you?! Do you really think that low of me? Poor little Ana, The Christian Grey, is coming close to his three month breaking point with his new toy so she better figure out a way to keep him. Who in the HELL would ever want to be stuck with your spawn?" I don't know what has come over me but the venom is spewing out of my mouth and it seems like I'm powerless to stop it. "Let's see, What will Daddy teach you today, Son? How about how to beat the shit out of women that look like me then fuck them to within an inch of their lives, you sick son of a bitch! No?, then how about this, let's just dump Mommy and the little bastard child into some condo somewhere just like you dump all your other sins! I never wanted your fucking money you ASSHOLE!" I wanted your love, I just won't give you the satisfaction of saying that out loud. "Whatever, I am so fucking done with you. Goodbye Christian." I turn, hold my head up high and head for the door."She was right, I don't belong here." I mumble.

**Christian POV**

She hit me! I can't believe she fucking hit me! I can taste the blood when I lick my lips. She is going to so fucking pay for that little move. Who the fuck does she think she is, talking to me like that? _Well, she is sort of right, isn't she?_ Fuck off! She thinks she's going to tell _Me_ when she is leaving? I think not. I say when not her. She is mine! She thought she had the Dom before she has no idea! Turn around Baby, your DOM is here! Time to finally meet him.

"Anastasia, STOP!"I yell after her.

"Christian!" Oh how cute, she is actually trying to use a warning tone with me. "I would watch my tone if I were you". Feisty, I like that.

"Anastasia, You are not going anywhere, I said, NO!" Still not stopping? Oh, well I really did try to give her a chance.

She at least makes it to the door but I am on her in half a second. I swing her around and pin her between myself and the wall. With my one hand, I grab her jaw tight, running my teeth up the side of her face till my lips are resting on her ear. "Going somewhere? I don't remember giving you permission to leave." She must be terrified because she isn't even fighting me. While I was growling in her ear my other hand was pulling up her dress. I remember seeing her panties on the floor before leaving the bedroom, so I know she has no barrier against me. Sliding two fingers inside her dripping wet folds, I place my thumb on her clit and palm her like a six pack. Even dazed, or scared or whatever she is, she is still soaking wet for me. Time to turn on the heat. I start pumping my two fingers in and out while placing slightly more pressure to her clit. I want her to realize who her master truly is but I don't want her to come. She has to be coherent for what I am about to say next. I pull her closer to me with my fingers. God I am hard as a rock. I lick her jaw from her chin to her ear and growl. "You see, Ana. This body is MINE, it has only ever been MINE and it will only ever be MINE! NO ONE leaves me! I say when it is over and I am not quite done with you yet but being the understanding Dom that I am, I will give you tonight to reflect upon you errors before I dole out your punishment. Now get the fuck OUT before I really get mad and show you what a DOM can really do to a disobedient little girl like you." I bite her earlobe once more just for good measure while staring directly into her beautiful blue eyes. They are wild, glaring back at me but I do not falter. She manages to speak and I'll be damned if what she says next doesn't get me even harder. Staring directly at me she growls back at me, "Stay the fuck away from me, Christian, or so help me God I don't give a shit how many NDAs I've signed, I will fucking DESTROY you!" Oh, you want to play, we'll play. Grabbing her face harder, I crush my lips to hers. This time she does fight to get away but I just give her a small chuckle. "That's right, Baby! Fight! Bare those teeth of yours. You should know by now. I like it rough." With the word "rough" I push her back through the door and into the hallway, while slamming the door in her face. That should teach her a lesson, Don't fuck with the player when you don't know the game!

I turn around to retrieve my drink from the kitchen. "Taylor" I bellow. He is always close so this shouldn't be a problem. As dependable as ever only a moment later he is standing before me.

"Sir?" He asks.

"Taylor, make sure Ms. Steele is tended to. She just left now and will not have gotten far seeing as she has left her car key behind." I say with drink in hand and this stupid shit eating grin on my face.

"Yes, Sir." And he has gone.

Well, that was an interesting night. Time for a refill and let's see what little Ms. Steele has left behind shall we. I cannot fathom what insignificant shit she has left with her purse but looking will give me something to do until Taylor returns with a full report on the delectable Ms. Steele. I really could have been easier on her but what the fuck, she'll live. Walking into the kitchen I grab the bottle of whiskey and pour out another glass. Now for the purse, just like I thought, nothing interesting. Her phone, her ipod and her car key are all here but wait, there is something stuck. It is a tightly packed letter size envelope. It seems a touch worn so it must have been in here for some time. Well, let's have a look. I open the envelope and my heart and my body sink to the floor. Scrawled across the top of the first document are the words "Surprise, Baby!". There are pages and pages of blood tests and medical files. HIV, Chlamydia, HPV and so on, she has been tested for every sexually transmitted disease known to man. If that isn't bad enough, the final page knocks the wind clear out of me. It's her immunization and medication record. She got the Depo shot! She's been on Birth control for the last fucking month by the dates on these records. Oh my God, I can't breathe, the heart I don't have feels like it's being ripped out of my chest. She didn't lie to me, she didn't try to trap me. She really only wanted me to show that I trusted her.

"FUCK, What have I done?!"

**Ana POV**

I can't believe this! I'm in a fucking hallway shaking like a leaf. I have no car, no phone to call a cab. I'm fucked. Better lose the shoes, I can't walk all the way home in six inch heels. What is going on with me? I must be in shock. I'm not mad, I'm not crying. I guess when the adrenaline wears off it will get bad. Who knows? Not me, being the first breakup and all, not that I can say we broke up because we were never really together in the first place. Then of course you have the fact that, that batshit crazy mother fucker thinks I'm still his. As if. I would never really destroy him of course but he doesn't know that, hell he thinks I'm some piece of shit that would try and get pregnant on purpose to keep him.

I'm coming up on the exit when I hear my name being called out behind me.

"Ms. Steele" Ah, Taylor, ever the good henchman.

"Yes, Taylor?" I know he's going to try to force me to take my car back some outrageous shit like that.

"Please let me drive you home, Ms. Steele. It's quite a long walk." He looks so hopeful but I just can't.

"Sorry, Taylor, but I really don't think that would be a great idea." Please leave it alone, I silently beg. I really don't want anything from him. Not even a ride.

"It would be no trouble at all, Ms. Steele, really. Mr. Grey doesn't have to know. I could tell him that you refused and that I had to follow you from a safe distance to make sure you made it ok. Please?" I think this is the most Taylor has ever said to me.

"Ok, Taylor, I guess there is no harm as long as he won't know I accepted." Why not? It's not like I'm accepting a ride from the Devil himself, only his henchman. Semantics, I know but fuck it, shoot me.

Taylor tells me to wait out front while he pulls the SUV around. We are riding silently home and I make a last minute decision to put my trust in Taylor. As much as Christian hurt me tonight, I hurt him more. I took the one thing I knew he was insecure about and used it to attack. I don't blame him if he wants to punish me after the hateful things we said, not that I would ever give him that opportunity. But I cannot bring myself to care about him any less than I did before. I still want him to be safe and happy, even if it's not with me. So here it goes.

"Taylor, May I ask you a favor? He is eyeing me cautiously through the rearview mirror.

"Yes, Ms. Steele, What can I do for you? Hesitation is in his eyes but I know he will do this. He cares about Christian just as much a I do.

"It is really not what you can do for me, it is what you can do for him. Please hear me out. I will not go into details on how I know the things I do but I know you will understand. I am not naïve enough to believe that Christian will not at some point take another Sub. I care about him very much and just want him to be happy and if that is what makes him happy then so be it. That being said, I don't care what you have to do but please do NOT let him go running to that Lincoln woman. Keep her away from him. He cannot see it but she is manipulative and dangerous. That is all I can ask." At least he seems to be considering it.

It seems that we have stopped, so I must by home. Taylor comes around and opens my door for me, taking my hand to help me out.

"Oh and Taylor. That stuff about caring, that stays between me and you ok!" He chuckles and says "Of Course Ms. Steele" I really do like this man.

I turn back one more time before I reach the door to my apartment. "Goodbye, Taylor. It was really nice knowing you."

"Same here, Ms. Steele, same here." We both give each other a tight smile and nod before I turn back around to restart my life without the man I love.

A/N – Wow, I don't know how you guys do it. I tried my best to make it longer but only 3000 words and I feel like I just gave birth to my fifth baby. Thank you guys so much for the reviews and follows. It is such a high when I see the pen name of someone I follow now following me. I don't get it but I love it. Just a little tidbit. Just because Christian is on the floor now doesn't mean he's giving in. He'll snap out of it. My CG doesn't beg, he COMMANDS.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

**Taylor's POV**

I watch as she retreats into the building and I am really sorry to see her go. She was not like the boss' other "women", if I can even call them that. All the others treated me like a chauffeur or their personal help. Ana never did that. She treated me like another human being, always being polite and never demanding. She even, on one occasion, demanded that I call her Ana instead of Ms. Steele. Of course the Boss would have none of that but the gesture was nice just the same. It hurts my heart what I have to do next but in reality my loyalties have to lie with the Boss. It's my job. I will not break all the confidence that Ana has just put in me but I do have to break one. I will not tell the Boss that she accepted the ride because I gave her my word that I wouldn't. I will not tell him that she told me she really cares for him a lot because, well, hell it's not my business anyway. If one day she wants to divulge her feelings to him then that will be her decision alone. Unfortunately, the part about Mrs. Lincoln I cannot keep to myself. It means that there has to have been a breach in security somewhere. I know that the Boss told Ms. Steele about his birth mother, the physical abuse and the reason why he is so obsessed with her eating. I am quite sure, however, that he has never shared with her his relationship with that sick woman or how he came into being in his current lifestyle in the first place. I wasn't even aware that Ana knew Mrs. Lincoln existed. There is no doubt in my mind now though that she knows much more than she should and it is my business to find out how!

How the hell did I get back to Escala? I didn't even realize I was driving. I can't pull in just yet I have to make adjustments for the time. It would have taken me a lot longer to follow her home than to drive her. Maybe when I'm finished with the Monster upstairs I can talk to Gail. We never talk about work, even though we work in the same place, but I really need her to absolve me of the sin I am about to commit against Ms. Steele's confidence. Gail always knows how to make me feel better.

**Christian's POV**

I'm so confused. Wait! Where am I? Shit, I'm on the floor. _GET UP YOU ASS! Falling down over a Woman, are you serious!_ What the fuck is wrong with me? So what that she was on birth control and got tested for everything. She kept that from me. How was I supposed to know she did that? In fact, maybe the documents are forged! How was she able to go to the Doctor without me finding out? I've been having her followed since the day I met her for Christ sakes! How the hell would Security miss something like that? Where the fuck is Taylor? He should have been back by now. I do not do waiting! Someone's fucking head is going to roll over this one. I grab myself yet another drink and head for Taylor's office. I'll just sit here at his desk and wait for him. That should piss him off. Taylor hates when people sit at his desk.

Finally, I hear the door open. I'm going to keep my cool for right now. In full CEO mode, I sit back in the chair, lean my elbows on the desk and teepee my hands to my lips like I'm deeply considering something important. Which of course I am, like whether or not to just fire all these fucking people right now and get new guys that know their ass from their elbow. Come on already, walk in, this shit is getting frustrating.

Just like I had called his name out loud, Taylor comes barreling into his office and stops dead in his tracks when he notices me sitting at his desk. And there it is, the anger flashes in his eyes but he recovers quickly. He really is good at his job, it will be a shame to lose him. Maybe I'll keep him and just fire everyone else.

"Taylor, it seems you and your men have a little explaining to do", I use a steely tone, no pun intended, and my eyes are hard as stone.

"Sir?", he inquires. His eyes void of emotion and his voice steady. He is giving nothing away and it makes me wonder what the fuck else they have fucked up at.

"Well, Taylor, from the documents in front of me, it seems that little Ms. Steele had a doctor's appointment recently. Correct me if I'm wrong but I don't seem to remember being alerted to this fact by any of my crack security team. Would you like to tell me how it is possible that I would not know this considering that I'm having her FUCKING watched 24/7!" I scream. Well, that was it, cool has now gone out the window. "I don't like surprises, Taylor, and this is a BIG fucking surprise", I scream while shaking the papers in his face.

He places his hands behind his back and speaks with the same even tone as before. I really think he is trying not to hit me. "Well, Sir. I do not recall any Doctor's appointment but if you will give me the date I will check what happened that day." I give him the date and he goes to the filing cabinet to retrieve the flow sheet and notes for the day in question.

I notice that his face goes pale before he speaks. "Um, well it seems that Ms. Steele did accompany a Ms. Kavanaugh to the Doctor that day and you _were_ alerted. The Doctor's appointment list was double checked and the patient _was _indeed listed as a Miss Katherine Kavanaugh. It seems Ms. Steele must have booked the appointment under her friend's name to keep it a secret." At least he has the courtesy to look ashamed. I can't really fault him for not digging any deeper, I really don't give a fuck what Kate does. This is pissing me off. I really need an outlet for my anger.

"Ok, Taylor. I won't be needing you any more tonight", I say dismissing him and making my way out of the room. Then it occurs to me, I never asked how she was on the way home. It's not like I care, I'm just curious. _Yeah right, keep lying to yourself Grey._ "By the way, what the hell took you so long? It doesn't take that long to drive someone home. How was she? Was she crying or devastated? Did she look ok?" Damn I sound desperate even to me.

"Um, well she was ok. No she never cried. She looked a little distant but that is about it. She refused the ride home so I followed her from a safe distance in the SUV. That is what took me so long." He takes his seat behind his desk, reclaiming his position. I just turn to walk out the door and digest everything that I've learned in the past few hours when he opens his mouth and ruins what is left of my evening.

"Sir, as long as we are on the subject of Ms. Steele, there is something else we really need to discuss." His voice has taken on a softer quality almost like there is pity there and I don't like it.

"It can wait until tomorrow. I'll be in my office." I don't think I can handle anymore shit right now.

"No, Sir it really can't. This is something that has to be dealt with now I'm afraid." His voice is back to the even tone he usually uses. Ok I'll bite.

"Fine Taylor, I'm listening. What could possibly be so important that it cannot wait for morning and a clearer head." Now I'm curious.

"Maybe you should sit down Sir." He motions to the chair opposite his desk but I just shake my head. Let's get this over with. "Did you _ever _mention anything to Ms. Steele about Mrs. Lincoln?" He asks and raises his eyebrow at me.

"Fuck! What the fuck is this about? Of course I never mentioned anything to her. Why would you even ask? There was no need for her to know anything about how I got my subs or how I was introduced to the lifestyle in the first place. Now with her gone there is no reason for her to EVER know how truly fucked up my life is." I'm now pacing the office running both my hands through my wild hair. It still amazes me that I have any left at all.

"Unfortunately, it seems that she already knows. I don't know exactly how much she knows or where she got her information but I promise you I _will_ find out." Promise me! Promise me! If she already knows than it is his fault. What do I give a fuck about his promises? Holy shit! This is bad.

I have to know how this all came about. "What makes you think she knows anything? What did she say?" I'm in full on panic mode now. How did this day get _so _bad?!

"I know she knows because she told me as much. After she refused the ride she asked me to do her a favor. She told me that I was to keep you away from Mrs. Lincoln. She said that she was dangerous and manipulative and I should protect you any way I could. She made a point of telling me that she couldn't tell me what she knew or how she found out but the message was very clear, Sir." I am lost, I don't know what to make of this, to regain some control I start barking out orders.

"Ok, Taylor. This is what I need. I need to know what she knows and how she knows it. Most importantly I need to know _when_ she found out. How long has she known about Elena? Has she ever had actual contact with Mrs. Lincoln? It seems Ms. Steele has been keeping a lot of secrets lately and I want to know how deep those secrets go. You have until morning to get me what I need. I don't give a fuck who you have to wake up to get it." Storming out of the room I yell back "Don't disappoint me again." I reach my office and slam the door behind me.

Oh My God, what am I going to do? Before she left she warned me that she could destroy me. I thought she was bluffing. _But she told Taylor to protect you. Why do that just to destroy you herself. _I can't take that chance. I can't let her say anything. If my "relationship" with Elena gets out it will not only destroy me it will destroy my family too. I cannot let that happen. I can't question Elena yet either because I don't yet know her involvement. If Anastasia contacted her with this surely she would have come to me. Fuck me! This is what I get for letting anyone in even a little._ I thought you didn't care for her so how did you let her in? _Shut the fuuucckkk up! I throw the glass I'm holding across the room shattering it into a million pieces. I need to talk to Flynn. My back is literally up against the wall.

"FUCK!"

**Ana's POV**

I guess that didn't turn out as planned. I retreat into the building and turn to watch Taylor leave. He really is a good man. I'm not naïve though. I know enough to know that everything I said to him tonight will not be kept a secret but hopefully he will only tell Christian what he needs to know. That fucking Pedophile has got to pay and it will be so much sweeter watching Christian do it than doing it myself. It's about time he sees her for what she truly is. I was content to keep her secrets while he was still mine but not now. She will touch him again over my dead body.

I enter the silence of my apartment and for the first time ever I'm happy that Kate is not here. She will be back tomorrow and I'll deal with her then. First things first, time to go check on my boys. I walk to the window and sure as shit there they are. Parked in the same spot they always are. It has a perfect view of my windows, the front door and the back alley entrance. Ha, he thinks I don't know that he has been having me tailed for m_onths_. Standing in the window I mouth "I see you" and smile. Stupid Men! But why continue now, he has made it abundantly clear that he doesn't care about me in that way. So why keep them here. "_Fool, stop making up ways to think he cares. He probably just forgot or didn't have the time to call them off yet."_The bitch is back. If I could smack my own subconscious I would.

Next order of business is to pack up all the shit he gave me. I know my little friends outside will be reporting back to him and I did say I would be donating it all in the morning. Ah, looking in my closet is daunting. Most of the stuff in here _He_ gave me. Thank god I still have the boxes from the move. I guess I'm back to borrowing from Kate until I can go shopping. I am almost finished packing all the beautiful dresses and shoes, the lingerie I will keep. I'm sure no one wants my used undergarments. The Jewelry will be sent back to him because I cannot keep it and it is too expensive to donate.

Now the hardest part, packing up the stuff that he has left here over the past few months. Suits and ties and jeans and shoes, I could go on forever. I am not vindictive enough to destroy them or throw it all away, so I will send it back with the jewelry. The box is all packed. I have given back everything, _except_ one old worn t-shirt. I'm sure no one will notice and I can't bear to part with it. I have just one more thing to put in before I seal up the box, along with all my dashed hopes and dreams. I gently place the framed picture of us on my graduation in with all his other belongings. It was all a lie. He was not there to woo me or get me to compromise. He was there to wear me down until I gave into what _he _wanted for us. I can see it in the way I am looking up at him in the picture, I was so far gone already. I just didn't realize it. I can't look at it anymore. I put it in and tape up the box.

Time for a hot shower, I don't think I'll ever be able to take a bath again. That was something that we did together. Ok, we showered too, but it wasn't as romantic and a girl can't let herself start to stink now can she.

After my long shower I slip on the t-shirt that I kept and lay down in bed. It still smells of him. Tomorrow will be a new day and I will not look back. Tonight, however, I close my eyes and dream of stormy grey eyes and unrealized desires.

* * *

A/N – Thanks again for all the wonderful reviews. I wish I could respond to them all personally but with 4 kids, a job and trying to get the next chapter out, that gets rather difficult. I do however try my best to answer anyone that asks a specific question or questions something that is going on. I actually reached 100+ follows today. This shit ROCKS!


	6. Chapter 6

**CHAPTER 6**

**Christian's POV**

Damn, that feels good. I'm looking up into Ana's big beautiful blue eyes as I watch her ride me. She is taking me all in from tip to base and it feels fucking fantastic. I don't think I have ever felt this way before. It must have been all a dream. She didn't really leave me last night. She picks up the pace and I feel my body tense. I am so close but I don't want this moment to end. I never want this to end. "Yeah, Baby, just like that. God, Ana, please don't stop", I moan in ecstasy. "Christian, I need you to let go now, Baby. Trust me, ok. I'm going to come, please come with me", she whispers. Then she throws her head back and screams my name. I can't get enough of her when she makes that sound. I quickly follow her lead, screaming myself, "Oh, GOD, Ana, Oh, God, I'm coming!Fuck!" Fuck, she just keeps going, milking me for everything I've got. I'm actually convulsing now. I place my hands on her cheeks, kissing her deeply. "Damn, Ana, I love you so fucking much. I thought you left me tonight. Please don't leave me!" I cry. Wait! What the fuck did I just say? I don't love anyone. I'm not capable of loving anybody. She leans down and places both hands on my chest where my heart should be. I stiffen immediately but do not attempt to push her away. It doesn't hurt like I thought it would. It feels _right. _"I know you do", she whispers and then she is gone. She's disappeared. No! Where did she go? I told her not to leave me. No, No, NO! ANA! ANA! I'm screaming with all I have. Somebody help me please! I want my Ana back.

There is a knocking at the door and I wake with a start. Oh, a dream. It was only a dream.

"Are you ok, Sir?" Taylor yells from the other side of the door. I must have been screaming in my sleep again. Great yet another thing I get to have nightmares about. Thinking I could actually care about someone. That's a nightmare in itself.

"I'm fine, Taylor. Give me a minute. I'll be in your office in twenty." I yell back. I need a minute to compose myself and I need a shower. I must have fallen asleep at my desk last night. I'm uncomfortable.

Wait. Why am I so uncomfortable? My chest hurts and I am wet. Why am I wet? Did I spill some coffee on myself or something? HOLY SHIT! I had a fucking wet dream. A wet dream like I'm fucking fifteen again! What is this girl doing to me?

**Ana's POV**

I wake up feeling like shit. Oh, who am I kidding, you have to sleep to wake up. Instead, every time I closed my eyes I saw him rolling off the bed and leaving me in disgust. I wonder if this is how he feels, having the worst moment of your life constantly replay every time you close your eyes. He always said that I kept the nightmares away. I guess he was wrong, that is over now. "_It didn't have to be, that was your decision remember? You could have just left well enough alone." _My subconscious is giving her daily pep talk early today I see.

It's been like I'm going on autopilot all morning. Not really thinking, just doing. Shower check, boxes in car check, breakfast? Um, well I guess I forgot breakfast. Christian would be so mad. Oh well, too bad, so sad! Not really any of his concern anymore, now is it. I am so not in the mood to do any of this right now. I wish I could just go downstairs and hand my Security buddies the box for Christian and tell them to tell him to shove it where the sun doesn't shine but I can't do that. On one hand, I would love for them to know that I knew they were there all along but on the other hand I still _need _them. I want them to report back to him for just a little while longer. Maybe he really does care and just won't admit it yet. There really is no reason for him to keep having me watched if he doesn't. _"Just keep telling yourself that."_ My subconscious sneers. Jesus, there has got to be a way to sedate half my brain without killing myself, right?

My first stop is the Salvation Army to donate my stuff. That was hard. Then I go to the local courier service. I would have used Fed-Ex or UPS but I wanted to make sure Christian would get his little present at about the same time as my buddies are spilling the beans about my trip to the Salvation Army. Now I get to go home and bury myself in a hot cup of tea and a good manuscript whilst I await Kate's return. This is going to be a long weekend.

**Taylor's POV**

I wish I could just go back to bed and skip over this day completely. I have found out enough about Ana and Mrs. Lincoln to keep the Boss busy for a while but not enough to ease my own worries. I haven't been able to figure out exactly how Ana found out about what went on with the Boss and Mrs. Lincoln when he was a kid and that bugs the shit out of me. Short of straight out asking Ana or the skanky bitch, I don't think we'll find out either. On top of that, now he is moaning and screaming out Ana's name in his sleep. As if his other nightmares weren't enough. True, half the fucked up shit that goes on in his life now is his fault but if I had the start out in life that he had I can't say I would have turned out as good. With the exception of Dr. Grey and Mia every other woman this poor guy has come in contact with has hurt him, used him or both.

Well, here he comes. Time to get this shit storm underway. I really feel bad for him. I personally can't stand the woman but she was the one person he considered a friend. He is going to be devastated. Thank god I have Flynn on speed dial.

"Taylor", he says taking his seat.

"Good Morning, Sir. I have some information for you" I state in my trademark even tone. This sucks. Can't this guy get a break.

**Christian's POV**

He better have some information for me. Isn't that what I fucking pay him for? I sit down and start running my hand through my hair. What does he need a fucking invitation?

"Ok, what do you have for me, Taylor?" I look at him expectantly.

"Well Sir, We have found out who told Ms. Steele about you and whether or not she has been in contact with Mrs. Lincoln. Prepare yourself because you are not going to like it, Sir." He says it calmly but the look of pity is back. I fucking hate pity.

"No shit, Taylor! I already don't like it. Just tell me what the fuck is going on already." If I have to wait one more minute I am going to beat the fuck out of him.

"Mrs. Lincoln told her, Sir. She made first contact with Ms. Steele." He says sitting with his hands folded on his desk. How can he be so calm? This can't be right.

"That's impossible! Elena would never break confidence like that. What purpose would she have?" He _must _be wrong. Elena is my only friend. She wouldn't do that to me. How can he tell me that she tried to ruin the best thing in my life?

"I'm sorry, Sir but it was definitely her. I took the liberty of pulling up the CCTV video of last night's Gala to try and find a clue as to why Ms. Steele's demeanor changed so suddenly. Sure enough I found what I was looking for. Here see for yourself." He sighs.

He points at the screen that is playing a scene from last night. I am watching as I hug Ana tight to me. We are giggling and making comments about leaving when she tells me she is going to the bathroom. I watch her walk away from me and my chest starts to hurt all over again. Taylor points to a different part of the screen and I see her. Elena is there glaring at us. She stands quickly and runs into the bathroom before Ana can make it in. After what seems like only a minute Elena backs out of the bathroom laughing. She has the most evil smirk I have ever seen plastered across her face. I am disgusted. How could I not have known this was going on? Five minutes later Ana emerges from the bathroom but Taylor is right. This is not the fun loving, flirty girl that just left me a few minutes earlier. This Ana is cold, serious and on a mission. What could Elena have possibly said to make her change like that? How long has this been going on? As if reading my mind Taylor turns and answers my unspoken questions.

"Unfortunately, since the encounter happened in the bathroom we cannot hear or see what transpired. I had hoped that was the first time and only time that they had contact but I'm sorry to say that Mrs. Lincoln first made contact with Ms. Steele at the very first charity function you brought her to. This has been going on for the entire two and a half months you and Ms. Steele have been together, Sir." I don't even know if Taylor is still speaking anymore. I'm just staring into space. My mind is blank. Why did Ana not tell me? This is why I don't trust anybody. This is why I don't let anyone in. How can she ask for my trust when all she has been doing is keeping secrets from me? Secret Doctor's appointments, secret feelings, secret meetings with Elena. _Would you have told HER if roles had been reversed? You have secrets of your own, you know. _Go To Hell!

**Taylor's POV**

"Sir…..Sir?" He's gone. He's finally flew off to Never-Never land and I haven't even shown him the worst part yet. Ok, I'll wait.

"Sorry, did you say something?" His eyes are red and his jaw is so tightly locked I'm surprised it hasn't snapped yet.

"There is more, Sir. There is an encounter that we _were _able to get audio on. It happened about a month ago. I'll tell you now, it's bad." Shit, I spit my coffee all over my desk this morning when I first saw it. I sure hope he can hold it together. Everything he has thought is going on in the last month is about to come apart in full HD. He doesn't say anything. He just nods at the screen to go ahead. I have already cued up the proper part of the tape so the only thing left to do is press play and send his world straight to hell in a hand basket.

* * *

Ana is standing on the side of the dance floor beaming. The smile on her face, as she watches the Boss dancing with his Mother, is amazing. Elena walks up and stands beside her with a smirk playing on her lips. The Devil doesn't smile.

"Hello, Anastasia. Enjoying your evening? I see you are still holding on to your position as flavor of the month." I swear I see the Boss wince at that remark.

"Hello, Elena. My evening is wonderful, thank you. I _am _here with the most beautiful man in the world you know." Ana states proudly without even turning to acknowledge the old troll. If you weren't looking for it you wouldn't realize they were even talking to each other.

"Enjoy it while it lasts, Darling. Believe me he _will _tire of you soon enough." Elena hisses.

Ana smirks in return. "Oh, Elena, you poor deluded old fool. Christian and I are not going to end anytime soon and let me tell you why." And here it comes, the bad part. Ana leans back a little further and lowers her voice some more. Thankfully not low enough that we can't still hear what she is saying.

"You are going to back off and leave us alone. I know what you are. I know what you did to him all those years ago, you stinky fucking pedophile. So you see, I keep Christian and you get to keep your dirty little secret. Come near me or Christian again and I will fucking END you!" Elena's face goes pale and Ana smiles. Even though she can't see her face, she knows she has her.

"Have a good night, Elena. MY man is over there waiting for me, so I really must go." Ana giggles and walks back over to meet the Boss and his Mother.

* * *

Thank God that's the end of it. Shit that was enough. He is standing now. One hand in his hair, the other braced on the side of my desk to hold himself up. He is actually hyperventilating. I'm so glad Gail didn't go away this weekend. She decided not to go when Ana left so abruptly last night. It's a good thing too, I have a feeling I may need backup. I have to bring him back somehow.

"Sir, we still can't figure out how Ms. Steele found out and what exactly she thinks went on. I had Welch run another check on her including home phone, cell phone, back accounts, work phone and e-mail. We found absolutely nothing that we didn't already know. It's looking like if you really care to know then you are going to have to ask one of them yourself." He looks at me as if I just asked him to kill my dog.

"THEY. FUCKING. MADE. A. DEAL! ABOUT _ME_! He shrieks.

"True, Sir. But in Ms. Steele's defense, it did work for a little while. Mrs. Lincoln _has_ been canceling your dinner dates lately. I don't know what made her decide to start trouble again tonight." I plead with him, trying to bring him back to some reason.

"IN HER DEFENSE? You're defending her now? Why didn't she just tell me what Elena was doing to her? She gets to _keep _me! Like I'm some fucking PET!" He is glaring at me now but at least he's breathing.

My door opens and in pops Sawyer. He picks _now_ to pay me a fucking visit, idiot. Run like hell, boy! You don't want anything to do with this fucked up shit.

"T, Mr. Grey has a delivery in the great room." A fucking delivery! That is what he is bothering me about. I don't even think he knows the Boss is standing there.

Well, safety first. "Did you open it?"

"Um, no. The package is from Ms. Steele, T. I thought it might be personal and Mr. Grey might want to open it himself." He stutters.

"A package? She sent me something? The Boss finally pipes up from the corner, scaring the shit out of Sawyer. If it wasn't so fucked up it would be funny. Mad as he is, you can still hear the hope in his voice, poor Bastard.

"It's more of a box, Sir. A big box. Do you want me to move it for you?" Sawyer asks, eyes darting back and forth trying to figure out what is going on.

"No, I'll go open it!" The boss goes almost running into the great room. I follow to make sure everything is ok.

Well, Sawyer wasn't lying it _is _a big box, a big fucking moving box to be exact. Shit, I don't have a good feeling about this.

**Christian's POV**

Anastasia sent me something. Maybe she is sorry for leaving. Maybe she wants to apologize. She doesn't know that I know what she did yet. I'll get her back for that later. Right now I just want to see what my baby sent me. _She's not your Baby, Dumb ass!_ I know that, slip of the tongue. Let's go open this up. I'm grinning just imagining what it could be.

OH MY GOD! It's all my things. Everything I had at her apartment is in that box. She doesn't want me. She doesn't want anything to do with me anymore. She even sent back our favorite picture. There is a note taped to it. It says, "I loved this picture, Christian. You can see all my hopes and dreams for us in my eyes. But you lied. You never wanted me for me. You wanted a Sub. Well, have fun in your Ivory fucking tower alone now, LIAR!" Liar, Liar! _I'm _the fucking Liar in this situation. I was a fucking deal to her. She never cared about _me_!

The last thing I remember is putting my fist through the glass frame and seeing red. "ANASTASIA!" I scream at the top of my lungs before the darkness comes. She _will _pay for this!

* * *

A/N – First off sorry for the delay. My computer went bad on me and typing this all into my iPhone was not really an option. Second, it is unedited so please be gentle.

Thanks so much to everyone that reviewed or sent me a quick pm. I love them. I'm sorry to those people who I didn't respond to. I just noticed right now that I am only getting alerts to some people's reviews and not others.

TWI-HP87 – Christian's dream scene is for you. I will not have him professing his undying love anytime soon but I figured showing a little "emotion" subconsciously couldn't hurt.

The "I will END you" line comes from Emily in Criminal Minds. Just for all you CM fans. :-)

As always, my thanks to Bannersandmash who makes sure my mistakes aren't too blatant.


	7. Chapter 7

**CHAPTER 7**

**Taylor's POV**

Holy Shit! He is going to destroy the place. I have to get him to calm down. There is blood everywhere and he has broken _so_ much shit already that I can't tell where he is bleeding from. It's time for me to get into combat mode and assemble the troops. He is so far gone, he's not going to notice what I'm doing anyway.

"Gail" I whisper, motioning for her to come over to me. She came running when all the noise started. "Go lock yourself in my office and call Dr. Flynn. Tell him that Mr. Grey is having an episode and has become a danger to himself. We need him here immediately. When you know he is on his way, wait twenty minutes and call Dr. Grey. Do not elaborate about what is going on, simply tell her that he had an accident and will probably need some stitches. In the interest of privacy we would rather not bring him to the hospital. Did you get all that, Gail? Now GO!" She nods and takes off running to my office. That should buy us some time. I hope Flynn gets here first, I can't let Dr. Grey see the Boss like this. Who am I kidding? It'll be a miracle if Flynn doesn't have him committed anyway.

I have seen him mad before. Hell, I've seen him in the throes of those god awful nightmares he has but I have never seen him like this. He is pacing back and forth mumbling incoherently. He heads to the kitchen and I take this opening to go get Sawyer.

"Luke, we are gonna have to take him down before he really fucks himself up. You get behind him and I'll back him up towards you. When we get close enough, tackle him, ok?" Luke nods at me and goes to position himself behind the Boss. I think he is going to come out of the kitchen but instead the fucker pours himself a drink. Maybe we won't have to subdue him after all. He calmly puts down the glass and walks around the breakfast bar. Luke is trailing a safe distance behind him. I think he is going to sit down but no such luck. The insane bastard actually picks up the stool and hurls it at the floor to ceiling windows. Thank God for bullet proof shatter resistant glass or someone downstairs would be having a very bad day right now. At least he's out of the kitchen now and I give Luke the signal to move. In a second, down goes Grey in a heap of flailing arms and legs. Damn, this kid is strong. I'm sitting on his legs with Luke spread across his arms. He is still kicking and screaming but it's more of a guttural cry than a scream.

I have only heard that sound in one other place in the world and that is from the poor bastards that were blown up in battle. He is in immense pain except in his case I know it has nothing to do with any physical pain he is feeling. This is a pain of the soul.

Suddenly he stops fighting. He is chanting, "Please, let me go. Please, let me go!" over and over again. I think it is safe so I give Sawyer the ok to release his arms. While giving Luke a look that says, "Stay close just in case this goes bad." When I am confident that he is not going to hit me, I release his legs. He shuffles backwards on his ass until he hits the underside of the breakfast bar. He pulls his knees up to his face and starts rocking back and forth. Flynn better get here soon.

**Flynn's POV**

I just received the strangest call from Gail, Christian's housekeeper. She wouldn't go into details but for her to have to make the call instead of Taylor or Christian himself, this must be really bad. I had better bring my med bag with me just in case. I have never had to sedate Christian before but there is always a first for everything, so better to be prepared.

When I enter the penthouse I am shook to the core. Christian is on the floor hiding under the breakfast bar, rocking himself for comfort. I catch Taylor's eye and silently ask him to come over. I need some background to know how to approach the situation.

"Taylor, what happened here? How long has he been like this? Is he medically stable? There is blood everywhere, do we have to get him to a hospital?" I am ticking off questions in my head as I go along. He was doing so well lately too. I can only imagine this has something to do with Anastasia.

"Hey, Doc. He lost it about an hour ago. From what I can tell all the blood is from multiple wounds to his hands and feet. He will need a lot of stitches but medically he will be fine. Dr. Grey is on her way to patch him up so we have to work fast. We can't let her see him like this." He says pointing to Christian.

"What was it that started his downfall?" I ask needing more information.

"Well, He and Ms. Steele had a falling out last night and she left him. He had another nightmare and then found out some rather disturbing information regarding Ms. Steele and Mrs. Lincoln. The last straw was when he received a package from Ms. Steele returning all of his belongings. He destroyed everything around him until we tackled him to get him to stop. He has been in that same position since then." He says solemnly.

"Have any of you tried to approach him?" I ask. I knew it had something to do with Ana.

"Yes, both I and Gail offered him food and water. I also offered to help him to his bedroom. He hasn't said a word. He just shakes his head and continues rocking." Taylor says, his voice laced with concern.

Ok, well at least he is not catatonic. Hopefully, I can get him to move. I walk over and kneel in front of him, making sure to take a non-threatening position. I do not touch him so as not to startle or scare him.

"Christian, it's me, John. Can you hear me, Christian?" I ask in a low soothing voice. No response.

"If you can hear me, please stop rocking. Ok?" He stops immediately. He has reverted back to when he was four years old and wouldn't speak.

"Christian, I need you to stand up and come sit with me on the chair over there. Your Mum is on her way and we can't have her seeing you hiding under a table, now can we?" I give him a reassuring smile.

"No one is going to hurt you, I promise. I am here to help." I ask Taylor to come and help me get him up and to the chair before he can freak out or refuse.

I see the change is his eyes as we are walking. The look has now changed from fear to confusion. Hopefully, he will bounce back quickly.

"What is wrong, Christian? What are you thinking right now?" That is not a question I usually ask him but this is not the usually dominant CEO here either. I need to see if I can get a verbal response from him.

"Well, John. To be completely honest, I am wondering what the fuck you are doing here and why I have blood all over me." He says raising his eyebrow at me in question. It seems we may have caught him in time after all.

"What is the last thing you remember?" I ask. I don't want to put memories in his head or shock him into a relapse. Taylor is standing in back of Christian taping on his watch. I have to work fast. Grace must be close.

"I remember coming into the great room to open a package from Anastasia and breaking the picture frame that was in the box. That's it." He says. The pain in his voice when he says her name is evident.

"Ok, in the interest of time, I am going to tell you something very quickly. Then I am going to make myself scarce for a while. I will not leave so if you need me I will be here. It would seem that you had a blackout. You not only broke the picture frame but also the coffee table, some vases and some glasses among other things. Gail is cleaning some of it up right now so as not to scare your mum. When the Security team tried to subdue you, you cowered under the breakfast bar and wouldn't speak to anyone. That is how I found you when I arrived." He doesn't say anything just looks around surveying the damage and nods.

"I will delve into the cause of your little "episode" once Grace leaves. But right now she is on her way up and you are going to have to be coherent enough to deal with her. I don't know what or how much you are going to tell her but since Gail told her you had an "accident" and the coffee table will be the hardest to hide you can stay along those lines." He still does not respond, only nods.

"Christian, you are going to _have_to speak to her. Are you alright to do this? I can stay and talk to Grace if you need me to." I say snapping my fingers in front of his face to pull him into reality. I'm starting to doubt that leaving him alone with her is a good idea.

"No, John, I'll be fine. Taylor will stay close by so that the questions don't get too _personal_." With that I go to hide out in Taylor's office. This way I can watch the CCTV and tell if any intervention is needed.

**Grace's POV**

Something is off about this situation. Gail calls and tells me that Christian had an accident and needs stitches but won't tell me what happened. If it was just a little accident then why didn't Christian call me himself?

I know the answer the minute I walk into the room. Gail has done a good job cleaning up but no one could have hidden this much destruction. This was no accident. Christian is sitting in a chair with a broken coffee table nearby. He is looking down regarding the wounds on his hands and feet. I walk over to him with purpose.

"Christian, dear, What happened to you?" I ask as if I really expect him to tell me the truth. Taylor is standing close by as if protecting him from something, maybe me.

"It's ok, Mom, just a stupid accident. I wasn't paying attention to where I was going and fell into the coffee table. I put my hands out to break my fall and that is when the table shattered. I must have been hopping around because of the pain and that's how my feet got cut too." He gives me a small smile that doesn't reach his eyes.

"Ok, If that's what you say. Let's see what we have here and start getting you cleaned up." I say with a smile as if I believe that nonsense story he just told me. It was a very well rehearsed line of bull shit. I think they forget sometimes that I am a Doctor and as such am trained to be very observant. I quietly set about my work while taking in my surroundings.

It was a good idea to use the coffee table as the main part of the story seeing as the fact it has been crushed is clear as day. I also notice that everything glass in the room has been removed. They did miss one thing however and that is the big box that is sitting off to the side of the room. It seems to have several of Christian's belongings in it with a smashed picture of himself and Ana. I really hope she has not ended things between them even though that seems to be the only conclusion I can draw. I've never seen Christian so happy as when he is with her. She is the only person he has ever brought around and they were always smiling at each other and giggling. She is such a nice girl and she really did seem interested in Christian for him not his money. I remember one time specifically when we were having Grey Sunday dinner and she was very interested in how we got Christian to stop fighting as a teenager. Mia, having the big mouth that she does had told Ana about the brawls he use to get into as a young boy. I of course sang Elena's praises and told Ana of the after school job she had given him and how he straighten right up. You could see how much she cared in her eyes even if she hadn't admitted it yet. I decide to test the waters and see what response I get.

"So, Christian, How is Ana? I would have expected her to be here with you." I stop my work and sneak a glance up at my beautiful son.

"Um, No mom, she's not here. She had to leave last night. Kate and Elliott are coming home tonight." He says as explanation. I can see the hurt and pain in his eyes.

"Well, ok then tell her I said hello. She really is a sweet girl." He says nothing in response. I wish I could stop his pain.

"Ok, Christian, I'm done here. I will leave you a prescription for Percocet to ease the pain. I used dissolving stitches so they will fall out on their own. I do not envy you when you try to put on your shoes though." I stand up and gather my bag. I want to ask so much more but I know better. Christian has always been very private about personal matters and Taylor is so fiercely loyal to him that there is no way he'll tell me anything.

"Thanks. Bye Mom." He leans up and kisses me on both cheeks. What I wouldn't give to be able to hug him.

Taylor walks me out to the elevator. "I'm glad he has you, Taylor." I say to him as I walk out into the foyer. I haven't seen Christian look so broken since I found him when he was four. Over my dead body will he get like _that_ again. I think I'll go pay Ana a little visit.

**Flynn's POV**

"So Christian, are you ready to discuss what the coffee table did to deserve such a brutal attack? I ask taking a seat on the couch across from him. He has not moved since Grace left. I am truly worried about how Grace bringing up Ana affected him.

"I guess it was its mere presence that offended me, John." He says in his usual sarcastic tone.

"That seems like a bit of overkill doesn't it? I mean you could have just asked it to leave." We both know that the coffee table is the last thing we are talking about right now.

"I didn't want it to leave." He surprises me with his response but I give nothing away.

"Ok Christian, as much as I love our banter let's get serious. Why don't you tell me what got us to this point? I ask. I want to know his version of events even though I have no doubt he will distort them in some way.

"She backed me into a corner. She touched me and asked me to trust her. I couldn't do it." He looks down sadly. "I thought she was trying to trap me. I lost my temper and we said awful things to each other. She just made me _so _mad. I physically dominated her, told her I'd never let anyone else have her and then I pushed her out." He is rubbing his hands together and looking up to me for judgment.

"By "pushed her out", I am assuming you mean emotionally." This is an easy assumption, he does it with everyone even family.

"No, I literally PUSHED her out of the door and then slammed it in her face." His stare has become cold at the memory.

"Do you feel sorry for that now?" God, I hope so.

"I did for a minute but not now. She deserved it. I might not have known it at the time but she deserved everything she got." He is getting mad now. I had better get to the root of this quickly.

"You have never laid a hand on a woman without consent before. Why does Ana deserve such treatment?" I speak evenly. I want him to work this out for himself even though I am very sure of the reason.

"Because she _BETRAYED _me. I saw the tapes of her and Elena's encounters. She has been keeping secrets from me since the beginning. They made a deal for me like they were swapping a piece of merchandise." He screams at me.

"That is a very harsh way to view the situation. Did you ever consider that in saying she got to "keep" you, she simply meant in her life without Elena's interference?" I say. I have seen the tapes. Taylor had them played for me while I was waiting for Grace to leave.

"No, I guess I didn't think of it that way. But it still doesn't matter. She kept many secrets from me not just that. I was right not to trust her." She spits at me. He is just not seeing it. I try a different approach.

"Fine, enough about Ana for right now. What about Elena's betrayal? She went behind your back and contacted Ana first. Yet this fact doesn't seem to bother you at all. You never even mentioned it. Why are you not mad at her?" I'm trying to make him see that he only cares about Ana and that is why.

"Elena, is Elena. She's just protective and I _am_ mad at her." He waves his hand as if to dismiss the subject. I'm not so easily distracted.

"But she has been your "_friend"_ for years. It doesn't bother you that she would try to destroy your relationship with Ana without asking you about it first?" I goad him.

"I'm not really sure I like the way you say "friend", John." He is stalling.

"Please, Christian. You are quite aware of my views on your "relationship" with that woman. It would seem now that Ms. Steele also shares my assessment. Hell, half the world would share my assessment. Why _you_ can't see it remains beyond me but I don't want to argue about that with you now. Tell me. Why does Ana's betrayal mean so much more to you than Elena's? You wanted her as a Sub, didn't you? It's not like you really CARED about her, right?" I try the combative approach.

"FUCK YOU, John! I changed for _HER!_ I broke all my rules for her. We went places together. We did things together that I've never done with anyone else. For Christ sake, I shared a bed with her. I told her about my past. How could she do this to me?" He is pacing the room running his fingers through his hair.

"What exactly did she _do_ to you? She kept a secret or two. All she did was want a little affection from you and you denied her." I am back to talking calmly.

"I know what you are doing, John. You want me to admit that I care for her. Well I won't do it." Now he is acting like a child.

"No Christian, you are wrong. I don't want you to do anything you don't want to do. And I don't think you _care_ about Ana. I think you are downright head over heels in love with her. What you intend to do about that is completely up to you." To hell with this if he isn't going to draw the connection himself I'll do it for him.

"John, you know I am not capable of giving or receiving love." He must have thought that was funny because he is smirking at me now.

"Whatever you say, Christian. Just think about this for a minute. If you knew that yesterday would be the last time you ever saw Ana, how would you feel?" I am really being quite serious now.

"I would feel like someone was suffocating me." He says sadly.

"That's my point exactly. Had you _ever_ felt that way about a Sub before? Just please think about it. I don't want you standing in this same room, years from now wishing you had made a different decision." I sigh. "With that I take my leave. You are never dull, Christian." I smile.

"And you are never cheap, Dr. Flynn. Goodbye, John." He smiles back and walks me to the door.

"What are you going to do about Mrs. Lincoln?" I ask as I am leaving.

"Oh, don't you worry about that good Doctor. I will handle Elena Lincoln." He smirks at me.

"That is exactly what I _am _worried about my dear boy." I can only imagine.

**Ana's POV**

I've read every manuscript I brought home from work and now I'm bored. I listen to my music through Kate's computer but every song seems sad. I left my iPod at Christian's so I don't have my own music to play. It's been about three hours since Christian received his little "present" but there has been no word. I really don't know what I expected but I guess anything would have been better than nothing. Kate is not due home until later this evening but I am losing my mind waiting.

There is a knock on the door. I'm not expecting anyone but maybe it's word from Christian. I run to the door trying not to look too excited. I open the door and am shocked out of my shoes. It's Grace!

"Hello, Ana. May I come in?" She says. She doesn't look happy. She couldn't possibly know about me and Christian yet.

"Um, I'm sorry. Of course, Grace. Where are my manners?" I'm looking down at my feet. Grace is a lovely woman but I'm a little nervous as to why she is here. I step aside and let her in.

"Would you like a cup of tea?" I try to be polite.

"No, Ana. Thank you. I have very little time before my shift begins so let me be blunt. You look like shit. What happened between you and my son?" Holy shit! What happened that made _her_ be the one to come over about Christian.

"Um, nothing. Is he ok?" I ask. Please let it go. I'm close to Grace and I'm so close to breaking down right now.

"No, my dear he is _not_ ok and by the looks of it neither are you. So are you going to tell me what happened that is making you both look like you've taken a trip through hell and back?" She is looking a little exasperated now. That look has obviously been passed down. Christian has the same look.

"I don't know what to tell you, Grace." I start to say, tears now running down my face. I am stammering when the door flies open.

Kate? It's Kate! I must have had the time wrong, she's home early. I think I am saved but not this time.

"Ana?" She yells running through the door but stops when she sees Grace.

"Hi, Grace. What are you doing here?" Kate asks always the reporter. Grace just motions with her head toward me.

"Ana, Jesus what's wrong with you?" See I knew you had to be observant to be a reporter. But I am weak now. The two of them there staring at me is all it takes for me to break.

"He doesn't want me, OK! I asked him to trust me and he said he couldn't then he told me to leave. I sent him back all his stuff today hoping to get _some _response out of him but NOTHING!" I yell at them now with full blown sobs. I'm sitting on the floor Indian style when they both come running to my side.

"Oh, Ana. Forget him. If that is the way he is going to treat you then we'll find you someone that will appreciate you." Kate says. She never really did like Christian.

"Now, Ana wait just a minute. I am not one to meddle in my son's affairs usually but I saw him this morning. Ana, he was _broken._ I haven't seen him so broken in… Well in a really long time. That is why I came to see you. What I saw this morning was not a man that was ok with you leaving. Quite the opposite actually." Grace looks lovingly at me.

"Oh, Grace. I _LOVE_ HIM so much but he can't give me that. He said so himself. I don't know what to do. It's only been a day and I miss him already." I sob into my hands.

"It's ok, sweetie. We'll come up with something. Won't we Kate?" Grace says reassuringly.

"Of course, Grace and I have just the plan but we are going to need Elliot's help." She has a sly grin on her face. She's up to something. But with Grace's help it might just not be illegal.

**Christian's POV**

Flynn has left and I called Elena over for an early dinner tonight. I have plans in mind for her. She will pay for going behind my back. After tonight the relationship between myself and Elena will never be the same.

I have contacted my Lawyer and had him send over some preliminary documents to me that I need for tonight. It's one on the perks of being filthy rich. People are at your beck and call 24/7. I asked Gail to make a very special dinner. She was very helpful and happy to do it until I told her who dinner was for. I guess Flynn was right. Everyone but me could see her for what she truly was.

Right on time Taylor comes to alert me that Elena has arrived. She is nothing if not punctual. It makes me sick that I am actually going to sit through a meal with her.

"Hello, Elena. Do come in." I say kissing her on both cheeks which is our usual greeting.

"Christian, Darling. I was so happy that you called. It has been too long." She coos. Be happy now Bitch, it won't last.

"Come let's sit and have dinner. What have you been up to lately?" I ask walking into the dining room and taking my seat. She seems a bit annoyed that I didn't pull out her chair but fuck her.

"Just busy with a little problem but it seems to have been handled now." She smiles.

We make small talk during dinner and I give her every opportunity to tell me about Ana but she never does. I can't believe this is the woman that I have called friend for so long. She knows she is the reason for my pain and still she sits across from me smiling. I have had enough.

"Elena, it was wonderful having dinner with you again. Before you leave please come to my office with me for a minute. I have something to give you. "I say with seduction oozing in my voice.

"Of course, I'm right behind you." She is smiling from ear to ear.

"Over there on the desk are some papers I wanted to give you regarding the business." I say shutting the door tightly behind us.

She looks over them and her face goes pale. "Christian, what is this about? It says you are pulling out of our partnership. That you are gifting the business to me."

"That's right Elena." I half smile back at her.

"Is this about that mousy bitch, Anastasia!" She is trying to use her Dom tone and failing miserably. "I did that for you! I had to make you see. She is no good for you. She actually had the nerve to threaten me!" She looks like a cornered animal. Good. I stalk over to her pulling myself up to my full height and assume my Dominant stance.

"ON YOUR KNEES, ELENA! NOW!" I growl at her. She hesitates for only a second but then licks her lips and does as she is told. She kneels in a Submission position at my feet. I grab her hair tightly in my fist and yank back hard. There is a time when this scene would have made me rock hard but now it just makes me sick.

"Is this what you like Elena? Is this what who you wanted to see? LOOK AT ME!" I pull her hair up harder.

"Yes Christian! You see _this _is what I can give you. This is what I can do for you. She will never be what you need" She whimpers. I can tell how turned on she is.

"Well, take a good look at him Elena. Take one last look at the Dom you think _you _created! Because after right now you will never see him again! I am done with you, you evil Bitch! On Monday my lawyer will contact you with the final papers. You are never to come near me or Anastasia again. DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!" I sneer.

"You're making a big mistake." She says. She actually thought getting rid of Ana would make me fuck her again. She's crazier than a shit house rat.

"TAYLOR!" I yell leaving her on my office floor.

"Yes, Sir." He is always there when I need him.

"Please show Mrs. Lincoln out. She is to be taken off the proscribed list of visitors effective immediately. And Taylor, make sure to change all the codes to Escala as soon as possible." I swear I see him grin. Was I really the only fucker that liked her?

Now, I have to figure out what to do about Anastasia.

A/N – Sorry for the wait. This one kicked my ass. As always thank you for reading and reviewing. I apologize if I haven't responded yet. The next chapter will be shorter so it shouldn't take as long to get out. I promise the next chapter will have Ana and Christian see each other again.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

**Ana's POV**

Grace has made me a cup of tea and I have finally stopped crying. "Are you going to be ok, dear? I would love to stay and help but I really have to get to work. I'm confident that what Kate has in mind will work. I have seen the looks my Son has given other men when they look at you. If looks could kill he would be in prison for murder already. He is a stubborn ass sometimes but just have a little faith, Ana. He'll come around." She says hugging me tightly.

"I'll see myself out. I won't let on to Christian that I was here either. He wouldn't like it very much." She says smiling and turns to go to the door.

"Oh, Grace! I'm so sorry. I completely forgot, I was so surprised when you walked in. Christian probably already knows that you are here. He's been having me watched the whole time we have been together." I look down at my hands worried about her reaction. I really don't want to cause her any trouble.

"Really? Well, that proves my point then. Does that sound like the actions of a man who doesn't care. The jealous looks, the round the clock Security? He wouldn't do that for just anyone. Ana, don't worry. If he questions my being here I will tell him I was here to welcome back Kate and Elliot." She is grinning like we just won the lottery. Little does she know that it is more of a proprietary response than true feelings. To him I am something that he owns.

"Thank you Grace. I will try to keep the faith." I smile weakly and sigh.

Now that Grace has left I turn my attention back to Kate. She has been like a dog with a bone ever since she came up with this little "Get Christian on his knees" plan. It's not really a plan per se. She knows how jealous Christian is and she thinks that we should use that to _my_ best advantage. I think she just likes to rile him up and she is always down for any excuse to party. She has called Elliot and he is going to try his best to lure Christian out to the "Blue Moose" later on. The "Mile High Club" is a little too tame for us tonight. I'm a regular at the Blue Moose anyway so I'll be more comfortable there. It's the best. Well, as regular as I can be with the tight leash Christian has kept me on. Kate has also called Mia and two of my friends from SIP. The limo she rented for the night will pick us up first and then pick up Mia, Jen and Sharon on the way. I'm actually excited about this. I haven't been out in a while and I could use the distraction. Maybe if I can get enough drinks in me before we get there I can pretend that I'm just there to have fun and not there because I'm trying to lure back a man that clearly doesn't want me.

"Kate, if you've done quite enough damage, I'm going to go take a shower." I tell Kate walking toward my room.

"WHAT?! You haven't done that yet! Come on, Ana. There is only two hours left until the Limo gets here." She yells at me shooing me away with her hands. I don't get it, it's never taken me two hours to get ready for anything in my life.

**Christian's POV**

Mom was right. I'm trying to put on my sneakers and it hurts like hell. But that is what I need, the pain keeps me focused. The wounds aren't as bad as all the blood suggested. My feet have a few cuts but nothing that needed stitches. Even my hands aren't that bad. My left had only one wound that needed stitching but the right needed a lot more work. That whole hand is bandaged to protect the wounds. I need to release some pent up frustration so I decide to go for a run. I know it will hurt and that is what I am craving. I'll do anything to keep my mind off of _her._

"Taylor, I'm going for a run." I bellow across the penthouse while walking toward the door. I'm almost hoping he isn't close enough to catch me but no such luck.

"Yes, Sir. I'll be right with you." Of course you will. I really don't feel like arguing with him too so I'll wait.

"Um, Sir. I just thought you should know. Ana's detail checked in about an hour ago. She followed through on going to good will this morning. Sir, do you want me to dismiss her detail?" He asked evenly.

"No, Taylor. That's ok. I'll let you know when." I sigh. I don't know why I'm keeping them there but I can't bring myself to let them go yet. Obviously, she has decided to move on.

"One more thing, Sir. Dr. Grey was at Ana's apartment for over an hour this afternoon." He says stepping back a bit.

"My MOM was with Ana today?!" I yell. I don't even wait for a response, I take off running.

What was she doing there? Did Ana call her? I should have realized my mom wasn't stupid enough to believe that "accident" story we fed her this morning. I never thought she would do anything about it though. She has never meddled in my personal life before. _She didn't know you HAD a personal life before._ Fuck, I can't stop thinking. The pain of this run was supposed to help turn my brain off but nothing is working. I can't stop thinking about Ana. Is she ok? Does she miss me? Is she remembering to eat? It's like I have this ingrained need to protect her. But I am no good for her. I will not even consider my feelings for her, if I have any. What's the point, we can't be together anymore anyway. This is useless. I turn to run back home and my cell starts ringing. I don't know if I should answer it or not but hell he'll just keep calling if I don't.

"Hello, Elliott. What do you want?" I sneer at him.

"Great to hear from you too, Bro!" He says sadly. Something is off.

"What's the matter, Elliot? Is it Mom or Mia? Is everyone ok?" Elliot never sounds sad. He's worrying me.

"No, Christian. It's nothing like that. Everyone is ok, but I need your help." He pleads.

"Fuck, Elliot. Just tell me what's going on! You know I have your back." I'm getting frustrated now.

"Well, It's Kate. I think she is cheating on me. We got home today and she wouldn't let me come back to the apartment with her like I was supposed to. Now her, Ana and Mia have this big night out planned and I'm not allowed to come or know where they are going. I know she can't cheat right in front of Mia but Mia is such a flirt that she wouldn't think twice about Kate dancing with some other fucking dude. Christ, I don't know what I will do if something is going on. I fucking love her, Christian." His voice is cracking. Damn, I am floored. Elliot fucks everything in sight. He's never cared about anyone for more than 5 minutes. Hell, if he had found any other girl with someone else he probably would of asked to turn it into a threesome.

"Ok, ok Elliot calm down. What do you want me to do?" I could care less about Kate but I'll be damned if I let her hurt my Brother.

"I know you have a lot of resources at your disposal. Could you find out where they are going so I can go see for myself? I mean please don't ask Ana. Kate would think I didn't trust her then. I don't want to rock the boat if I'm just over reacting." He asks hopefully.

"Sure, Elliott. I'll put a Security detail on the apartment to follow them where ever they go. Did you want me to call you when they tell me?" I can't really tell him that I already have security over there and I don't want to tell him about Ana and me yet.

"Actually, I was hoping I could come over and have a few drinks while we wait. I'm too riled up to be alone." He says, effectively ruining what is left of my fucked up day.

"Of course, I'll see you in a few." I'm a sucker, I won't turn my back on my brother.

**Ana's POV**

I have finished my shower and I am standing at the foot of my bed with my mouth hanging opened. Has Kate completely lost her mind? These aren't clothes! She has laid out a very short "fiesta" dress from Neiman's. The top is all black lace except for two squares of fabric that cover my breasts. The bottom barely reaches the tops of my thighs. The shoes are fossile by Louboutin. They are black and 6 inches high with cut outs. That isn't even the worst part. Being that the top is 95% lace I can't wear a bra and Kate's idea of underwear is a barely there thong with one small triangle of fabric. I might as well wear nothing. I sigh and start getting dressed. I'm never going to win a fight with Kate so why bother. I need to keep all my strength for Christian tonight just in case Elliot is able to get him to come.

I am pulled from my bedroom by Kate jumping up and down squealing.

"Kate, what's going on?" I ask as she hangs up the phone I didn't hear ring.

"Yes, Yes, YES! Elliott got him!" She screams.

"What the hell are you talking about?" I know who she's talking about but I ask anyway.

"Christian, Silly! Elliot told him I was cheating on him and he needed help finding me. Christian agreed to help him!" She rolls her eyes at me. She notices the outfit.

"Damn, Steele! You look HOT! If I didn't already have El I would refuse to go out with you. I'd never get anyone to look at me with you there. I feel sorry for the girls." She smiles brightly.

"Stop it Kate! You look beautiful as I'm sure Mia, Jen and Sharon will also. Besides there is only one man's attention I wish to draw tonight." I say walking to grab my purse.

"Yeah, yeah but you catch more flies with honey and all that and Honey, you look very sweet !" She winks and starts giggling. What would I do without Kate?

The limo is downstairs waiting when we walk out. I give a discrete glance over to make sure Security is still there watching and we jump in the car. The limo ride over is great. The fridge is fully stocked with all the best wine but I'm in more of a liquor mood tonight. We pick up the other girls and head off to the club drinking and laughing at the stupidest things. When we pull up Kesha's "Tick Tock" is blaring out the windows. It is the perfect song to start the night.

We jump out and immediately head for the front of the line. The bouncer on tonight is Mark and he knows me well. We won't have to wait to get in.

"Hey, Mark. Think we could just sneak in, _Please_?" I softy say rubbing up against him and batting my eyelashes.

"Um, Sure Ana. How many are with you? I could radio in and get the VIP table ready." He stutters.

"No thanks, Mark. I'm in the mood to hang with the commoners tonight." I kiss him on the cheek and motion for everyone to follow me.

It's only 9 but already the club is jumping. There are 3 floors to the "Blue Moose". Downstairs, or the Pit as we call it, plays Alternative and Metal while the main floor has the big bar and plays everything that is popular. Upstairs plays Hip Hop and R&B. I tell the girls that we are going to stay on the main floor for right now and we pull up some chairs on the dance floor side of the bar. John, is the bar tender tonight. Great because he knows how to make the obscure drink I like when I am here. The girls all order Cosmos and Mojitos but not me. I order an Alabama Slammer. My Mom use to drink them in the early 90s and they actually taste really good. I have this need all of a sudden to get shit faced and they will definitely do the job. Kate raises her eyebrow but doesn't question the drink choice any further.

We are all dancing and enjoying the night. So much so that I almost _do_ forget why I am here. That is until I go to get another drink. Taylor Swift's "I knew you were trouble" has just started to play and I stop dead in my tracks. I can feel the hairs on the back of my neck stand straight on end. He's here! How fucking appropriate.

**Christian's POV**

I walk into this Stinking Club that Ana loves so much. This place had to be her idea. I always tried to tell her it was beneath her but she wouldn't have it. Rich and not rich all hanging out together, she said it made her feel better about us. Like people from two different worlds really did have a chance.

That stupid Taylor Swift song is playing when I walk in, Elliot trailing behind me like a puppy dog. It's fitting though, Ana should know that I am trouble. We see them on the dance floor and Elliot was right. Kate _is_ dancing with another guy. Poor fucker, I hope he doesn't break down right here.

"Hey, El. What are you going to do?" I ask pointing to Kate. I see Ana is close to her but this place is so fucking crowded that I can't see much else.

"Right now, Christian. I am going to go get a drink. Do you need one? I know I need several. Then I will probably go over there and drag her out of here by her hair like a caveman." He says.

"Sure Elliott, I'll have a beer but wait just sit down they'll bring it over." I don't want him going over there alone just in case he hits someone. I get us a table in the corner where I can watch the dance floor but no one will notice us in the crowd.

Our drinks come and I get an idea. Ana is dancing and having fun. Music has always been a big part of her and I know that when I can't say something to her I can always say it with a song. I call the DJ and make a request. DJ Donny says he'll play it immediately. How fucking stupid does that sound, DJ Donny? I requested "Too Close" by Alex Clare. It kind of says what I am thinking. I can't be with her anymore. She deserves better. The song starts to play and I watch Ana intently as if singing it to her myself.

* * *

You know I'm not one to break promises,  
I don't want to hurt you but I need to breathe.  
At the end of it all, you're still my best friend,  
But there's something inside that I need to release.  
Which way is right, which way is wrong,  
How do I say that I need to move on?  
You know we're heading separate ways.

And it feels like I am just too close to love you,  
There's nothing I can really say.  
I can't lie no more, I can't hide no more,  
Got to be true to myself.  
And it feels like I am just too close to love you,  
So I'll be on my way.

You've given me more than I can return,  
Yet there's oh so much that you deserve.  
There's nothing to say, nothing to do.  
I've nothing to give,  
I must live without you.  
You know we're heading separate ways.

And it feels like I am just too close to love you,  
There's nothing I can really say.  
I can't lie no more, I can't hide no more,  
Got to be true to myself.  
And it feels like I am just too close to love you,  
So I'll be on my way.

* * *

**Ana's POV**

Elliott has quietly texted Kate so I know I was right. He really is here. Elliott had told her that it was alright for her to dance with someone else just this once to keep up the charade. He's going to wait a little while before coming over to "interrupt" her and her partner. Luckily, we know him too so there won't be a real fight.

So Christian wants to play with the music, does he? He probably thinks that I don't know that last song was from him but I saw Donny answer his phone and then change the music. No one has pull like that but Christian. Well, two can play at that game. Donny is a good friend of mine and he'll play anything I want. I'll show Christian fucking Grey. He might own the Mile High Club but I damn well run the Blue Moose!

"Kate, watch this." I lean over and whisper in her ear before walking over to the DJ booth.

"Hey Donny, can you do me a favor and play these two songs for me?" I bend over the table as far as I can go and put my lips right up against his ear whispering which songs I want. If the entire club didn't get a full view of my ass then it's a miracle.

"I don't know, Ana. The second one is great but the first one really isn't what I would call "Dance worthy". He sputters.

"Oh, _please_, Donny! You can always call it a drink refill break or something. It's really important to me." I pout at him.

"Oh, ok, Ana. Anything for you." He smiles.

"Thank you so much!" I lean back down and plant a sloppy wet kiss on the corner of his mouth and then walk away. Take that Christian.

Donny announces that the next song is for a "_very special_" friend and that we should all go get drinks refills while it's playing. I of course do exactly that. The song is "Give your heart a break" by Demi Lovato. I think it describes me and Christian perfectly. I can't dwell on that though, I need to find Kate before the next song. I need a really hot guy to dance with. I think back on everything me and Christian have been through as the song starts to play.

* * *

The day I first met you  
You told me you'd never fall in love  
But now that I get you  
I know fear is what it really was

Now here we are  
So close yet so far  
Haven't I passed the test  
When will you realize  
Baby, I'm not like the rest

Don't wanna break your heart  
Wanna give your heart a break  
I know you're scared it's wrong  
Like you might make a mistake  
There's just one life to live  
And there's no time to wait, to wait  
So let me give your heart a break, give your heart a break  
Let me give your heart a break, your heart a break  
There's just so much you can take  
Give your heart a break  
Let me give your heart a break, your heart a break  
Oh yeah, yeah

On Sunday you went home alone  
There were tears in your eyes  
I called your cell phone my love  
But you did not reply

The world is ours if we want it  
We can take it if you just take my hand  
There's no turning back now  
Baby, try to understand

Don't wanna break your heart  
Wanna give your heart a break  
I know you're scared it's wrong  
Like you might make a mistake  
There's just one life to live  
And there's no time to wait, to wait  
So let me give your heart a break, give your heart a break  
Let me give your heart a break, your heart a break  
There's just so much you can take  
Give your heart a break  
Let me give your heart a break, your heart a break  
Oh yeah, yeah

When your lips are on my lips  
Then our hearts beat as one  
But you slip out of my fingertips  
Every time you run, whoa-oh-whoa-oh-oh

Don't wanna break your heart  
Wanna give your heart a break  
I know you're scared it's wrong  
Like you might make a mistake  
There's just one life to live  
And there's no time to wait, to wait  
So let me give your heart a break

'Cause you've been hurt before  
I can see it in your eyes  
You try to smile it away, some things you can't disguise  
Don't wanna break your heart  
Maybe, I can ease the ache, the ache  
So let me give your heart a break, give your heart a break  
Let me give your heart a break, your heart a break  
There's just so much you can take  
Give your heart a break  
Let me give your heart a break, your heart a break  
Oh yeah, yeah

The day I first met you  
You told me you'd never fall

* * *

**Christian's POV**

WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?! What is she fucking wearing? You could see her whole ass for Christ's sake. I'm about to lose my temper when her song starts playing. I have to remind myself to show Donny what having Ana as a "special friend" can mean for his face later on. I listen to the lyrics of the song she picked and I'm flabbergasted. Does she know I'm here? Does she know that last song was from me? She must. There is no mistaking that those lyrics are meant for me. They are definitely not meant for Donny "Fucking" Dickhead over there. She's right, I did tell her I would never fall in love. Is that what is happening to me? That's what Flynn thinks. It's not possible. To love you have to have a heart and I've proven time and again that I don't possess one of those. Why can't I leave her alone?

Elliot has gone off to flip out on Kate. She was alone when he told me so I didn't feel the need to go with him. Ana's song has ended and everyone has taken to the dance floor again for the next song. If I wasn't so fucking angry right now I would laugh. This song is obviously meant for me too. It's "Take over Control" by Afrojack. Not my usual cup of tea but I do find the lyrics catchy.

* * *

Let's go take a ride in your car  
I will take the passenger seat

Baby, we don't have to go far  
Unless you wanna show  
Me a lovely place out of town  
Where you feel most at ease  
Well you are the one that I like  
Always will be

I think it's time to let you know  
The way I feel when you take hold  
One single touch from you, I'm gone  
Still got the rush when I'm alone  
I think it is time I let you know  
Take all of me, I will devote  
You set me free, my body's yours  
It feels the best when you're involved

I want you to take over control  
Take over control  
Take take take take over control  
Oh oh oh, I want you to take over control  
Plug it in and turn me on

I want you to take over control  
Take over control  
Take take take take over control  
Oh oh oh, I want you to take over control  
Plug it in and turn me on

Baby, baby, can't you see?  
That I'm giving all of me  
So, it's up to you now  
We could let time pass away  
I'll make an excuse to play  
But, it's up to you now  
Just wanna fulfill your needs  
While you're taking over me  
So, what do you want now?  
Take a picture, make a show  
'Cause nobody has to know  
All the ways that we get down

I want you to take over control  
Take over control  
Take take take take over control  
Oh oh oh, I want you to take over control  
Plug it in and turn me on

Oh, oh whoa oh  
Oh, oh whoa ooh oh  
Plug it in and turn me on

* * *

. . ! My breathing is erratic. I'm huffing and puffing like a raging bull! I can't stand here and watch this shit. Who the fuck does she think she is? She obviously knows I'm here yet she's bumping and grinding all up against some man to a song that was meant for ME! I'll fucking show her who is going to take over control!

I walk through the dance floor to get to her. She is all I can see. People must know I'm dangerous right now because they are parting for me like the red fucking sea. I glare at the guy that is dancing with her and he turns around to dance with someone else. Smart man. She has her hair braided to the side and she is still swaying to the music. I position myself behind her and pull on her braid bringing her head into my neck.

"You want to dance, Sweetheart? We'll dance!" I growl in her ear as I start to grind my hips into her from behind. I'm fucking pissed but so fucking hard at the same time.

"Oh, Christian." She moans and puts her arms up around my neck.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing, Anastasia? Hanging all over some guy like that." I snarl at her.

"I think you are forgetting something, Mr. Grey! YOU don't want me anymore so YOU don't get to say who I dance with or do anything else with for that matter." She turns around and spits at me.

"What is it that you want, Anastasia? Look at what you are wearing. Do you want every man in here to think that you are easy? To see what is MINE!" I scream at her.

"Oh, Good Lord Almighty, Christian. Make up your mind. Do you want me or not? You can't have it both ways. This "I don't want her but no one else can have her either" shit has got to stop." She lowers her voice looking at me to give her some sort of hope. I can't do it.

"Go home, Ana. I think you've had enough for tonight." I tell her dropping my hands so I'm not touching her anymore. It feels wrong to not have her in my arms.

"GO HOME? You know what Christian? I will go home and I won't go alone either. It won't be hard for me to find someone who _does _want me!" She yells and walks away. I'm sure to find Kate or her friends. I can't let her walk away. Over my dead body is she going home with some other fucker. I go to follow her. The monster has come out to play again.

**Ana's POV**

I am fucking livid! How dare he tell me to go home? Fine I get it, we are over. He's wrong, I haven't had nearly enough to drink yet. I motion to John to give me another and turn to find Kate and the girls.

Jen is outside flirting with Mark and Sharon is off hanging out with some of her other friends. I find Kate in the corner talking to Mia and Elliot.

"Kate, I'm leaving!" I say loudly.

"It went that well, huh?" She gives me a sly smile and kisses Elliott.

"Yeah, I guess so." I tell them. I don't want to ruin their night.

I leave the club and turn down the alley to take the shortcut home. All of a sudden someone grabs me. He puts his hand over my mouth so no one can hear me scream. My dress is torn and the person is pulling my hair so hard I think it's going to come out. I'm terrified, I'm going to be raped. I'm trying to fight so hard but he is too strong. I clamp my legs together in an attempt to fend him off. Maybe someone will find us fast. Where the hell is my Security detail?

He slams my head and body into the wall while still holding onto my hair. I'm turned around now so I can see my assailant. Oh, my God! It's Christian. I start crying hard, Thank God, it's not some mystery rapist. But what is he doing? "Please, stop Christian! Please stop!" I cry but he doesn't seem to hear me. He pulls down my torn dress and bites into my nipple hard. I know that he has drawn blood and that there will be marks left. Is that what he is doing? Is he marking me? He hikes up my dress and pulls down his pants at the same time. Just enough to get his cock out. He is digging his fingers into my thighs to get me to open my legs and he impales me full force all the way balls deep. I cry out but not in pleasure, in pain it hurt like hell.

"Is this what you wanted ANA? To feel ME, all of me!" He grunts at me in between thrusts. My words from last night coming back to haunt me. I hadn't noticed that he didn't put on a condom until now.

"No, Christian. Not like this! Please, not like this!" I'm begging now but relax my body into him. The fighting just makes it hurt more. The downfall to relaxing is that my body betrays me and starts to build to release. My body knows how much I love him.

"No? You never had a problem with it rough before. Remember, I know your body better than you do. I can feel you tensing with every shift of my hips. YOU ARE MINE. ALWAYS. MINE. FOREVER. MINE! Tell me, ANA! Who do you _belong _to? SAY IT! His eyes are wild but he knows me so well.

"You." I whisper as I explode in my orgasm. He follows quickly after me.

"God, Ana. What did you do to me? I don't even know who I am anymore." He releases me and moves to put himself back in his pants. Before he can I grab his cock hard and pull him towards me. My hand fisted in his hair. He is not getting away that easy.

"What about _this_ Christian? Is _this_ MINE? Who do _you_ belong to?" I ask softly pulling up his length with every question.

"You, Ana. It's always been you." He says looking down. He won't look me in the eye.

I release him and he steps back fixing himself quickly. I am beaten and torn up. He looks at me shocked with pain in his eyes. That's right you Bastard. Take a good look at what you did to me. I've gone from terrified to shocked and now I'm just plain angry and hurt. I've got to get out of here. I turn to run out of the alley and run straight into the brick wall that is Taylor. I want to scream at him to get off of me but he is hugging me tightly and I can see he is staring daggers at Christian over my shoulder. I don't want to look back at him but I can't help myself. He is crying. He walks over to us and leans into Taylor.

"Take care of her." He says and then goes running like a bat out of hell in the other direction. I look up at Taylor with tears in my eyes.

"Ana, are you ok? Do you need to go to the hospital?" He asks with concern in his voice.

"No, Taylor. Thank you. Can you please just take me home?" I ask. I'm terrified to go home and have Kate see me like this but I don't have anywhere else to go. I hope I make it home first and can lock myself in my room for the night. Maybe she'll assume I'm with _him_.

"Sure, Ana." Taylor says and ushers me into the back of the waiting SUV. We ride to my apartment in silence. I'm so confused. I got what I wanted. He finally said he belonged to me too but how can I ignore what he just did to me.

A/N – Thanks again to everyone who reads and reviews. Emi, I wish you had an account so I could tell you and the other guests how much I love your reviews.

I know this chapter might piss some of you off but I never promised to make it easy for them. I simply said they would be together in this chapter. ;-)

I know I've taken a little license with Ana but in my story she is stronger and wouldn't let him keep her hidden from the world. Before anyone asks..Yes. The Blue Moose was a real place. It was the Club I frequented as a 20 year old and I fucking LOVED it. Mark, Donny and John are all ex boyfriends of mine. Sharon is a friend.

So much for making it shorter…..


	9. Chapter 9

A/N – Hey there Guys, just a few things I'd like to clarify before starting the next chapter since I feel that a lot of what I was trying to get across in the last one didn't translate well.

First off – NO Christian did not rape Ana, well at least not in her mind. Yes, it was forceful and rough and a generally unsavory way to fuck someone but Ana gave into it once she saw it was him. She is mad that he terrified her and forcefully fucked her in a dirty alley but she loves him and would have given him whatever he wanted anyway. She is mostly upset about the back and forth. He wants her then he doesn't. For goodness sakes she was grabbing his dick at the end and that is not the actions of someone that was just raped, believe me, I know. I had to blur the lines a little between rough and rape for where I am taking this next chapter. It's not easy to write a sex scene that can be viewed in once person's mind as rape and not in the other's.

Second – Yes, Christian is a jackass! However, he is also a very confused, scared man. Please, remember this Christian has never known physical love or affection without violence. First at the hands of his mother's pimp and then to be beaten and fucked by Elena repeatedly for all those years, violent touch is all he knows. And before all the Grace lovers lynch me, Grace respects his boundaries and does not touch him, so she doesn't count.

Lastly – I think that a few things were missed in the last chapter because of the uproar over the sex. Christian was questioning if Flynn was right about him loving Ana, he finally admitted to Ana that he belongs to her even though he is fighting so hard to deny it. He chose that song for a reason, he truly believes that he is no good and that Ana is better off if he leaves her alone. Also, did anyone pick up the hint in Chapter 7 as to where Ana started to pick up her info on Elena? No one mentioned it, so I was just wondering.

Well, enough of my shit. I am as always very thankful of all the support you guys give me by reading my story. I hope this has helped show where my mindset for Christian is at least a little. In chapter 10 Ana will start her own descent into the dark so please be forewarned. They _will_ get better so don't lose all hope though.

**Chapter 9**

**Taylor's POV**

Where is he? I'm going to fucking kill him? How could he do that to her? I've known the Boss a long time but he's never done anything even close to that before. Has he lost his damn mind? Gail puts her hands on my shoulders and pulls me out of my internal rant.

"Jason, what's wrong? You look like you are fit to be tied. Where is Mr. Grey? Has something happened?" She asks nervously. She can read me so well.

"He didn't come home? I am going to fucking beat him to within an inch of his life. How can I do that if he didn't come home?" I scream at no one in particular.

"Now you're scaring me, Jason! How do _you_ not know where he is? You are his second shadow. And why do you want to beat him up? Jason, talk to me." She pleads.

"I'm sorry, Gail. I don't mean to scare you. It's just, I don't think I can work here anymore. Work with _him_ anymore. Not after what he's done tonight. I couldn't go after him or find him. Hell, I didn't even have his cell phone tracked. If I find out where he is right now I don't think I'll be responsible for my actions." I tell her pacing around the apartment trying to keep my sanity.

"This is not like you. You would never abandon him before and we've both seen our share of undesirable things working here. What could he possibly have done to warrant this type of response from you?" She's getting testy now. She has always hoped for the best in regards to the Boss. This is going to kill her.

"He _RAPED _her, Gail! He raped Ana. And I did nothing to stop him. I saw him follow her into that alley and just let him. I didn't know. I didn't even force her to go to the hospital. I just dropped her off at home alone. What kind of piece of shit am I?" If I wasn't so mad I'd cry. I want to hit something but the fucker I need to hit is missing. Fuck me!

"No, Jason. That can't be right! Mr. Grey wouldn't do something like that! You must have misread the situation. We both know they get a little rough sometimes." She is shaking and crying. I know she is hoping I will turn around and tell her I made a mistake but I can't.

"No, Gail. He did it. I saw her when she tried to run. I saw her torn dress and the blood on it. There is no mistaking that." I say solemnly.

"NO, no, no. I won't believe it! Did she say that was what he did to her? Did he say that? You've been here just as long as I have and have seen him fuck women seven shades of Sunday but always with their consent. He wouldn't do THIS! You have to go find him, hear his side of the story." She yells, crying. That's my Gail, never willing to see the evil in someone. I think it's finally time to admit that the Boss is just too fucked up to save.

"Fine, Gail. I'll find him but don't get your hopes up. I really don't think this is something we can fix for him." I tell her while walking into my office to have his cell phone tracked. I really don't give a fuck where the bastard is but I can't refuse her.

Holy SHIT! What the fuck is he doing _there_? I have to check the location twice just to make sure I have it right. I look up at Gail who is watching me expectantly. "I've found him but you are never going to believe where he is." Hell, I don't believe it myself.

**Christian's POV**

My God, what have I done? This can't really be happening. That had to be someone else back there. Please, God! Someone tell me I'm just having another one of my nightmares. But I know I'm not. I'm a fucking Monster! A worse monster than even I thought was possible. I don't know what came over me. The thought of her with another man was so unbearable I couldn't think straight. All I could think about was keeping her mine. Now she'll never be mine again. What must she think of me now? Is she ok? I know I hurt her badly. I wouldn't blame her if she could never look at me again. But the mere thought of that hurts so much. I can finally admit my feelings for her and its too late. I have done irreparable damage to us and it's too late to take it back now. I have to try and make this right. I have to do the right thing and turn myself in. I raped her and as a rapist, jail is exactly where I belong. Let them lock me up forever so I can never hurt her again. As long as she is protected from me, it's the right thing to do.

I've been crying so hard that I can't even see anymore. I don't know how long I've been running or where I've been running to. I stop and look up at the sky. Silently praying for the strength to do what I have to do next. Then I notice where I am. I guess this is my answer from the heavens. It's the right place to be. I can't hide the monster from her any longer.

**Grace's POV**

This shift just seems so much longer tonight. I wonder how everything went with Ana and Christian. I know it was wrong to set him up like that but he loves her. Anyone can see that, he just needed a little push. I think I'll do one more set of rounds and then call Elliott. The not knowing is driving me insane.

I turn to go to the Nurses station when I hear my name being paged. But Dr. Pan stops me before I can get close.

"Grace, please come with me." He says leading me into the Doctor's lounge and closing the door.

"Robert, what's going on? I'm being paged." I tell him turning to walk back out. I really don't have time for his shit right now.

"I know, Grace. I was the one that paged you. We have a bit of a problem. I have your son down in the ER locked in Exam room 2." He tells me with an even, ice cold tone. I really have never liked him.

"Is Elliot ok? What happened? I'll go down right now, thank you." I am worried now. Why didn't Christian or Kate call me?

"Um, Grace. It's not Elliot. Mr. Christian Grey was found outside looking somewhat distraught. I had him brought inside before anyone could realize who he was. As for thanking me, don't bother. I would do anything for you but truth be told I couldn't have our biggest Donor found crying like a baby on the front stairs. It wouldn't have been good for publicity." He turns and walks out. Dick! I have to get downstairs and find out what is going on. I guess things with Ana didn't turn out as well as we had hoped.

I walk into the exam room and almost die. Christian is sitting on the floor in the corner. His eyes are red, puffy and watery from prolonged crying. He looks up at me and wipes his nose with the back of his blazer sleeve like he is a child.

I kneel in front of him. "Christian, dear what's wrong?" I ask. I want to help but don't know how.

"Oh, Mom! I need your help. Please, you need to go check on Ana. Make sure she is alright. I'm so sorry Mom. I'm so sorry that I could never be the son you and Dad deserved." He says starting to cry harder.

"Christian, don't say that. You are exactly what I wanted. You are a great son. Now tell me why I need to check on Ana? Was she hurt? Did you two have another fight? I'm sure you can work it out. Just be honest with her about how you feel." My poor boy tries so hard to not feel any king of attachment to anyone for fear he'll get hurt again.

"No, there is no fixing what I've done. I raped her, Mom. I raped my Ana. I hurt her real bad physically. I know she must need help. I'm going to turn myself in to the Police now. I just needed to make sure there was someone to help her." He is sobbing. I think I just forgot to breathe. My world just came crashing down around me.

"Wait a minute. I know I didn't just hear you right. What do you mean, you raped her? Christian, tell me I didn't just hear you right." I beg. This can't be true. If it is then by helping set this night up I just helped send Ana straight to hell and my son straight to prison. I think I'm going to throw up.

"You heard me right! I dragged her into a dirty alley, violently had my way with her and then left her there for Taylor to deal with. Now please, I'll be fine. Just please go help Ana." He spits at me. He hates himself and any attempt at comfort from me will not be taken well.

This is probably a good thing. For the first time since I found him I don't _want_ to touch him. I don't want to hug him or tell him everything will be ok. I want to hit him. How could he do something so vile to another human being? Especially one that he loves. I can't comprehend it. But he is still my son, I still love him and I will help him. Right now though, I just need to be out of this room.

"Ok, Christian. I will go check on Ana. You stay here until I get back. Then we will go to the police together, ok?" I say standing up to leave. I will not abandon him. Maybe Ana can shed some light on the situation. How could we all not see that we were pushing him too far?

I walk into the hall and see Taylor walking toward me. Good, I need to make sure Christian doesn't go anywhere.

"Hello, Taylor. I assume by the look on your face that you are aware of what happened tonight. Is it true?" I ask glaring at him.

"Yes, Dr. Grey. I didn't realize until after or I would have stopped him. I saw him follow her but I thought they would just have an argument then kiss and make up so I gave them some privacy." He looks so ashamed and I can't hold it against him. No one could have seen this coming.

"Ok, Taylor. I am going to call Carrick and then go tend to Ana. If what you both say is true then he is going to need a lot more help then I can give him. It's probably a good idea to get Flynn over here too. Stay here and make sure no one goes in and he doesn't come out." I bark at him and walk away.

I walk out to my car and dial my husband. This is going to be one of the hardest calls I've ever had to make. He answers on the second ring.

"Hello, My Love. To what do I owe this pleasure? Coming home early?" He asks hopefully. He is always so warm and loving to me.

"No, my dear. I don't see sleep coming my way for a long time. I need you to come down to the hospital as fast as you can. Christian is in trouble and he needs your help." I sigh. I'm trying my hardest not to cry. Cary is going to have enough to deal with in a minute.

"What are you talking about, Grace? Why would Christian be at the hospital and what kind of trouble would warrant needing _me_ there?" I can tell the nervousness in his voice. He knows in his heart there is only one kind of trouble that Christian would need him for and that is legal trouble.

"All I can tell you is that he assaulted Ana and wants to turn himself over to the police. He will have to fill you in on the details when you get here but it is bad, Cary. I'm leaving right now to go see to Ana." I don't know what else to say. I don't have the heart or the stomach to tell him that our son just told me he is a rapist.

"Ok, Grace. I'm coming right now. Don't worry we will figure this out. I love you, Bye" He hangs up without waiting for my reply. He must be as devastated as I am.

I look at the seat next to me and make sure I haven't forgotten anything. I have my medical bag with me complete with gauze, antibiotics, stitches and a rape kit. I'm about to go help prove that my son is a monster. How did life turn so bad in the span of just a few hours? I sit back in my seat and cry my eyes out.

**Ana's POV**

I texted Kate and made it sound like Christian was here with me. She took the bait and texted back that she and Elliott would spend the night at his house. With that settled, I'm glad that I get to stay home alone now and reflect on what has happened tonight. I will have to come up with a good story about how the dress got torn before tomorrow. I have no idea where I'm going to get the money to replace it. I am so fucking confused. I am so happy that he finally admitted that he is only mine but I'm also so mad at what he has put me through. The back and forth, mixed signals is killing me and it has only been 24 hours since this whole fiasco started. I sort of like the fact that he is so territorial about me but that only works if we are still together, which right now I don't think that is possible.

It broke my heart to see him crying earlier. He thinks I was running because he hurt me and I was but not because he hurt me physically but because he hurt my heart. True I am still very pissed that he scared the shit out of me, ripped my dress and then had me _his_ way not our way. But the physical pain is inconsequential compared to the emotional pain. The very worst part was that I could see it in his eyes when he told me he was mine. He said it under duress. This wasn't going to fix us. He wasn't all of a sudden going to take me in his arms and tell me everything would be ok and that ripped my heart out. To know someone is yours but you still can't have them is the worst pain in the world.

I think I will take a shower and take in my injuries. I walk into the bathroom and turn in the shower. I remove what is left of the dress and stand in front of the mirror. All in all it's not too bad. There is nothing that can't be hidden. The bite to my breast has already scabbed over. I have a cut on my hip where the strings of the thong ripped into my skin and I have ten small oval shaped bruises on my legs, five on each thigh. I'm sure if Christian were to put his fingers on top of them they would match perfectly. I know I should be mad but I'm not. Truth be told, I kind of like his marks on me. Seeing _his_ hands and _his_ mouth on me makes me feel closer to him. I'm crazy I know but I can't help it.

I'm about to step into the shower when the doorbell rings. SHIT! I thought Kate was staying out tonight and where are her keys? Maybe it's him! Maybe he has come to apologize and beg for forgiveness! I throw on a robe and take off running towards the door. My heart is beating like a jack rabbit. I won't make it easy for him but his being here is a start.

I slowly open the door. I don't want to seem too eager. My heart falls to the floor. It's not him, it's Grace.

"Hi Grace, come in. Um, Christian isn't here. Things didn't exactly go according to plan tonight." I look down at the floor and say shyly. Why is she here? I finally look up and take a good look at her. It is obvious she has been crying.

"Grace? What's wrong?" I ask slightly confused. She can't be _that_ upset that it didn't work out.

"Why don't you tell me, Ana? I just left Christian at the Hospital. He is about to turn himself over to the police." She says looking at me sadly.

"WHAT? What the hell for? Did he do something to someone after I left?" What the hell has he gotten himself into?

"Ana, sweetheart, you don't have to lie or cover for him. Christian told me what he did to you." She looks at me lovingly.

"What exactly did Christian tell you he did to me, Grace?" I ask raising one eyebrow. Something is obviously being missed in translation here.

"He told me that he raped you, dear. He told me you have physical injuries." She looks like she is sick to her stomach.

"NO! What the hell would he tell you _that _for? That is _not_ what happened! He didn't do that to me!" I'm almost shrieking. Is that why he ran away crying? Is that why he thinks I ran away?

"Where the hell is he? At the Hospital, you said? Fine give me a minute to get dressed. I won't let this stupid fuck ruin his life over a misunderstanding!" I scream, starting for my bedroom.

"Ana, wait a minute I can't let you do that. It is very possible that no matter what you say Christian will turn himself in anyway. And if that is the case I need to collect evidence to either prove or disprove his claim." She states. She looks rather confused but has gotten into Doctor mode now.

"Grace let me tell you something right now. Yes, I have marks on me in very private places. Yes, he was very rough so I have bruises too. But I gave in to him. I would have willing gave him anything that he needed. Maybe I didn't like how rough he was but the sex, to be with him again, definitely! So it will be a cold day in fucking hell when I submit to any medical exam that will be used to hang the man that I love. So are you coming to the hospital with me or not?!" I say through clenched teeth.

"Ana, he is extremely lucky to have you in his corner. I don't know how much I believe that you consented but if that is the story you are going with then so be it. I do not, however think it is a good idea for you to go to the hospital to see him. It may only make a volatile situation worse." She tells me tears forming in her eyes.

"Then tell me, what am I supposed to do? I can't let him do this to himself." I'm starting to cry now too.

"Call him. Tell him how you feel. Make him see that this is not what you want." She suggests and I finally know what I have to do. I have to let him go. If caring for me is making him think he is a monster then I have no other choice. I cannot break him like that. Even if not breaking him breaks me in the process. I take the phone from her.

"Mom! Mom, how is she? Is she alright? I didn't hurt her that bad, did I? He answers the call not waiting to see who he is talking to.

"Christian, it's me, Ana. I'm fine. You don't have to worry." I say trying to reassure him.

"Oh, Ana. I am so sorry. I lost control of my feelings. The thought of you with someone else just made me insane. But I'm gonna make it better baby, I swear. I'm going to pay for what I did to you." He is crying and it is breaking my heart.

"Christian, please listen to me. I'm sorry too. I'm sorry I pushed you too hard to admit things that you weren't ready to admit yet. Please don't do this. There is no need for the police. I gave into you. When I said "No" it was because of where and how you were doing it. NOT because I didn't want to be with you." I say trying my best to be strong.

"But Ana, I _hurt_ you! I don't even deserve to have you talking to me never mind trying to tell me it's ok." He sighs.

"I never said we were ok, Christian. I can't do this right now. I want so badly to run into your arms and have you tell me we will be ok, but I can't and we aren't. You have to get your shit together first and so do I. Being together has changed us both and obviously not for the better. There are things I need for you to do Christian before we can even consider being around each other again." It's time to make the break but its killing me. Deep down inside I know he will not be able to do these things and that this will be the end of us.

"What is it, baby? I would do anything for you. _Anything _to begin to make this right." He sounds hopeful. I guess I understand why. Christian is very task orientated and this gives him something to do.

"I need you to cut that women out of your life completely. I need for you to tell your family what she did to you for all those years and I need you to go see Flynn. Start working out your need for violence. Also, I need you to stay away from me until you can trust me enough to let me touch you." I tell him with a lot more conviction than I feel.

"DONE! I've already given her the papers dissolving our partnership. And right now I would let you sit on my chest and pour hot coals on me just to have you in my arms again. Flynn is already here but do I really have to taint my family with all my fuckedupness?" He asks.

"I'm sorry, Christian but yes. If you don't then it will always be something hanging over our heads waiting to strike. Do you really believe a few lawyer's papers are going to stop her?" I sneer at him. The thought of her makes me ill.

"Fine, can you be there with me when I tell them? And can you tell me how you know in the first place?" He asks ignoring my last question.

"No, I'm sorry I can't. I just can't be near you right now. It's too painful. I hope you understand. I have to go now, ok." I need to cut this conversation short before I lose it.

"Ok, I'll call you when it's done. I love you, Anastasia." He whispers and I gasp.

"I love you too, Christian. Hopefully one day soon, that will be enough." I hang up quickly. I've been waiting months to hear him say that but now it is breaking my heart.


	10. Chapter 10

A/N – Sorry for the delay in posting, family duty called. As always, thank you for all the PMs and reviews. I try my best to respond to everyone. I love some of the stuff you guys come up with to fuck Christian up.

**Chapter 10**

**Ana POV**

How can one person be so numb yet so devastated at the same time? I feel like I am having an out of body experience and I am watching this from the other side of the room. It gives me a comforting numb feeling while at the same time I can feel a strange ripping and tearing sensation coming from where my heart use to be. I don't have one of those anymore. The one I had is now across town with Christian and I know I'll never get it back.

I vaguely think I hear Grace talking to me but I can't make out a word she is saying. I drop the phone on the floor where I am standing and slump down into the couch. I don't even have the strength to hand it back to her.

"Ana…Ana…Please look at me, talk to me." Grace begs. I know she is in a bad position right now. Stay here with me or go back to the Hospital and tend to her broken son. It's a no brainer. Christian needs her. I don't need _anyone_.

"Grace, you can go now. Go make sure Christian is ok." I say snapping my head up to look at her.

"No, Ana. He has Carrick and Elliot. I will stay here with you." She smiles while patting my hand.

"SHIT! Elliot? Did you just say he has _ELLIOTT_? That means Kate knows about this too? AARRH, DAMN IT! I need a drink!" I say getting up and walking into the kitchen. I pull out the bottle of Bacardi and get the Coke out of the refrigerator. I'm going to need all the liquid courage I can get to deal with Kate Kavanaugh.

"Kate is on her way here right now. Carrick called Elliot from the Hospital. I think they all thought you would need your friend right now." She says sympathetically.

"NO! Kate is the _last_ person I want here right now! She won't understand my side! She will somehow make this about _her_! I scream and down my drink in one gulp. I pour myself another and hear the door open.

Kate comes storming in. "Did I just hear my name? Don't you worry Ana, I'm here. I'll make him pay for what he did to you! He won't get away with this, I swear!" She says rushing over to hug me. I don't even think she noticed that Grace was standing here too. I push her away. This shit has got to stop. Now I'm getting angry.

"STOP IT, KATE! Stop it right now! He did NOT "_do" _anything to me! We had sex. It didn't work out. I came home called him and ended things. END OF STORY, so if you both would please leave me to my drink I would really appreciate it." I grab the now empty glass and exaggerate pouring another one.

"Ana, stop lying for him. Carrick called and told Elliott everything. You don't have to hide it from me!" She states in a firm tone, which really just makes me want to hit her. Enough is enough.

"Ok, both of you listen to me and listen good. I am only going to say this once and then I am done with this SHIT! Christian DID NOT rape me! He disrespected me terribly. He _FUCKED _me in a dirty alley like I was a fucking piece of trash and yes I am beyond fucking pissed about it! I'll admit it was rough but not that it is either of your business' that is the way we are with each other. We like it just _fine_ that way so leave it the fuck alone already." I say through gritted teeth. My patience is wearing thin.

"Rough? You like it ROUGH! Come on, Ana. No one likes it rough enough to leave scars on their bodies. How would _you _know what you would like? You've only ever been with _HIM_! He's conditioned you to be like _this!_" She says waving her had up and down my body. She is talking down to me and I don't like it one bit.

"FUCK YOU, Kate! I am not a child. I make my own decisions! Just because you've sampled every flavor in the greater North West does not make you an expert on what gets me off! I will not stand here and let you pass judgment on him or me again." I'm sure she didn't deserve that but she has released the anger in me and I can't rein it back in now.

"WOW, Ana. I thought Christian was the fucked up one but I think you just surpassed him with that little speech. If that is the way you truly feel though then I guess you don't need me here after all. I'm going back to Elliott's." She turns and stomps out of the apartment leaving me in her wake.

"Ana, was that really necessary?" Grace asks. I know she's disappointed in me but right now I really don't give a fuck.

"Grace, I really appreciate that you came over to check up on me. That was nice of you but right now I just want to sit here with my new best friend and get drunk. I would prefer to not have any witnesses, so if you could just leave with Kate I would like that a lot." I don't want to hurt her feelings but I'd like to get back to my date with this only half empty bottle of Bacardi that I am holding.

"Sure, Ana. I'll leave if that is what you want. We really were only trying to help." She kisses my cheek and leaves without another word and I let her.

I am truly alone now. No Christian, No Kate, No _anybody_. That' ok. I have been here before. I can handle alone. I know it well.

**Grace's POV**

I just left Ana and I can say…..Well I really don't know what to say. I can't believe she treated Kate like that. We will all have to watch her for the next few days to be sure she snaps out of this behavior. This is not like Ana. She had six drinks that I counted. I was amazed to see how fiercely loyal she is to Christian. The way they both broke each other so completely, I just don't understand. It has me very worried. I see Kate standing by her car crying to someone on the phone. She hangs up when she sees me approach.

"Oh, Kate, please don't cry. I'm sure Ana didn't mean what she said. She is just very hurt and in a lot of pain right now. Unfortunately, she chose you to lash out on. I'm sure she regrets it already." I say giving her a hug.

"But Grace, I don't think I can forgive her for that. She is my best friend but she basically just called me a whore right in front of you. I am not a whore, Grace, I swear. I might not have been as squeaky clean as precious Ana in there but still." She says sobbing. Ana was right. She did find a way to make this about herself.

"I really don't think that is what Ana meant. I do not think of you that way. Besides, your love life is no one's business but your own just like Ana suggested. We all have a little responsibility for this fiasco tonight. We pushed both of them too hard in our effort to fix them. We should have just stayed out of it." I say sadly.

"Our responsibility? No way! None of us could have seen that crazy son of a bitch physically hurting her and for her to say she likes it like that. Well, she's just as crazy as he is. Um, Sorry Grace, figure of speech." She says waving her hands in the air. I guess she just realized she inadvertently called me a bitch.

"Well. Be that as it may. We should have all minded our own business. Are you going to be alright? I really need to get back to the Hospital and check on my son." I tell her and start walking toward my car. I have to get out of here. I need Carrick. I know he will be strong where I cannot.

"I'm fine, Grace. I just called Elliott and he is going to meet me back at his place now." She smiles tightly and gets into her car.

This night has been exhausting. Do I go back and lie to my son or do I tell him the truth? That the Ana I just left in that apartment is not the Ana we all know and love. Our Ana is gone and I hope not for long.

**Carrick's POV**

Grace just called to let me know she is on her way back to the Hospital. It seems Ana is refusing to cooperate with any charges against Christian. I don't know if that is the right decision for either of them considering what my son has told me and to be honest I'm surprised by it. I always knew Ana was a sweet girl but most women would be foaming at the mouth to have a change to take my son for everything he has. But not Ana, she will not hurt him either publically or financially. He is one lucky man because of it. I wish there was some way to fix them but sadly I think they are beyond all help now.

Grace has told me that Ana is not herself. She is lashing out at everyone and drinking way too much. She doesn't know if she should tell Christian about it or not. I think it is best if we don't share this information with him right now. No need to break either of them further. Hopefully it is just a one night thing to drown her sorrows. We will give her some time and check up on her later in the week. We'll have to keep a close eye on her anyway. When the shock of what happened wears off she might just change her mind and come after him.

I see my beautiful wife walk through the entrance and I run to embrace her. She looks exhausted. I'm glad I can tell her that we are all going home now. Taylor will take Christian home and we will all meet for Sunday dinner tomorrow. It seems a family meeting is in order.

**Christian's POV**

This is by far the worst night of my life. I've lost the most important person in the world to me and my family thinks I'm an even bigger piece of shit than they already knew I was. Flynn was here to see how I was doing but I sent him away. He will come over for an emergency session tomorrow. There are things I want to discuss with him that I don't want my family to hear just yet. I was going to tell them everything about myself and Elena when my mother came back but I thought better of it. I really don't know if they could handle anymore of my Fifty Shades right now. I think they have had enough for one night. My poor Mother looked like a train hit her and I know this next revelation will be even worse. Besides, I want to discuss Ana's requests with Flynn first. I need to know how much he thinks I need to tell them to still fulfill Ana's requirements. I want Ana back but I also want to disclose as little as possible to my parents. I mean she can't really want me to tell them how I beat the shit out of little brown haired girls then fuck the life out of them to get my rocks off, can she? There has got to be a happy medium right? How little can I get away with telling them and still get her back but keep my family too?

I'm so lost in my thoughts that I didn't even realize that we reached Escala already. Taylor has been very stoic but I can't say I blame him. He always was a little closer to Ana than I cared for. He is walking into the great room just in front of me. I guess I'll be the one to break the ice.

"Taylor, I just wanted to thank you for taking care of ever_ythi_…" Holy Shit! He hit me! I didn't see that coming. The blows just keep coming and coming but I won't fight back. I had thought it would have been Elliott in the Hospital but he just sulked in the corner. I deserve to get my ass kicked.

**Taylor's POV**

Thank me! He wanted to _THANK ME _for taking care of everything_!_ It's Ana I should have been taking care of. Not this stupid worthless piece of shit. I turn around a hit him square in the jaw. I'm gonna knock his fucking head off! I just keep hitting and hitting him.

"How could you to that to her! You sick Bastard! HOW. COULD. YOU. HURT. SOMEONE. YOU. LOVE. LIKE. THAT!" I am screaming between kicks. He is laying on the floor in the fetal position now but I just keep kicking him. He deserves whatever pounding he gets.

Suddenly, I feel someone grab my shoulders and pull me back.

"Jason! Jesus Christ! You're going to kill him! Stop it! Look at him, he's bleeding already!" Gail yells at me while trying to get me far enough away to stop my assault.

I take a step back and look down at the Boss. He is curled up on the floor, blood dripping out of the corner of his mouth. "He'll be fine, Gail. I know how to inflict maximum pain with minimal internal damage." I snicker looking down at him.

"I'm going to go grab a bag and stay at a Hotel tonight. Are you going to come with me or stay here with _him_?" I know she is going to pick him but it doesn't bother me much. She loves me but she is very much like another Marine. She is very loyal and would never leave a man down.

"Jason, please calm down." She looks up at me. She is now kneeling in between me and the Boss. I can only guess to protect him.

"It's ok, Gail. I understand. But tomorrow I'll be back to clear out my stuff and you will have to decide. I love you with all my heart Gail but I can't be around this fucker anymore." I say as I turn to walk out of the room. I kiss her on the top of the head as I leave. I would kick him again but I'm sure that wouldn't win me any points with her in the morning. He makes me fucking sick. I fucking loved this kid. Protected him every day and this is what he turns out to be. I'm so disgusted with him I don't think I'll be able to leave Gail here with him tomorrow whether she wants that or not.


	11. Chapter 11

**CHAPTER 11**

**CHRISITAN'S POV**

I don't know how I am going to make it through this day. First, I have to see Flynn then I know I have to find some way to deal with Taylor. On top of all that I have to go to Grey Sunday dinner without Ana. How did I fuck up my life so badly in the span of two days? Forty-eight hours ago I had it all, money, power, the love of the most beautiful woman in the world and I threw it all away. I let my need for control, control me.

I am too sore to drag myself out of bed. Gail helped me in here last night and I haven't moved since. Taylor did a good job on me but I deserved a lot worse. Every move I make today will be a constant reminder of how I let my fucked up ways ruin my one shot at happiness.

I guess I have to get ready to face the music. Flynn will be here soon and I'm sure Taylor won't be far behind. I haul myself into the bathroom and run a hot shower. I remove my t-shirt and gaze at Taylor's handy work in the mirror. My whole right side is black and blue from nipple to naval and my jaw is slightly swollen from where he punched me. I should take a picture to remind myself never to piss him off again. This shit hurts like a bitch.

I am almost finished getting cleaned up when Ryan announces that Flynn has arrived. I throw on a pair of sweats and meet him in my office.

"Good Morning, Christian. I would say you look better this morning but I'd be lying." He is testing my mood.

"I don't want to play today, John. I am really confused and I need help. A lot of it." I say. If I shocked him with my candor he doesn't show it.

He regards me carefully and sighs. "Well, Christian as long as we are being blunt. Would you mind telling me why I have received two emergency phone calls and have had to come see you three times in the past twenty-four hours? I want to help, that is why I am here but I can't if you won't open up to me. Why don't we start with what has you so confused?" He asks pulling out his pen and notebook.

"I love her, John! I can finally admit that I love Ana with all of my black heart and soul. I never would have thought that was possible for me but now it doesn't even matter. I have done something so horrible to her that I can't imagine ever being allowed to even touch her again." I say looking down at my hands like they are the cause and the cure to all that ails me.

"What could you possibly have done to chase true love away from you forever? I can't imagine Ana giving up on you that easily."He inquires raising an eyebrow for added effect.

Here goes nothing. "If you had asked me that question last night I would have told you that without a doubt I raped her. Now I'm not so sure what is going on. I still believe that but it seems that Ana does not share my view. She told my Mother that I didn't rape her and that she gave into me willingly but I remember what I did to her. I hurt her bad. She said no at the beginning but I didn't stop. I left _permanent _marks on her too. I am a fucking _MONSTER! _A worse monster than even the man who abused me as a child because I did it to someone I claim to love." I can feel the tears building in my eyes as I remember how I scarred her.

"Wait a minute. Are you confessing to a crime here, Christian? You said that she said no and that you physically hurt her anyway." He shifts in his seat, clearly uncomfortable.

"That's the thing, John. I was so sure that what I did was a crime that I went and told my family that I was turning myself over to the police. I even sent my Mom over to check on Ana and collect evidence. But Ana wouldn't cooperate. She told them that it was a misunderstanding. That what she was protesting was where we were not the sex itself. She even went as far as to tell my _Mother_ that we like it rough. What a fucked up conversation that must have been. I'm suppose to go see my mom today but I'm afraid to look her in the eye." I finally take a breath and look up at him.

"So the problem now is that you don't believe her? Do you think she is covering for you or was taking her by force your true intent so you know she is wrong?" He is staring at me intently as if searching for something.

"God, NO! Well, I mean. Oh! I don't know. We did _both_ climax at the end and she grabbed me and pulled me close but then she ran away. I think I _did_ intentionally mark her. She was flaunting her ass around that club for everyone to see. I saw red. I was so mad. I wanted to remind her who she belongs to. I even told her that I belong to only her too. She told my Mother what injuries I inflicted on her and believe me she would have no problem sending me to prison if she really wanted to." I tell him running my hands through my hair.

"Yes, I can see how the lines would blur a little in this situation but that does not excuse what you did. You cannot just go around marking her like she is your property. She is not your slave or your submissive. You do not own her. She belongs to no one and neither do you." He states exasperated.

"That's not true! I do belong to her! My heart, soul, money, every possession. Everything I have and ever will have is hers. It means nothing to me without her anyway." I say, standing to pace the room.

"That may be so but your heart and soul are things you _gave_ to her freely. She did not buy them in a business deal. She does not own them. By the same token she must decide whether or not her heart is with you. It is not just something you take, it's given." He is getting frustrated with me, I can tell.

"She said that she loves me too but there are conditions to her giving us another chance. I don't know what to do about them. Most of her conditions are simple and already done. There is one however that I am going to have difficulty fulfilling." He motions for me to continue.

"Well, as you figured out from yesterdays little incident, Elena had a big part in our downfall. So condition number one is that I completely cut her out of my life for good." I'll start with the easy condition first. I know what Flynn thinks of Elena.

"I think this would be very beneficial for you whether you stay with Ana or not. You know I believe she has been a detriment to more than just your relationship with Ana." Told you, he hates Elena too.

"Yes, I have already started the process of cutting business ties with her. I also told her last night that I was ending our personal relationship as well." I smirk at him. I know this will make him happy.

"I am very proud of you. When we have more time you'll have to tell me how that went. What about Ana's other conditions? You said there were a few." He asks.

"Well, I'm kind of starting the second condition right now. The second condition is _you_." _I _say smiling at him.

"Ooo, Do explain! This sounds interesting. What could I possibly have to do with you two getting back together?" He looks at me like a dog with a bone.

"Well, my lovely Anastasia thinks I have a problem with violence. She is insisting that I have sessions with you to address that problem." I'm back to being ashamed again.

"Oh, ok. That is true. You do have a problem with violence. We have just never delved into it specifically because there was so much other stuff to discuss and that particular problem seemed to be under control until now." He seems sad, like he has failed me in some way. He is not usually caught off guard.

"Since when do you believe I have a problem with violence? I know I lose my temper sometimes but I haven't been violent in years." This is news to me. Just another one of the fucked up fifty I guess.

"Christian, you have been beaten and used as an ashtray by your mother's pimp. Then you would get into brawls as an adolescent just to be able to be touched. Stopping only when you began to get beaten and raped repeatedly by Elena Lincoln for years on end. Now that that has ended you are either beating the shit out of your personal trainer or beating the shit out of your Submissives. I know we have discussed your mother's pimp and Elena Lincoln but because the others were all consensual I never thought to discuss them too deeply with you. Can you not see the violence in all these actions? To say you have a little _problem_ with violence is an understatement." He looks down and scribbles something on his notepad.

"I've never looked at it that way before. When you lump it all together like that I guess anyone would say I'm violent. Ana is right. We will have to talk about this more later, but for right now I want to get to the conditions that are bothering me. For one she wants to be able to touch me. Last night I was thinking about that and I'm going to give it a try. I don't know how I'll handle it but for her I'll do anything. The last condition is the one I really need help with. No matter how many times I go over it in my head I just can't do it. She wants me to tell my family about what Elena did to me. She didn't give me specific guidelines but deep down I know what she means by "full" disclosure. I asked her to be there with me when I do it but she said no. I'm wondering if she really doesn't want me back and tried to come up with conditions that she thought I couldn't meet on purpose." This has been bothering me all night. What if I tell my family everything and lose Ana anyway. Then where will I be.

"I think you are reading into her motives too much. I think she really believes that the only way to help you both is to get everything out in the open. No secrets that can come bite you on the Arse later. I understand your hesitation but if you truly want Ana to remain a part of your life then you have to consider doing what she asks. Your Mother will probably take it the worst because of Elena being her friend but they will always love and support you, Christian. No matter what you tell them. You are not to blame here." He looks at his watch and I know it's time to cut this short.

"Thanks for the support, John. I will think about it. Maybe I will give Ana some time to cool down and then ask her to come with me again. I still don't think I can do it alone." I say shaking his hand and walking him to the door.

I turn around after John leaves and notice Gail in the kitchen silently crying. She looks up at me sadly.

"Is he here?" I ask. I already know the answer just by the look on her face. She doesn't answer just points in the direction of his office.

I slowly walk in and watch him stuffing papers into a box and clearing things off his desk. He notices I am there and stands to leave. He is still pissed off as hell.

"I am just finishing packing up some important papers. I will leave them with Welch until you can find a replacement. I have left my resignation letter here on the desk." He picks up the box and pushes past me into the great room.

I follow him out. I am struggling to keep up, sitting with Flynn I had forgotten how much my side and hand hurt. I remove my sweatshirt and hold myself up against the table. The pain is killing me.

"Taylor! Please wait! JASON! Look at me!" He turns around and I see the shock in his eyes at my appearance.

"Look, you have done your damage. I deserved it. Please don't leave. You are the only friend I have. I know I am a disappointment. I want _so_ much to be the man that can deserve her. I just don't know how." I am doing something I have never done in my life. Not even when being burned as a young child. I am begging.

**Taylor's POV**

What did I do? I must have been kicking him much harder than I thought. I didn't think he would bruise so badly. Now he's standing there begging me to stay. If I turn away then I have to look at Gail standing there crying and looking so hopeful. How the fuck do I walk out now? But all the begging in the world doesn't erase what he did. I need some time to sort this out.

"Sir, I don't know if I can. I'm not saying I won't, I just don't know. Can I give you my answer tonight? I have something I need to do first." I say and put down the box.

"Sure that's fine. And Jason, I'm sorry." He says and starts to stumble back to his bedroom.

"Gail, please go help him. I'll be back. I am going to see Ana." I kiss her and leave the apartment.

I arrive at Ana's apartment at 1050. It's still morning but I feel like it should be 2250 instead. This day has been so long already and I didn't sleep last night. I need to talk to her before I can accept working with the Boss again. Seeing him like that before was terrible but see her torn dress and the broken look on her face last night was worse. I ring the bell. I hope she lets me in.

"Ana? It's me Jason Taylor. Can I come in and talk to you for a minute?" I ask through the door. I can hear her moving around so even if Security hadn't told me she was home I would know she was in there.

She unlocks the door and walks away. "Sure Taylor show yourself in." She yells back while sitting back in front of her breaksfast. I take a seat across from her.

"Ana I'm not going to beat around the bush here, I need to know if you are _ok_ after last night?" I ask taking in my surroundings. She has a plate of toast and a glass of OJ in front her. From the smell of it anyone could tell that isn't pure orange juice. There is an empty bottle of Bacardi in the trash and she looks like she hasn't bathed in a week.

"Of course I'm _OK_! Why shouldn't I be? The man I love decides he doesn't want me but he doesn't want anyone else to have me either. I'm just fucking peachy!" She sneers at me.

"You _love_ him? After what he did to you last night. How can you still say that?" I ask. I need to know what she is thinking. If she is even having a coherent thought right now that is.

"Oh, not you too. Come on! You of all people know how Christian gets down. You know how we were together. How could you think that of him?" She spits downing the OJ and leaving the toast.

"I beat the shit out of him for you and then resigned. He asked me not to leave but I had to be sure you were ok before I went back." I tell her and get up to leave. She is beyond broken and I am probably not helping the situation.

**Ana's POV**

"You did WHAT?! Why the fuck would you do that?" Has everyone lost their fucking minds? My poor Christian, I leave him and I still can't stop hurting him.

"I hurt him the way we all thought he hurt you. But now that I can see it was all a misunderstanding I'll go back and make sure he is ok." Taylor tells me and walks out the door.

I slam it behind him, happy to be alone again. The fucking nerve of these people. Why can't everyone just mind their own fucking business? I grab another orange juice and Kate's laptop. I Google, Christian Grey. I just want to see him again one more time. We attended a lot of functions together in the past few months so there are a good amount of pictures of us online.

I must have fallen asleep but now I am spooning with the most beautiful man I have ever seen in my life. I turn over and the most gorgeous grey eyes are sleepily staring back at me. He's here! He's back in my arms again. I am overcome with emotions and crush my lips into his. Kissing him with everything I have. I poor all the hurt and pain of the past two days into that kiss but then the devastation turns to passion and I can't help myself. I need to have him again. I slowly start to kiss him down his chest. He is not stopping me. I am kissing his scars and he is letting me. It only spurs me on further. I get to his stomach and dip my tongue into his naval. Licking his happy trail as I continue my descent. I take his balls in one hand and his throbbing hard cock in the other. He already has precum on the tip. I begin to stroke him up his entire impressive length and I can't control myself anymore. I take him into my wet waiting mouth all the way to the base. He absolutely loves the fact that I have no gag reflex. I have a nice rhythm going now. I don't want this to be over too quickly. I want to savior every moment I have with him. He is moaning my name over and over. "Ana…..Ana….Ana"

**Kate's POV**

I came home half expecting another fight with Ana. What I found was something much different. Ana is lying face down in the middle of the living room. Drunk as a skunk. Clutching an empty bottle of Vodka in her outstretched hand and moaning. I've never seen Ana really drink before. It's not a pretty sight. Time to wake her up and put her to bed.

"Ana…..Ana….Ana!" I yell shaking her shoulders to wake her.

"Aw, shit! Was I dreaming? Kate is that you?" She is so out of it. It's ridiculous.

"Yes, Ana it's me. Come on get up. Let's get you to bed." I say trying to lift her from the floor. If I don't get some help from her we are never going to make it.

"Kate? Please forgive me. I am Soooooo sorry I said those things to you lasterday. I don't really think you're a slut." She slurs while trying to stand.

"That's good to know. You're forgiven now get the fuck up. I can't do this alone." Shit how can someone so thin be so heavy.

"Kate? What time is it? Shouldn't you be at Grey Sunday dinner?" She asks finally getting to her feet and stumbling to the bedroom.

"It's 9pm. It's already over. Come lay back on the bed." She is still in the pajamas she was in yesterday so at least I don't have to undress her.

"Do you see him? Was he there?" Ana asks me sleepily.

"No, sweetie. He must be as messed up as you. He never showed up. Don't worry about that now, just go back to sleep." She starts to cry and I sit down on the edge of the bed to hug her.

"He didn't go? He doesn't want me anymore. I love him sooo much and now I've lost him forever." She sobs into my shoulder. What am I going to do with her?

* * *

A/N – Well, since so many of you wanted Taylor I figured why make you wait. We aim to please. Hehehehe. I have to give credit to Rihanna. One of Flynn's lines is from her song "Stay". It's one on my favorites.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

**Christian's POV**

It has been two weeks since I last saw Ana. It is killing me slowly but I am trying my best to let her go. I am no good for her. She deserves so much better and until I can get myself under control I think this is best for her. I have been seeing Flynn on an almost daily basis to work out my need for violence. As part of my therapy I have removed everything that can be used to inflict pain from my playroom. The canes, floggers, whips and even the nipple and genital clamps are all gone. I don't know how I feel about that. I know it is necessary and I would never have been able to use them on anyone ever again but throwing them away just seemed so final. I'm still having a hard time believing the exact extent of how fucked up I turned out. I knew I was undeserving of love but this takes my depravity to a new level. I sure as hell didn't like the pain the pimp caused me when I was a kid but instead of shying away from all of that I turned out to be the monster that gets off causing other people's pain.

I can't figure Ana out. I am still having her followed of course. Even if I can't be physically near her, I still want to make sure she is taken care of. She parties every night at that damn club. I have it in my mind to buy it just so I can close it down but I know she'll just find somewhere else to go. She called in sick to SIP for the few days after the incident and then just stopped showing up altogether. They were going to fire her but since I never told her I bought it, I had Roach put her on a paid leave of absence until I figure out what is going on with her. Is she doing all this because she is just as devastated as I am or is she doing it to distance herself from me? I just don't know.

Taylor returned to work and I can't be happier about it. He is my rock. He helps me keep tabs on Anastasia while keeping my demons, aka Elena, at bay. She has tried to make contact a few times since me and Ana called it quits but I won't break my word. I promised Ana that I would have nothing more to do with her and I meant it.

I am sitting at my desk in GEH staring out the window lost in thoughts of Anastasia. This is a position that I find myself in a lot lately. I think and think and think about her until it becomes unbearable and I am steps away from running out the door to go get her. Then I remember that it is for her safety, both mentally and physically, that I am staying away and I find the strength to sit back down at my desk.

I am about to call Taylor in for an update on Ana when Olivia buzzes and announces that Katherine Kavanaugh is here to see me. What the hell could that bitch want?

"Send her in!" I bark back at the speaker. I've become a lot testier these days.

"Kate, what can I do for you today?" I am trying my best to be nice. This is the closest I've been to anything "Ana" related in a while.

"Christian! I need your help. Ana needs your help." She says taking the seat across from me. She looks good but distressed. Dressed in a cream colored pants suit, she oozes confidence as usual.

"Is she hurt? Ana made it clear that she is done with me. I don't see her wanting my help now." Maybe if I piss her off she'll slip and give me more info on Ana's feelings.

"I didn't say she _wants_ your help. I said she _needs _your help. I don't know what else to do. She barely talks to me. She is out partying all night, every night. She even stopped going to work. She drinks constantly, even with breakfast. That's if she drags herself out of bed to have any. Please go see her. Talk to her." She begs. Ana is not eating. This has to be more than just distancing herself from me.

"Kate, I really don't think I am the best person to help Ana out right now. Can't you get her Mother for her? I'll even send the GEH jet to pick her up." I still need to stay away from her but I won't leave her all alone.

"Good God, NO! Do NOT get her Mother anywhere near this! I thought you cared about her! Remember _YOU_ did this to her! It will be your fault when she completely self destructs." She screams at me. Stands up and makes to leave the room.

"Kate, wait. I do care about her. I _LOVE_ her more than anything in this world. Don't you see? That is why I can't go help her. I'm terrified of what will happen if I see her again. The last two times we were together I was brutal. I know what she has been doing. I know she has been in that club every night with all those guys who want her! I don't know if I could control myself if that was thrown in my face. I don't want to hurt her like that again." I run my fingers through my hair and cover my face with my hands. Please, Kate, give me anything. Anything, that says she still loves me too and I'll be out this door in five seconds flat.

"This is not Ana's first time into the bottom of a bottle, Christian. She got herself out of it last time with no help from anyone but this is different. Last time you would never have noticed that something was wrong at all. She drank on the way to school and kept more on her desk but never dropped her grades. She drank at work but never missed a day. Then one day when she was 17 she just stopped. I met her a few months after that. She shared the story with me one night when I questioned why she wouldn't drink with us at frat parties. She's not stopping on her own this time though. She is missing work and cutting herself off from all her real friends. She really needs help, Christian." She looks up at me sadly. How did I never know any of this? I always took her not drinking as part of her innocence.

"I would do anything for her Kate, you know that, but I still don't understand why it has to be _me_. Why can't it be her mom or Ray? Won't I just make everything worse?" I ask. I'm feeling trapped. Someone relying on me is never a good situation unless it is in business. Emotionally, definitely not.

"It should really be Ana's story to tell but if it is the only way to get you to help I guess I'll tell you." She sighs and takes a deep breath before continuing. "Ana and her Mother do not have a good relationship. To say that they even "tolerate" each other would be an overstatement. Carla never wanted Ana. She made it no secret that she tried to kill herself when she found out Ana was on the way. She was always busy out looking for the next man to cling to and when Ana was 13 Carla married Stephan Morton. Stephan had a son four years older than Ana but they were very close, almost like true brother and sister. Carla and Steve would leave most nights and weekends so their house was kind of the party house of the neighborhood. As you know, Ana is very beautiful. She was at 13 too. She had already hit puberty so she looked much like she looks today. On several occasions Ana would be woken up to find one of her _brother's_ friends sitting on her bed with their hand up her nightgown. When Ana tried to tell her Mother, Carla told her to keep her mouth shut or she would ruin her brother's life. She told Ana that it was her fault and that if she didn't _want_ these boys touching her then she should have worn pajama pants and not a nightgown with full access. As far as I know that is when Ana started to drink. It was not hard for her to get the alcohol with all the older kids roaming around the house all the time. She started to neglect her looks, making sure never to wear makeup and to always wear jeans. She figured that if she didn't look as _inviting _then they would leave her alone. She faded into the background and from what she has told me, Steve's son and Ray never found out anything was going on. Now do you understand why it has to be you, Christian?" She looks at me hopefully. I feel like the wind has been knocked out of me. How could someone treat my precious Ana like that?

"I…..I…. But Ana was an innocent virgin when I met her. I would know if she weren't. How could someone do that to her?" I'm gasping for air. My world is collapsing around me once again.

"From what I understand, it never got that far. They would pull on her breasts and rub her pubic area but never penetration. _You_ are the _only _one she's ever wanted to touch her that way. Please, will you help her?" She asks, pleading. What can I say to that? But, of course I will.

"Yes, Kate. I'll try and help. If you can get her to agree to have you and Elliott to go to the Club with her tonight, I'll have Taylor come with me. I want as many people there as possible just in case this starts to go bad again. Just have Elliott call me when you are all there." I tell her leading her to the door.

I'll have to keep Taylor close. I know he'll prevent me from doing anything stupid again. I can already feel my emotions getting the better of me. Why did she never tell me any of this? Would I still have treated her the way I did if I had known what she had been through? Probably, and that is what scares me.

**Ana's POV**

I'm in my room getting ready for another night at the "Blue Moose". I have been there every night since I stopped seeing Christian. It is my haven. Kate has gone with me occasionally but this is the first night she has asked if she can bring Elliott. I think she is worried that bringing Elliott around will upset me being that he _is_ Christian's brother. It does a little but I would never tell her that. She deserves to be happy. I put on my booty jeans and converse with a little tight blue t-shirt to bring out my eyes. That is another thing I like about my club. You can dress to the nines or for comfort and you still fit in. What you look like doesn't matter. I finish dressing and go to find Kate and Elliott.

We get there early enough so we are able to get one of the few tables between the bar and the dance floor. I don't usually like the tables because I feel boxed in and cut off but since I'm not alone tonight I'll have to deal with it. We have been here for a while and I make a decision to leave them and get up and dance. I love Elliott but he has been off tonight. He either has his head buried in Kate's neck or he is on the phone arguing with someone. Maybe being around me is making him uncomfortable. I tell Kate where I'll be and head to the dance floor. I like this song, I think it fits both me and Christian pretty well. It's "My songs know what you did in the dark" by Fall Out Boy. I let the music take me away.

* * *

B-B-B-Be careful making wishes in the dark, dark  
Can't be sure when they've hit their mark, mark  
And besides in the mean, mean time  
I'm just dreaming of tearing you apart

I'm in the de-details with the devil  
So now the world can never get me on my level  
I just gotta get you out of the cage  
I'm a young lover's rage  
Gonna need a spark to ignite

My songs know what you did in the dark

So light 'em up, up, up  
Light 'em up, up, up  
Light 'em up, up, up  
I'm on fire

So light 'em up, up, up  
Light 'em up, up, up  
Light 'em up, up, up  
I'm on fire

Oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa.  
In the dark, dark  
Oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa.  
In the dark, dark

Writers keep writing what they write  
Somewhere another pretty vein just died  
I've got the scars from tomorrow and I wish you could see  
That you're the antidote to everything except for me

A constellation of tears on your lashes  
Burn everything you love, then burn the ashes  
In the end everything collides  
My childhood spat back out the monster that you see

My songs know what you did in the dark

So light 'em up, up, up  
Light 'em up, up, up  
Light 'em up, up, up  
I'm on fire

* * *

It's the middle of the song and I tense. It can't be. He can't be here. Fucking Kate! No wonder she wanted to bring Elliott. I close my eyes and keep dancing trying desperately to not believe what every nerve ending in my body is telling me. He is here. I have to face Christian. I'm not ready yet. Why me? I feel him move in behind me. He starts grinding into me to the beat of the music. I keep my eyes closed but turn around and put my arms around his neck. I know what will happen if I look into those deep grey eyes. I'll lose.

"Did I invite you to touch me, Mr. Grey?" I ask still swaying to the music.

"Ana, we have to talk." He whispers in my ear. God, he feels so good.

"I don't think so. I have nothing left to say to you. I'm only dancing with you still so we don't make a scene." I tell him still not looking in his eyes. It's not true. I have lots to say but none of it will matter now.

"Ana, please. Why are you doing this to yourself? This isn't you. I'm not worth it. Kate told me about the last time you did this." He says and grabs me by the face so I have to look at him. Out of the corner of my eye I see Taylor move closer to us. Obviously grabbing is no longer allowed. I hold up my hand to stop him.

"That is a little arrogant of you don't you think? What makes you think I do anything because of _you_ anymore? Maybe I'm just enjoying being 21 for a change." I was going to leave it at that but the flood gates are open and I'm madder than hell. How fucking dare Kate tell him anything! "Who do you think is paying for my little endeavors now anyway, _Christian_? I spew his name out with as much malice as I can. He looks genuinely confused.

"What? Can't figure it out? Did you really think I would miss the brand new _$250,000_ in my bank account, you prick! You paid me like a fucking SUB! After I told you how that would make me feel _YOU_ did it anyway!" I smack him hard across the face and go to smack him again. Amazingly he doesn't hit me back although I can see the fury in his eyes. He just grabs my wrist and hugs me to him tight.

"That is not the way it was, Ana. Listen to me. You had fucked up at work and were going to lose your job. I needed to make sure you were taken care of." He says, his eyes pleading with me to understand but I can't. All we do is hurt each other over and over. The money is not the worst of his sins.

"Christian, please let me go. All we do is hurt each other. I'll be fine. We can't keep doing this." He lets me go and I turn and walk away from him. I refuse to cry.

I get to the edge of the dance floor and turn to watch him leave. He stops to say something to Kate and Elliott and then Taylor follows him out. I walk to the bar and grab a seat. I think I've had enough dancing for tonight.

"What can I get you, Ana?" John asks.

"Bacardi, straight up on the rocks and keep them coming until I say when, ok." John is a great bartender. It will take a lot for him to cut me off.

Kate walks over to me but I stop her before she can say anything. "Kate please, walk away now before we both say things we will regret. I don't know what possessed you to tell him things that were so personal to me. I really just need to be alone right now. I'll be home tomorrow." For once in her life I hope she listens to me. I really don't want to fight right now.

"Fine, I'll leave but you absolutely do not need to be alone right now. You can search the bottom of that bottle all you want but you won't find what you're looking for. What you need just walked out and you let him. You two need each other. You are both broken when you are apart. I just hope it doesn't take you guys too much longer to figure it out." She turns and leaves before I can respond.

We are not broken when we are apart. We are broken when we are together. Aren't we? I can feel the buzz coming on now. Hopefully the numbness follows soon. I keep waiting and waiting, drink after drink but the numbness never comes. I can't get him off of my mind. I can still feel him. I can still smell him. I know where I am going before my ass even leaves the bar stool.

**Christian's POV**

I fucking told Kate this wasn't a good idea. How could I forget how she felt about the money? I'm such a jackass. But it was all worth it. It felt so good to hold her again even if she did slap the shit out of me. Thank god for Taylor. It seems not all of my demons have been put to rest yet because in that moment all I really wanted to do was spank her then fuck her to death. I'm hard again just thinking about it.

I'm about to go ask Taylor if Ana has made it home yet when he goes running passed me to the front door. He's yelling "Send her up, NOW!" into the walkie talkie that patches directly through to the front desk of Escala.

"Jason, what the fuck is going on? Send who up?" I yell after him. He barely gets the name out of his mouth before the elevator doors open.

"Ms. Steele, Sir. Ana is on her way up." The doors open and she stumbles out and falls on her knees in front of me. Just like the first day we met.

"That's ok, Taylor. I'll handle this. You can have the rest of the night off." I say while lifting her up off the floor. You can tell he's unsure but nods and walks away.

"Ana, what are you doing here?" I ask softly in her ear. She is pressed up against me again and it is driving me insane.

"Oh, Christian. I think we both know what I am here for." She puts down her purse and grabs my dick. I jump back because she surprises me.

"I don't think that is a good idea. You're half loaded and will just regret it in the morning. I don't want to be something you wake up regretting. So go to sleep. Taylor will take you home in the morning." I turn to take her to the guest room. My control is slipping, if she doesn't get away from me soon I know I'll give in.

"I'm not worried about tomorrow, Christian. I'm worried about tonight and tonight I need _you_ but if you don't want me anymore I'm sure I can go back to my club and find someone more than willing to do the job." She giggles at me. God I love that sound. She knows she has me. The one thing I won't tolerate is some other fucker touching her.

"Why, Ana? Why are you doing this to me? I'm trying so hard to let you go and let you find someone that deserves you. And you come here for a _fuck_? What am I suppose to do with that?" I run both my hands through my hair. She is making me crazy.

"No, I'm not here for a _fuck_. I know Kate told you some things about me. I just want to feel loved for once. For one night can't we just pretend? Can't _you_ just pretend you love me and much as I love you? I don't want you to _fuck_ me, Christian. I want you to make love to me. Lie to me for just one night, please." She has her arms wrapped around herself as to keep from falling apart. God, she's just as broken as I am. I go to her immediately.

"Oh, Ana. I don't have to lie. I love you more than I've ever loved anything in the world. I just have never _made_ love before. I've never loved anyone and no one has ever loved me. I just don't know how." I'm ashamed of myself but it is true. I have absolutely no idea how to do this.

She leans in and cups my face. Kissing me slowly at first but then with more urgency. I'm going to do everything I would normally do with Ana, just slower and gentler. I am going to worship every inch of her body. I pick her up, wrap her legs around me and carry her to my bedroom. The last time we were in here our lives fell apart. I am determined to make this memory better. Slowly I place her at the end of the bed and kneel in front of her. She raises her arms above her head to make it easier to remove her t-shirt. I pick up the remote control off the nightstand and put "Clarity" by Zedd on repeat. I've been listening to it a lot lately and it seems to fit this situation perfectly. She goes to lift up the hem of my shirt but hesitates.

"Do it, Anastasia. Don't stop, if we are going to do this for each other. We have to do it right." I tell her. To prove to her I love her, I have to let her touch me. Amazingly, she manages to get my shirt off without touching me at all. She doesn't trust me. I push her back on the bed and lift her hips so I can get her jeans off. I pull my own pants off in the process and settle my head in between her thighs. But she moves up on the bed before I can start anything. I crawl up on the bed with her.

"Are you ok? Do you want me to stop? I'll understand if you do." I don't want to stop but at least think I can if she needs me to. She just shakes her head and starts to stroke my aching cock. I need her so bad. I kiss her passionately moving down her neck to her breasts. I'm licking and suckling gently on her while slowly rubbing my thumb over her clit. There is nothing rough or brutal about this and it feels so good. She removes her hand and goes to get a condom from where they were the last time but I stop her. "No, it's ok. I trust you." I tell her kissing her tenderly again while positioning myself at her entrance. I know that she is already soaking wet for me. I sink into her welcoming folds, it feels like heaven. It feels like home. But she is uncomfortable, I can tell. She is fidgeting because she has no idea what to do with her hands. This is what I've done to her. She is so use to being bound that touching is now foreign to her. "Ana, it's ok. Touch me. I want you to." I tell her, still sliding in and out of her slowly. She has her legs wrapped around me pulling me in deeper. I really do want her to now. I need to fix what I have done. She doesn't touch me but flips us over. I sit up. I want to be able to look her in the face not have her on top. "Now, please! DO IT!" I growl at her. I'm about to just grab her hand and put it on my chest myself when she fists her hands in my hair and starts kissing me down my neck. She never touches me with her hands only with her mouth. She is kissing each of my scars and sucking on each of my nipples as she meets me thrust for thrust. Shit, I never knew slow and sweet and being touched could feel so fucking amazing. Every nerve in my body is tingling because of her. I roll us over again. I can feel our bodies building to release and I want to be able to look down into those beautiful blue eyes when we both climax. I am so close. "I love you, baby. I love you so fucking much." I tell her as I feel her walls clenching around me. "AAaarrrr" is all she whimpers as she bows her back off the bed and we fall into our blissful orgasm together. I pull her close to me. My front to her front, still inside her and wrap my arms around her bringing her tightly into my chest. She finally allows herself to put one of her arms around me hugging me to her. This is the way we fall asleep. I have never been happier.

**Ana's POV**

Awww, fuck me! I wasn't supposed to fall asleep. I was supposed to be gone before he woke up. Now what am I going to do. SHIT! Wait, I know. He has something in his nightstand that I can use to get away but first I have to distract him. He starts to stir.

"Good morning, beautiful." He says opening his sleepy grey eyes.

"Um, Hi Christian. It seems like someone is happy to see me this morning." I say rubbing up against him. I'm still wrapped up against him from last night. I can't believe he is letting me touch him. He starts to kiss me deeply moving from my lips, to my neck but stops abruptly when he gets to my breasts.

"What is it? What's wrong?" I ask him. I was actually considering a quicky for the road. I look down at him and he is crying.

"That is what I did to you?" He says rubbing his hands over the scars that he left on my breasts the last time we were together. Tears are running from the corners of his eyes.

"Christian, don't worry about it. It doesn't hurt. Now I get to carry you everywhere with me." I give him a little smile and resume kissing him. I have to get him back in the mood, it's time to make my exit.

He starts kissing me back and tries to roll on top of me but I reverse us and straddle him. I grab his hands and put them above his head still kissing him to keep him distracted. I grab the set of handcuffs out of the nightstand and handcuff him to the bed. It's done so quick I don't think he realizes what is going on until I'm already done. Hell, I've been handcuffed to so many beds I could do it to myself with no problem if I needed to. I jump off him so fast it looks like I am being burned by his flesh.

"I'm sorry, Christian. Please forgive me but this is the only way you would let me go." I tell him while trying to find my clothes on the floor.

"Ana, what the hell are you doing? After last night why would you want to go? Fucking let me out of these handcuffs, Ana, and let's talk about this!" He yells at me, trying desperately to release himself.

"I can't do this! You don't understand! Everything is all good when we are together but I don't trust you. You never told your parents and you still have _HER_! Don't worry, when I am far enough away that you can't follow I will call Taylor and have him release you. Goodbye, Christian." I lean down and kiss him on the head and then run for my life.

**Christian's POV**

FUCK, FUCK, FUCK! How did I let this happen? It's been an hour and Taylor finally got me out of the fucking handcuffs. I can't believe she ran _again_! She didn't even let me explain. I will find her and I will make her mine again!

"Taylor, get Welch on the line. I want the financials on a Club named the "Blue Moose". And I need Anastasia's bank records gone over again. Last night she slipped and called the club _hers_ twice. Also, find out why the fuck she thinks I still have contact with Elena. She was so sure of it. And Taylor I need you to arrange something else for me too." I tell him what it is and send him on his way.

When I get her back I am going to have a surprise for her. When I saw her breasts this morning it twisted my cold dark heart. It was so dark last night I guess I couldn't see them. Right below and above her nipples were two very distinct rows of teeth. I have scarred her for life. Not just physically either. I know deep in my heart that she bought that fucking Club. With her drinking problem that place is going to destroy her and I'm the stupid fucker that gave her the money to do it. Well, I won't abandon you again, Ana. You won't get rid of me that easy this time!

* * *

This is the song Christian had playing in the background when they were making love.

**"Clarity"**

I dive into frozen waves where the past comes back to life  
Fight fear for the selfish pain, it was worth it every time  
Hold still right before we crash 'cause we both know how this ends  
A clock ticks 'til it breaks your glass and I drown in you again

'Cause you are the piece of me I wish I didn't need  
Chasing relentlessly, still fight and I don't know why  
If our love is tragedy, why are you my remedy?  
If our love's insanity, why are you my clarity?

If our love is tragedy, why are you my remedy?  
If our love's insanity, why are you my clarity?

Walk on through a red parade and refuse to make amends  
It cuts deep through our ground and makes us forget all common sense  
Don't speak as I try to leave 'cause we both know what we'll choose  
If you pull then I'll push too deep and I'll fall right back to you

If our love is tragedy, why are you my remedy?  
If our love's insanity, why are you my clarity?

'Cause you are the piece of me I wish I didn't need  
Chasing relentlessly, still fight and I don't know why  
If our love is tragedy, why are you my remedy?  
If our love's insanity, why are you my clarity?

Why are you my clarity?  
Why are you my remedy?  
Why are you my clarity?  
Why are you my remedy?

* * *

A/N – I know I took a little liberty with Ana's age and back story with regards to husband number 3 so cut me some slack. ;-) I needed to so it would fit into my story. I apologize if the lemon sucked. I don't do "hearts and flowers" very well. Angst and being generally fucked up is more my style.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

**Ana's POV**

Jeez, I've left him again. How does he still even want me? He trusts me to touch him and _I_ use that to handcuff him to the BED! What kind of a bitch am I? _You needed to get away! He's betrayed you! He's still betraying you!_ My subconscious lovingly reminds me. She is right. I could not stay knowing what he has done. No matter how much I love him, it just isn't enough for him and it never will be. I feel the bile rise in my throat at the thought of what he has been up to. Why did I go there? Why do I keep doing this to myself? His words of love are just that, only _words_. His actions are much more powerful and paint a picture of anything _but_ love for me. I wish the pull to him wasn't so strong. I need him so bad. His smell, his touch, his voice, his eyes all scream to me on a deep primal level. My heart would have been broken if I had stayed and it is already broken now that I have left. Either way he has ruined me for anyone else. No one will ever be him.

I have almost reached home so I can call Taylor now. That should give me enough time to grab some clothes, money and talk to Kate. I'm going to disappear for a little while. I can't go far since I have to be at the Club most nights but other than that I will pay for everything in cash and use the disposable phone that I had Mark get me. It may take some doing but once I ditch the Security detail that he has following me, except for at the Club, Christian shouldn't be able to find me. In the future he will see it. I am doing this just as much for him as I am for me. He will definitely come after me, of that I have no doubt. He will pursue me like a conquest that he doesn't want to lose. Not because he needs me like I need him but for the simple fact that _The Christian Grey_ does not lose!

"Hey, Taylor, it's me, Ana. I need you to go set Christian free. He's in his bedroom waiting for you. Please try to convince him not to come after me. It would be a big waste of his precious time. Goodbye, Taylor." I hang up, not waiting for a hello or goodbye or even a confirmation that he heard me at all. I just needed to get it out and over with.

I walk into the apartment and find Kate sitting on the couch with Elliott. Fuck, I hadn't planned on him being here. "Hi, Elliott, how's things?" I smile in his direction while continuing to my room. "Kate, can I talk to you for a minute?" I call out behind me.

"Sure Ana." She gets up and kisses Elliott telling him that she'll be back in a minute. He must ask her what's going on because she shrugs her shoulders and follows me into my room.

"Hey, Ana, what's up? Late night again, huh?" She doesn't know that I went to Christian's house last night which is good. It means Elliott doesn't know yet either.

"Listen, Kate. I'm so sorry we almost got into a fight again last night. I love you like a sister and I never want to fight with you. Right now I am in a terrible rush and I really need your help. I need to leave for a little while. Only a few weeks most likely, he should lose interest by then, I think. I won't have a phone or anything that is traceable. The only person who will know where I am is Mark. I will be at the Club most nights but please try not to come by that often ok. Just for now, it's for the best." I tell her, stuffing clothes and toiletries into my duffle bag. I'll buy more when I figure out where I am going to be. I'm pathetic; I damn well remember to take his t-shirt.

"Wait! What is this about? Mark, the bouncer from the Blue Moose? Why would he know and not me? Who is going to lose interest? What the hell is going on here, Ana?" She asks looking scared.

"Kate, don't worry everything will be fine. Christian! Christian is going to be coming after me and I just can't trust myself around him. I need a break. I do not want to jeopardize your relationship with Elliot, which is why I can't tell you everything that is going on. Please just trust me. I'll be back once I am sure I am safe from him." I pull on black sweats and a baseball cap, hiding all my hair under it.

"Safe from him? Did he hurt you again, Ana? I'll fucking KILL him! Relationship or no relationship, Elliott will back me up anyway." She is fuming.

"No, Kate, he actually made love to me. Sweet, slow, tender love and he let me touch him too. But I have proof that clearly tells me that what he does in my presence and what he does when I am not around are two very different things. I just can't trust that I am what he really wants, _all _he wants." I can feel a single tear slide down my cheek telling her that my worst fear has become a reality. I am not his one and only. I wonder if I ever was.

"Ana, you know I am not the biggest fan of Christian Grey but I truly believe that he loves you with all his fucked up heart. I cannot see him betraying you that way and still pursuing you. Especially if he let you touch him. Christian doesn't let _anyone _touch him. But if this is what you really need, tell me how you need me to help." She sighs and sits down on the bed.

"Ok, I need you and Elliott to leave. Make a big scene in front of the building, a distraction. Once you guys leave the apartment, I will head down the back stairs and out through the alley. Mark has a car waiting for me. If you can get Christian's goon squad to be distracted by you for even a few seconds then it will make it easier for me to slip away. If anything major happens while I'm gone and you need me just get a message to Mark and he will get it to me, ok." I kiss her on her cheek and look at her hopefully.

"Fine, I love you, you know. Take care of yourself and don't be away too long." She hugs me tightly and then she is gone.

I hear the front door open and close and I make my way out of the apartment. I lean my head out of the back door and I can hear Kate and Elliott making a big fuss over her wanting to leave but now not wanting to go. They are standing in just the right spot to block the view of the alley way. It is now or never. I run down the street and true to his word, Mark is on the next block waiting for me. I slip into the passenger seat and start to cry as we pull away from everything I love.

**Christian's POV**

I have Welch looking into all of Ana's financial and phone records again. She told Taylor that I shouldn't waste my time. As if I'm actually going to let her go without a fight. The Security team at her apartment has called in to report that she arrived there and has not left. I called Elliot and he confirmed that he saw Ana and that when he and Kate left the apartment she was still in her room. Thank fuck for that. At least if she was going to run, she didn't run far. Maybe she'll come to her senses and come back so we can work this out. Either way, I know she is safe and that gives me more time to find out what has her so convinced that I still have ties to Elena. As much as I hope, I know deep in my dark soul that as long as she believes Elena and I are still involved she will never come back. Elena is a hard limit for her. Hum, hard limits….now those I understand. I still can't believe she handcuffed me to the bed. If that was anyone but Ana, I probably would have reverted back to the scared little four year old boy that I use to be. Who am I kidding? No one but Ana would have ever gotten close enough to pull something like that off. I know I should be mad about it but you've got to love her. It was very creative.

Taylor walks in and snaps me out of my reverie. Well, it's about fucking time! He is carrying a large stack of papers and has a grave look on his face. "I don't like that look, Taylor. It's obvious you've found something. What the fuck is it? Give it to me straight!" Shit! Taylor never looks anything but cool, calm and collected. The shit storm must be coming.

"Sir, you were absolutely right about the Blue Moose. Ms. Steele now owns controlling interest in the Club. She has an unknown silent partner but it is clear, she now calls the shots." He tells me spreading the files out on my desk so I can see what he is talking about.

"What do you mean, _unknown_? How the hell did the sale go through so quickly? We've only been separated for two weeks for fuck sake!" I run my hand through my hair while rummaging through the paperwork.

"See here." He points to a specific set of papers. "The silent partner is listed under a dummy corporation so the actual person's name is kept secret. We think the sale was rushed through because they paid in cash." He stops talking so I can absorb this information but I know there is more. He wouldn't have that look on his face if there wasn't.

"What else is there, Taylor? Don't even bother lying to me. I can see it on your face." I ask, leaning up against the desk. I really don't know how much more I can stand.

"We think we have figured out why Ms. Steele thinks you still have contact with Mrs. Lincoln. It seems that when Ana left you and bought the Blue Moose she also got a new cell phone." The look on his face is like he has eaten something rotten.

"What the fuck does that have to do with anything? I know she got a new cell phone, she left her other one here. We already monitor all of Ana's phone records and e-mails. We know Elena hasn't contacted her that way!" I scream. I need answers and NOW.

"Not _ALL_ Sir. The phone I was referring to is under the Blue Moose not Ana. Since we didn't know about her ownership until today we had no reason to track _that _phone." He winces at the end of that statement. He knows the fury is coming.

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TELLING ME, TAYLOR! That _WE_ didn't know about Ana's other phone but Elena somehow did. How the FUCK is that possible?!" My ever lovin control is fucking slipping again.

"I'm so sorry, Sir. Please, just look for yourself." He says handing me another stack of papers.

My heart drops into my stomach. I am staring at pages and pages of phone records. Texts and calls, all from Elena's phone number. There must be hundreds of them. They look like they started the day after she got the phone.

"Taylor, why can't I see what the texts say? How is it that I have the best fucking Security team in the fucking world yet I can't protect one fucking girl from this damn woman? After everything that has happened how the HELL did she get around us to my Ana AGAIN!" I sneer through my clenched teeth.

"It seems that they are running a program that deletes all the texts after they have been read. It doesn't get rid of the record of the text just the content. As far as we can tell, Ms. Steele never responded to the texts or the phone messages or we may have been able to retrieve them from her side. With all due respect, Sir, you had cut all ties with Mrs. Lincoln. Other than keeping her out of Escala the few times she has shown up, she was of no concern to us anymore. We had no reason to monitor her calls." He straightens up and glares at me. He isn't going to let me blame him for this.

"Bring the car around. I'm going to Ms. Steele's apartment _RIGHT NOW_! We are going to settle this once and for all!" Fuck this stupid shit! Ana is going to listen to me! His phone starts ringing and he puts his hand up to tell me to hold that thought.

"WHAT?...What the fuck do you mean GONE?...When?...Get your asses back here NOW!" He screams into his phone, looks up at me and then steps back and puts himself into a defensive position.

"Sir, it seems Ms. Steele is no longer at her apartment. The Security team didn't see her lights go on this evening and got suspicious. They went and knocked on the door but there was no reply. Worried, they went in. Ms. Steele and most of her belongings are gone." He says sadly.

I blink a few times and just stare at him like he has three fucking heads. Then it starts to sink in what he said and I lose it.

"Taylor, a while ago I _let _you beat the fuck out of me. If you don't fucking find her, I am going to return the fucking favor." I say deceptively calm and take a step toward him. He moves back and raises his hands out in front of him.

"I'll find her, Sir. I promise, I'll find her." He says, walking out backwards so I can't attack him.

I sit down at my desk running my fingers over the print outs in my hand to be sure they are real. Oh, Ana, _another_ fucking secret you've been keeping from me. When will you ever learn?

* * *

A/N – Thanks to all those who read and review. I am a review whore so keep um coming. I hit a milestone with the last chapter. 200 follows. I can't believe it. I love you guys. I would have tried to make this one longer but my toe hurts real bad. My facebook friends will know what that means ;-) The next chapter will be back to the real drama so enjoy the lull while you have it.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

**Christian's POV**

It's been four months since I've laid eyes, or anything else for that matter, on Anastasia. I never thought she would drag this nonsense out for so long. I haven't given up but I must admit, I'm getting a little discouraged. Originally, I tried to reach her through Kate, but it seems even the mighty Katherine Kavanaugh is out of the loop on this one. I have tried leaving gifts and letters and flowers for her at her club but her Muscle man, Mark, always tells me that I've missed her and that he'll make sure that she gets the stuff. Fucker. I've never heard anything back.

I'm sitting at my desk in GEH, once again poring over the documents that Taylor gave me the last time I saw Ana. Of course, there are a lot more of them to go through now but it still doesn't help. I know I am missing something important but I can't find it. The answer is here, in these papers, I know it is. I just can't seem to see it. The Club is the key. I need to find out who is behind that dummy corporation. I know they are the ones helping her and they will lead me straight to Ana. That Club has become my second home. I go just in the hope of catching even a glimpse of her but every time I get close she disappears. I know she is there, I can sense her presence but I can't find her.

Elena hasn't stopped harassing Ana, either. I don't for the life of me understand why? If her purpose was to break us up, well then she's already gotten what she wanted. Why continue? I have destroyed her business and even went so far as to threaten her with bodily harm if she didn't stop but the sick Bitch just got aroused by that. I don't understand why Ana doesn't just get rid of the fucking phone already. Why allow Elena that connection to her? Aaaarrrrh, this is so frustrating. What the hell am I missing?

I've decided to go to her club again tonight. I never go on Tuesdays because I am usually so busy keeping GEH under control but maybe that's the key. Hopefully, she has become so complacent by that fact that I can take her by surprise this time.

"Andrea, get Taylor in here for me!" I bark down the phone at her. He comes in almost immediately.

"Yes, Sir. What can I do for you?" He asks in his trademark even voice.

"I will be going to The Blue Moose tonight but I need help. I need to look utterly common. I need to blend in. Also, I need you and your men to keep their distance. I don't want them to see me coming." I tell him. That should take care of that. I _will_ see Anastasia tonight.

**Ana POV**

I can't believe it has been four months and he still won't let it go. Stubborn Bastard! He has moved on, so why the hell won't he let me do the same? At least I know I can relax tonight. It's Tuesday, Christian _never_ comes in on Tuesday. I have given Mark the night off. He and Jen are going strong and I am so happy for them but he is always so busy protecting me that I thought giving them some alone time would be a nice gesture. He was wary about leaving me alone at first but I reassured him that it is Tuesday and I have the others here if anything happens. Just to be extra careful though, I am going to dress down and stay on the Hip Hop floor. Since it is upstairs, it is the furthest from the front door and the closest to my safe haven. I am wearing all black. Black tank top, black cargo pants and black Timberlands with my hair tied back in a pony tail. I feel safe. No hiding from my demons tonight. I blend into the darkness perfectly.

**Ana's Mystery Helper POV**

It is so nice to see Ana finally relax. I'm watching her dance to Nelly's "Just a Dream". She has her eyes closed and seems more at peace than I've seen her in a long time. I love that I can be here for her now. She has done nothing but protect me since the first day we met all those years ago and it is about time I got to return the favor. She worries about Grey too much. She is convinced that I will be in danger if he ever finds out who is helping her hide. Truthfully, I don't give a fuck. I know that one day he'll figure out where she is hiding and why. It's a chance I'm willing to take for her. I would do anything to keep her safe. None the less, I try my best to convince her that he will never find out. I changed my last name a few years ago and used a dummy corporation to help her buy this Club. So he can search on and on and still not figure out who I really am. But she is so sweet, she still worries.

A shiver runs down my spine. There is trouble here, I can feel it. I scan the Club and catch him out of the corner of my eye. He is about 100 feet behind Ana and moving in her direction. The replacement Bouncer must not have recognized him. He has a baseball cap on that is hiding his trademark copper hair but I would know him anywhere. We don't get many six foot three, gray eyed men walking into this place. He seems to be alone. I would know if Taylor was with him, he sticks out like a sore thumb too.

I am too far away to reach Ana before he does so I pull out my phone and send her an emergency text message.

"RUN, ANA! RUN, NOW! BIG POPPA IS IN THE HOUSE!" She will understand that. Big Poppa is our code name for Christian. I know he's not a dead 400lb black rapper but it still works well for us. And really, if anyone were to hear it there is no way they would think we were referring to Christian. I see her take out her phone and read the message. She looks up at me and then her eyes lock with Grey's. The look of panic is evident on her face as she turns and runs like a bat out of hell.

I send Donny, Jay and Bobby over to subdue him. I don't want to show my face yet just in case he has pictures of me in Ana's file. If he is as thorough as Ana says then he will. It is sad to watch really. She is gone and he is still screaming after her.

"Please, Ana. Don't run!"…

"Please, Stop! I fucking _LOVE _you! TALK. TO. ME!"….

"Let me GO! Get the fuck off of me! Ana! ANA!"…

That is the last thing I hear before my men carry him away.

**Ana's POV**

My God! I think I am going to have a heart attack. He was so close. He can't find me _now_. Thank God, I got away. I'm in the panic room behind the wall in my office. Even if he was to come in here he would never find me. The door blends into the wall so you wouldn't even know there was a room here. His screaming for me is breaking my heart. He has no idea how badly I want to go run into his arms right now. The pull is just as strong today as it was the first day we met. But even if he wasn't with _her_, too much has changed to go back now. I turn off the CCTV monitors so I don't have to see him fight anymore.

I have been in here for about an hour when I'm told the coast is clear and that they are sure he won't be coming back.

"Come, Ana, its safe. You can come out now." He says smiling at me.

"Are you sure? Maybe he'll come back. He obviously knows I'm really here this time." I'm not completely convinced that it is safe yet.

"Yes, I'm positive. We kicked him out and then I had him tailed. He went back to Escala." He tells me with sympathy in his voice.

He holds out his hand and I take it allowing myself to be walked out. He brings me downstairs and sits me down at our one and only VIP table.

"Do you need something to drink, Ana? Your usual?" I nod and he walks away toward the bar.

Oh for fuck sake! Can this night get any better? Who the fuck is on the door tonight anyway? I look up and see Elena "She-Devil" Lincoln standing in front of me.

"Hello, Anastasia. It seems we have some business to discuss tonight." She purrs.

"No, Elena, we have nothing to discuss that I am aware of." I purr back at her. I am not usually one for cat fights but tonight I'm really not in the fucking mood.

"Oh_, really_? I'm quite positive that you saw Christian this evening. Do I need to remind you what you'll lose if you try and go back to him?" She sneers at me. As well as someone with that many Botox injections can sneer, that is.

"Believe me, Elena. I am very aware of my fucked up situation. _You_ do not have to remind me of shit!" I raise my voice a little and stand up. I don't like being beneath her.

"He's MINE, you fucking Bitch! You would do well to remember that. Stay the fuck away from him." She says trying to use her Dom voice. It serves only to piss me off even more.

"Is he now? If he is so fucking happy with you then why does he keep coming back here? Maybe you should worry less about me and more about keeping _your_ man on a tighter leash!" I scream down at her.

I didn't even see it coming. The fucking Bitch hit me. I don't even realize that I've snapped. I'm a ball of blind rage. I grab her by the hair and repeatedly punch her in the head. My clothes and pony tail working to my advantage. It's easier to fight when you aren't in a dress and six inch heels. She falls to the ground but instead of stopping I straddle her and continue to punch her in the face and body. "TAKE THAT YOU FUCKING CUNT!" I shriek. I'm vaguely aware that someone is trying to pull me off of her. She is moaning and rolls into the fetal position to try and protect herself. Not so fucking tough when it's not adolescent boys that she is beating the fuck out of now is she. They get me about five feet away from her when I break their hold. "This is for Christian" I say as I walk over to her. I pull back my leg and kick her full force in the face. Secretly smiling to myself that the boots I am wearing have steel toes. "Lights out, Bitch!" I whisper in triumph.

**Christian's POV**

I was so close! So close and she got away again. Who the fuck did they think they were manhandling me like that? Why does this keep happening to me? I couldn't see her very well but I saw those beautiful blue eyes. She looked terrified and sad at the same time. How the fuck does she keep getting warned that I am there? If I could have just touched her I know I could make her see. I would remind her of the good times, of how much I truly love her. I put my feet up on my desk and close my eyes. I fall asleep thinking of sad blue eyes.

"Sir…Sir….CHRISTIAN! Get the FUCK up!" Bang, bang, bang. Taylor is banging on my desk trying to wake me up. Maybe I was having another nightmare.

"I'm up! I'm up! What the fuck is going on, Taylor?" I rub my eyes still trying to rid them of my sleep.

"Get fucking dressed. We have to go NOW!" He yells and throws some clothes in my direction.

"Go? Go where? You better tell me what the fuck is happening RIGHT FUCKING NOW!" Who does he think he is fucking ordering around?

"To the Police Station! We are going to the Police Station. Ms. Steele has been arrested. Now, no offense, but MOVE!" He is going in hyper drive. I don't even know if _he_ knows what he is doing.

"Arrested? Arrested for what? I just saw her not three fucking hours ago. She was in her stinking fucking Club. She was fine." I tell him. There has to be a mistake. Wait, what time is it? How long was I sleeping?

He turns around and glares at me. "She has been arrested for the attempted Murder of Elena Lincoln."

* * *

A/N – So did Elena's ass whoopin meet everyone's expectations? I hope so. I know this chapter is shorter but I decided to cut it off here instead of at the Police station like I had originally planned. There are some big reveals there so I think it deserves its own chapter. And as promised I got this out when it's still Thursday. Well, my time anyway. For some it might be Friday but I tried my best. I'm going to try to update again tomorrow night. As always, I look forward to reading your reviews and ideas for what you would like to see happen. I actually have used one or two of them :-)


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

**Ana's POV**

Well, jail cells being what they are, this isn't that bad. Since half of the Cops in Seattle hang out in my Club, they know me personally and they have been very accommodating. They did not handcuff me when leaving the club so no one would know what was going on. I was able to keep my belongings and I'm being moved to an Interview room to wait for Counsel. I will be out of here soon. I never would have been arrested at all except for the fact that when Elena woke up in the Hospital she named me as her attacker. I'm not worried. I know the boys will take care of it. There will be no evidence to back up her claim and with my squeaky clean good girl record no judge will believe her over me.

The question now is what do I do about Christian? With Elena out of the way, do I come clean about what has been going on? I really just want to know why? Why would he go back to _her_ of all people? Why could he not just leave me in peace? Not that it matters. When he finds out what we've really been hiding he'll either never let me go or he'll walk away forever. I'm predicting the latter.

Officer DiNozzo knocks on the door and tells me that I have a visitor. I assume it is my Lawyer and move to sit at the table in the far corner of the room. I get the shock of my life when I look up and see Christian walk in. My silent questions being answered for me. There is nowhere to run now. Thank God I was sitting down when he walked in. I need to think quickly.

"Christian? What the hell are you doing here?" I say and pull myself in closer to the table.

"I'm here for you, Baby. I'm going to fix this. You are coming home with me." He states confidently walking toward me. God he's gorgeous.

"Like fucking HELL I am! I'd rather spend the night in jail then go anywhere with _you_! Do NOT TOUCH ME!" Arrogant fucking Bastard thinks he can waltz in here and dictate what is going to go on. Like I am going to fall to my knees and beg him to rescue me. Cocksucker! Um, yum, that _cock__._ Falling to my knees….Fuck! What am I thinking about? Fucking hormones! I think I just licked my lips and moaned.

"Ana, why are you acting like this? What have I done to make you _hate_ me so much? I just don't understand. I saw your eyes tonight. I know you need me and much as I need you. Tell me what I did wrong and I will fix it, Baby." He sits across from me and grabs my hand. Gently stroking my arm up and down, the feeling goes straight to my groin. Oh, Fuck me! Wait, No don't fuck me, that's not what I meant. Get it the fuck together Steele!

"How can you even ask me _that_? Why are you even here? Shouldn't you be off with your _girlfriend_ making sure she has the best Plastic Surgeon available?" I snicker at him and pull my hand away. As long as he's not touching me I can resist.

"For Christ's sake, Ana, I am NOT with Elena! What the fuck is wrong with you? Why can't you just leave that shit in the past where it belongs? You are my future. You are the only one I want, the only one I'll _ever_ want. I know she has been harassing you still but you could have just walked away. You could have come to me. You didn't need to beat her half to death. We could have gotten her to stop _together_." He says running his hands through his beautiful just fucked hair. If she wasn't in the Hospital I would worry that he _was_ just fucked. Unbidden, images pop into my head and I remember my purpose.

"Liar! How can you sit here and lie straight in my face like that? If you aren't with her then how the fuck do you explain these?" I am shaking like a leaf as I hand him my iPad. I'm so exhausted. I just want this to be over already.

**Christian's POV**

She hands me her iPad, shaking as she does. Her eyes are brimming with tears. I have a feeling that I'm about to find out what Elena has been up to. Ana reaches over me and opens up the file I need. My breath hitches and I gasp at the sight in front of me. It is copies of all the files and text messages Elena sent Ana over the past 5 months. Most of them pictures, pictures of me and Elena _together_. There must be hundreds of them. I think I'm going to be sick. No wonder she thought I had betrayed her. She's gotten to see my depravity in full Technicolor HD on a daily basis. There are pictures of me whipping Elena, my arousal very evident, standing at attention, loud and proud. There are also pictures of me fucking her in every conceivable fashion, her mouth, her ass, her pussy. But the worst one by far is the one of me fucking her from behind, pulling on the ball gag I have stuffed in her mouth while I climax and fill her with my seed. What makes it worse than the others is that this one actually has a caption. It says "Can you see it now? How happy I make him. You could never give him _this_. He is MINE and he always will be!" That sick bitch. If Ana's assault didn't kill her then I sure the fuck will.

Elena has done well. She has only used pictures of the later part of our relationship when she Subbed for me. None of the pictures are from when I was her Sub. I haven't changed much physically in the last 6 years so I can see why Ana would believe they were current. I can't look at these anymore. I have to make Ana see that these have all been taken out of context. I put down the iPad and grab both of her hands.

"Oh, Ana, why didn't you come to me with this is the first place? We have spent the last 4 months apart because of _these?_ Ana, these photos were taken when I 20 or 21 not _now_! I haven't had sexual relations with Elena for six fucking years. I don't even have a Business relationship with her anymore. I destroyed her Business for what she did to you!" I'm begging her to see reason.

"Stop it! You're still doing it. After all that you just saw you're still lying! What about _THESE, Christian?_ You didn't even have Escala 6 years ago! Get it through your head. You can't lie your way out of this one!" She spits at me. She grabs the iPad and flips through several pictures of Elena coming into Escala and then leaving looking thoroughly well fucked. All of them dated within the last 5 months.

"Shit, Ana. Yes she's been there but she's always been turned away. I've never taken her visits. Why are you so willing to believe her instead of _me_? I am the one you claim to love yet you really think this low of me." She just won't see it. I am crying, she is crying. This is so fucked up.

"I….I'm ssooorrry! I miss you so much but I can't be what you need. Don't you see that? Do you think I didn't see how happy, aroused and fucking sated you were in those pictures. I can't fucking give that to you and it is _killing_ me!" She sobs. She has her hands in her hair and her shoulders are shaking from crying.

I have had enough. I can't see her like this anymore. I get up and round the table pulling her up by her cheeks. Beautiful blue eyes to haunted gray. I have waited so long for this. "I missed you too" I whisper before I crush my lips to hers. I pour all the hurt, anger, passion and heartache of the last 4 months into that kiss. She is kissing me back like her life depends on this little bit of contact. She is fisting her hands in my hair and we get lost in each other. I think we actually forget where we are. I start to run my hands up and down her glorious body until I get to her waist and freeze. I push away from her and back up to the wall.

"Ana, what the fuck happened to your stomach? Is that what I fucking think it is?" I sneer, pointing at her obviously bulging belly.

"It is and it isn't. Yes, I'm pregnant but no I didn't get this way on purpose. Please, Christian just go away. I don't want anything from you. It was just an accident that the shot I got didn't work. You can walk away right now and forget either of us exists. I won't hold it against you. I know you didn't sign up for this. Just don't think I tried to trap you on purpose. I'd rather be without you than have you think of me like that." She sighs and wraps her hands around herself. Tears are streaming down her face.

"That's m..m..m..my BABY? When did this happen? How long have you known? For fuck sake, Ana, you drink like a fish!" I sputter. This can't be happening. I finally got her to listen to me. We were finally going to be together without all the bullshit.

"No, Christian, it's not yours. I had a fucking affair with the beer distributor. What do you think? I'm five months along, you do the math. And Calm down! I don't drink at all. The minute I found out I stopped. We knew you would be watching so we switched out one of the bottles of liquor. We knew there would be questions if I all of a sudden stopped drinking cold turkey. I haven't had anything stronger than club soda in months." She tells me calmly. How can she be so calm? I feel like a caged animal and the walls are closing in on me.

"I don't need that wise ass mouth of yours right now, Anastasia. Five months? Oh, God does that mean? Please tell me I'm wrong. Was this baby conceived in that alley, Ana? Why didn't you tell me before now? We could have gotten this taken care of!" I growl at her.

"Taken _care_ of? Are you suggesting that I would have ever even considered _killing_ OUR Baby? Regardless of what circumstances this child was conceived out of it was still conceived out of _LOVE, _Christian. This baby is a part of _us_ and I would never kill that." She steps back in absolute disgust of what I just implied.

We stand there glaring at each other for a few minutes when we realize we are not alone. My Father is standing in the doorway with his mouth hanging open. Shit, I had forgotten that I called him to come represent Ana. It seems like forever that we all just stand there looking back and forth between each other before Ana speaks.

"Well, hello Mr. Grey. What are you doing here?" Ana asks him but he hasn't stopped staring at her swollen belly since he walked in.

"When I found out what happened I asked him to come down and represent you." I say for him. Come on Dad stop staring already.

"That was very nice of you but really not necessary. I'm sure my Attorney will be here any moment now. I have a very good support system in place." She says turning toward me for that last comment.

I take one last look into those beautiful sad blue eyes. Who am I trying to kid? I can't be a father. They are better off without me. "I…I'm sorry. I can't do this right now. Please forgive me, Ana." I whisper and walk toward the door.

My Father grabs my arm as I try to pass him, effectively stopping my flight. "Don't, Son. If you walk out that door now, you'll regret it for the rest of your life." He tells me but I just can't be here right now. I pull out of his grasp.

"Just make sure she gets out of this, ok." I say softy and leave. I have to go have a little chat with Elena Lincoln.

**Ana's POV**

I couldn't have written that scene better if I had written it myself. I knew that this would be his reaction. Maybe that is why I let Elena continue with her harassment and never told him what was really going on. Deep down I knew that once he found out he would walk away and I'd never see him again. As long as he stayed in the dark there was hope. Now there is none.

I feel bad that this is the way poor Carrick found out about the baby. He is still standing there in the doorway dumbstruck.

"Mr. Grey? …..Carrick?...Are you ok?" I ask. The poor man is in a daze.

"Um…Oh, yes Ana. Please let's go over here and sit down." He motions me toward the table.

"That's really alright, Mr. Grey. I wasn't just being nice back there. My Counsel should have been here already and I really don't want anything from Christian." I hang my head and return to the table.

"Ana, I'm sorry but I need to ask. Is that my grandchild you're carrying? How long has Christian known and what does Elena Lincoln have to do with all this?" He looks at me expectantly. Always the Lawyer. How am I supposed to explain all this to him?

"Yes, Mr. Grey, the baby is Christian's. He just found out right now and as for Mrs. Lincoln, we have had a long standing problem with each other. Any other information on that _problem,_ you will have to ask Christian." What else can I say? _No Sir, I am not a gold digging whore who is trying to trap your son._

Like an answer to my prayers, Michael finally walks in. I stand to greet him and he walks over and gives me a big hug. "Finally, Mr. Grey this is Michael Banner. He is my Attorney, Business partner and good friend. Michael, this is Mr. Carrick Grey, Christian's Father." Michael eyes Carrick warily and raises his eyebrow at me. I just shrug in response. We will discuss it later.

"Hello, Mr. Grey. It's a pleasure to meet you." Michael says holding out his hand to Carrick. They are sizing each other up. Michael is 6 ft 4, 250 pounds, brown hair and green eyes. He is an imposing figure in his own right.

"The pleasure is mine, Mr. Banner." Carrick says taking Michael's hand to shake.

"Well, yes. Mr. Grey if you would please excuse us there are things I must discuss with Ms. Steele privately. Her arraignment is coming up within the hour." Michael nods at him and takes his seat across from me at the table.

"If it is all the same with Ana, I would still like to be involved." Please, Carrick. Why can't these Grey men just let shit go?

"Um, Mr. Grey. I am really confident in Michael's ability to defend me and there are things that I'd rather not involve you in. That being said, I would not object to you being present at the arraignment if you so wish." There is nothing that will be said there that he doesn't already know anyway. We won't be admitting to anything.

"That's fine, Ana. I'll be there. That is my Grandbaby you are carrying there and that makes you family. We, Greys protect our Family at all costs. And that will always apply to you, with or without Christian's involvement. Don't shut us out, Ana." He smiles and kisses me on the cheek before he leaves.

* * *

A/N – To all the NCIS fans, I couldn't resist, Michael Weatherly is H-O-T! Big shout out to BannersandMash which is where I got Michael's last name from. Without you I would never have given this a shot to begin with. To the wonderful Guest reviewers that tell me how much they like the story, thank you very much. I wish I could respond to you personally. With that said, I try my best to respond to _EVERYONE _who logs in and leaves a review. If you have a question, don't hesitate to ask. I _will_ get back to you. I appreciate everyone, good or bad, who takes the time out to review or send me a PM. Love you guys. The next update will probably be on Monday night and include Christian seeing Elena, finding out who Michael is and another little surprise.. ;-)


	16. Chapter 16

A/N – Hey there Guys, I know I usually write my note at the end and there will be another there this time but I felt the need to warn some of you before you start reading. If you can't stand the thought of Grace being anything but sweet and innocent then please skip the part of this chapter that is written in her POV. Thanks.

**Chapter 16**

**Christian's POV**

I walk into Seattle Grace with a hat on and my jacket pulled up to my ears. My head is hung low to keep anyone from seeing my face. I don't want anyone alerting my Mother to my presence. I know Dad is going to tell her about Ana and the baby and right now I can do without the disappointed looks and endless questions. Especially the ones about Elena's involvement in this fucked up situation.

I find her room quickly. Taylor called ahead to find out where she was so I wouldn't have to stop and ask on the way in. To my disadvantage, my hair color and face make it hard for me to go unnoticed. Much to his disappointment, he is waiting in the car right now. I was able to convince him that it would be easier for one of us to get in without calling attention then two. His impressive form also not easily forgotten.

I walk into the room and close the door behind me. Luckily for me, she has a private room at the end of the corridor far away from anyone's earshot.

"Who's there? Why did you close the door?" She asks in a shaky voice. She must be afraid Ana sent someone to finish the job.

"Hello, Elena. It seems we have some things to discuss." I look up at her and say in a calm voice hoping that she can see the fury in my eyes.

"Oh, Christian, Darling. I knew this would be the final straw for you. I knew after you found out what she did you would come back to me." She purrs. It does not have the desired effect.

"Come back to _you_? Woman, have you completely lost your mind? I saw the pictures and the texts you sent Ana. You make me sick!" I spit at her.

" So, little Miss Perfect gets what she wants after all, does she? She dangles her fat fucking gut in your face and you go right back to kissing her ass. I'm disappointed, Christian. I thought you were smarter than this!" She raises her voice and tries to sit straighter up on the bed. Ana gave her a good beating, she may actually have some serious damage here. Way to go, Baby! Wait, Baby? Gut? She _knew_!

"Her GUT? You fucking knew? You knew I was going to be a father and you kept it from me!" I am yelling at her and shaking her by the shoulders.

"I was protecting you, Christian. Protecting you from a gold digging tramp that was trying to trap you and turn you into something you can't possibly be. You could never be a father. You're not built for it. But that's ok. Don't hide from who you really are, not with me." She giggles and tries to lift her arm to stroke my cheek.

"Don't you fucking touch me! She is not like that. She wants nothing from me but my love!" I grind through my clenched teeth. In that moment it hits me. I truly believe what I just said. Ana _didn't_ try and trap me. I need to get out of here. I need to be sure they are safe.

"Love? Your _LOVE_? What the hell has she done to you? We have been over this a hundred times. Love is for fools. You are not capable of love and you don't deserve anyone's love in return. You'll see, you poor deluded fool. One day she'll leave you just like everyone else does." She smirks at me and fixes her hospital gown.

"She _does _love me, and I love her! And you are going to drop all the charges against her or I am going to tell my Parents what you did to me all those years ago. I'll tell the whole world so fast, your head will spin!" I scream at her in defiance.

"Ha Ha Ha, look at you, you little wimp! "_I'm gonna tell my Mommy on you"_ . Who do you think will be hurt more if you come clean about us? How do you think poor Grace will handle the fact that you like to beat your sexually partners? And how about we tell her how rock hard you use to get when I would whip you then have my wicked way with you. No, Christian, it will be a cold day in hell when I do anything to help your precious Anastasia. I took a useless, hopeless, worthless little 15 year old punk and turned him into a powerful, wealthy Sex God. Your little Bitch has destroyed you! Look at you now, crying about _love _and your _mommy_. Grow up and grow a pair, Christian. I will help her over my dead body!" She rants with a wicked grin on her face.

"You taught me how to FUCK, Elena. That much is true. The money and power are mine and mine alone. As for your dead body, that can be arranged. Don't push me! Since you refuse to see reason, I guess I will be forced to pursue alternative methods." I back up and walk out of the room. SHIT! How am I going to get Ana out of this one now?

**Grace's POV**

Cary has phoned to tell me that Elena is in the hospital and from what he has been told Ana is the one that put her there. I am on my way to see her and believe me I will be asking why there is this intense hatred between my son's ex-girlfriend and my best friend. I wasn't even aware they knew each other except through Christian. I've always known Ana to be a sweet girl so something must have been terribly wrong for her to resort to violence.

I approach Elena's room but come to a halt outside the door when I hear raised voices coming from within. My heart sinks as I realize it is Christian's voice I am hearing fighting with Elena.

"You don't deserve anyone's love…."

"She'll leave you like everyone else…."

"Drop all charges….I'll tell my Parents what you did…"

"Beat your sexual partners…..whip you and have my wicked way…"

"Worthless little 15 year old….sex god…dead body…."

"Taught me to FUCK…."

Oh my Holy God! She touched my Son! She destroyed my Son! I have to move. I can't let him know that I am here. I back into the alcove outside of her room and hide until I see him leave. My poor Boy, I can see the fear, anger and HURT in his eyes before he raises his jacket and hangs his head in shame.

I wait a good 5 minutes before entering the room so that it is not obvious that I was there all along. I calm my breathing and make sure no tears are falling. This is my fault, what happened to him, and I plan on remedying that fact right now. Gone is sweet, innocent, naïve Grace. In her place is cold, hard Mamma Bear Grey and I am out for my pound of flesh!

"Elena, I was surprised to hear that you were here. I came to check on you." I smile and step toward her bed. I pick up the chart and familiarize myself with her injuries.

"Oh, Grace it is so nice that you came. Do you see what that psychopath did to me? We have to keep her away from Christian!" If only she knew, she would wipe that smile right off her face. I must get her to help Ana first though.

"I wholeheartedly agree that Christian needs to be protected from the evil woman in his life. Cary has it on good authority that if all charges were to be dropped against Ana then we would have a much better chance at having her _disappear_ for good but with pending charges against her she will have to stay here to face them indefinitely. Christian fully intends to be by her side for the whole ordeal too. I don't know what to do." I look at her sadly. A little white lie won't hurt. She is the evil and I _am_ going to make her disappear.

"Really? Well, I can help there. If it really means she'll be gone then I will drop the charges against her. You know I would do _anything _for Christian. Hand me the phone will you." I simply nod and hand her the phone from the bedside table.

While she is talking I start putting my plan into action. I untie the call bell from her bed and put it where she can't reach it. It is just around shift change in the Hospital so I don't have to worry about any of the Nurses walking in anytime soon. I retrieve the 60cc syringe out of my pocket and fill it with air. Since her injuries were not considered life threatening she does not have any monitors that I have to worry about. She did however lose a good amount of blood so it was too hard to get in a peripheral IV. They had to put in a central line. This makes my life so much easier. A direct line to the heart is exactly what I need. If you ask me she is getting off easy. She will be scared and in a good amount of pain but with the lack of oxygen she will not be able to scream. She will be gone in under a minute and all tests will point to a heart attack. The air will have been absorbed by her tissues before anyone gets a chance to take a good look at her.

"Grace?...Grace? Earth to Grace. It is done. They are going to interrupt her arraignment right now to tell the Judge that I recanted. Now Christian can be safe." She says smiling at me.

"You don't know how right you are Elena. I promise you Christian will now be safe." I smirk at her and take a seat next to her on the bed. I clamp off the IV line and hook the syringe up to the proximal port of her Central line.

"What is that Grace?" She questions. Ana's assault has left her blind in her left eye so she can't see what is in the syringe.

"Pain relief, Dear. Unfortunately for you this relief is for my pain and for Christian's pain, not yours! I just want to know something before I give you what you so richly deserve. Why Me? Why Christian? Did you think I was so stupid I would never find out? I was supposed to be your best friend and instead you were using the information I was giving you to attack my Son. You know what, I don't even care. Nothing you could possibly say would make a difference. You will never have your filthy claws in him again." I say and slam down on the plunger sending my wonderful revenge straight to her cold black heart.

She immediately clamps her hand down on her chest, struggling to breath. Fear and realization of what is to come, dancing in her eyes. Some might say sitting here watching her slip away is cruel. Some say hell hath no fury like a woman scored. Those people obviously have never dealt with a Mother who not only didn't protect her child but singlehandedly fed him to the wolves with her own two hands.

"Ssshhh, Ssshhh. It's ok, Elena. You'll be in hell soon enough." I whisper to her as she finally gives into the darkness. I go about setting the room back up properly before I start to call people in. I reattach her call bell, place the syringe in my pocket and unclamp the IV line. I press the call bell and wait patiently for the Nurse to answer.

"Can I help you?" A voice comes through the intercom.

"CODE BLUE! CODE BLUE! This is Dr. Trevelyan-Grey. I need a code cart in here NOW!" I scream in the intercom. I know it's too damn late to do anything for her but I still have to play the game.

They work on her for 20 minutes before they finally call her time of death. I have allowed myself to start crying. I am crying for Christian not for her but they won't know the difference. One of the Nurses approaches me.

"Dr. T I am so sorry for your lose. Is there anyone I can call for you? She listed you as her next of Kin, we are going to need to know what the arrangements will be." She looks at me expectantly.

"No, thank you Dear. I will call my Husband myself. As for the arrangements, if you could get me the forms I would like to donate her body to Science. Elena was always very generous with Charities. I believe it is what she would want." I give her a small smile and send her on her way. Bullshit, Elena would never want her body diced up by some medical students or left on the Body Farm to rot so someone could analyze the rate of her decay. But it makes me feel better to know that maybe the Cunt could do something worthwhile for a change.

* * *

A/N – Before everyone starts to review and drag me through the ringer. I know some of you will not like what Grace has done but I will absolutely not apologize for writing it this way. All of my Characters have a bit of a dark side and that is the way I want it. Besides it is what I would do if in Grace's situation. God help the person who ever fucked with my kids so I thought this is the way I would have my Grace handle it. I also know I took a good amount of creative license with the Medical aspects. Plunging 60cc of anything into someone's IV without collapsing either the tube or the vein is a lot harder than I made it out to be but it was what I needed for the story. It is also not as easy to donate someone's body to Science if they have not already given consent but shit it made me laugh.

Also, I know I promised to have Christian find out who Michael is in this Chapter but I am tired and need to go to bed. But because I aim to please I will update again tomorrow so that you get everything I promised. To the Guest that asked me to please not have Michael be Gideon Cross, you have nothing to worry about. Newbie has Gideon covered in her wonderful story "Fifty Shades of Crossfire". I love Gideon but one is enough for me right now. Love you guys as always. Be kind.


	17. Chapter 17

A/N – First off let me say "Wow". I never could have imagined the response I have already received for yesterday's chapter. I know everyone loves Grace so I worried a little about how you guys would receive my version of her. Thank you so much for the support. I really appreciate it.

**Chapter 17**

**Ana's POV**

Carrick has left to go wait for us in the Courtroom. It was so nice of him to offer to protect me and the baby. I really hope Christian steps up but it is nice to know that my baby will still have a true Family even if he doesn't, unlike the way I grew up. I never knew my Dad. I have been told he is dead but with my Mother moving from man to man the way she does. I sometimes wonder if she even knows who my biological father is. Michael pulls me out of my dark thoughts.

"So, Ana would you like to explain Mr. Grey to me? Why was he here? How much does he know?" He asks. He is worried.

"Someone told Christian that I was here and he came to see me. He had told Carrick to come help with my defense. As far as I know Mr. Grey walked in just as Christian was finding out about the baby. I admitted nothing with regards to Elena. Now where the _hell _were you?" I bite a little too harshly at him.

"I'm sorry, Ana. I was trying to get this taken care of without you needing to go before a Judge. They have no evidence against you. The CCTV's just happen to have been being serviced at that time and many of the patron's have signed affidavits stating that you were trying to help Mrs. Lincoln, not hurt her. Unfortunately for us, the Judge wouldn't let it go because of Elena's statement. The best we can hope for now is that the Judge sets bail and we can get you home later today. _So_, after all these months of hiding, the Great Christian Grey finally knows about the little Heir apparent. How did that go?" He is smirking at me. Idiot.

"Not as well as I had hoped. He walked away. But that is ok. I have you, Mark and the other guys. Carrick has offered to step up and represent Christian's side of the family and now that everything is out I can reconnect with Kate. I have missed her so much. This baby is going to have more people around than it knows what to do with." I give him a reassuring smile.

"Oh, Ana. Smile all you want but I know you better than that. I know it hurts. Do you need me to go kick the shit out of him because I will you know?" He is being serious.

"NO! I do not need you to beat the shit out of him, Dummy. Always trying to protect me aren't you. It's ok. It will all work out for the best." I grab his hand and squeeze.

"Trying yes….succeeding…not so much." He looks down at his hands and frowns. After Kate told Christian about what happened to me as a kid, I started having nightmares. Not so much about what happened but about Christian turning away from me in disgust. Michael overheard one of them one night and has been blaming himself for not being there to protect me ever since.

"Stop this nonsense. What happened was not _your _fault! I never told anyone but Carla and she told me that it was my fault and that I should keep my mouth shut. End of story." Thankfully, we are interrupted by the officer telling us that they are ready for us in the Courtroom.

We walk the long hallway in silence. I am not afraid just disappointed. I had such different hopes for my life. Single, pregnant and arrested for Assault were never on the agenda. We walk in and I quickly scan the courtroom. The glimmer of hope that I held out for Christian to be here is dashed in an instant. I see Carrick sitting behind the table where I will be sitting in a minute. He has Elliott and Kate with him. Kate is crying and I can hear both her and Elliot gasp as they take in my expanding stomach. I give her a sad smile and a shrug. As I position myself to sit, Carrick grabs my shoulder and whispers in my ear. "Family, Ana. Remember that." I look back and forth between the three of them and they all nod in agreement. They are here to stand behind me in a united Grey Family front. It is touching. Too bad the most important Grey Family member is absent.

The Bailiff calls us to stand for the Judge. "All rise, This court is now in session. Docket number 34153, The People v. Anastasia Steele. The Honorable Judge Maria MacAuley presiding." We all stand and wait for the Judge to take her seat.

She sits and bangs her gavel bringing the court to order. "Please, take a seat and come to order. This is the case of The People vs. Anastasia Steele. The Charge is Assault in the first degree. How does the Defendant plead?" I am taken back by her no nonsense attitude. Talk about getting straight to the point. Michael nudges me to speak.

"Um, Not Guilty, your Honor." I think it came out as more of a question than I wanted it to.

"Let the record show that the Defendant has entered a plea of Not Guilty. I will now hear arguments on the matter of bail." This woman is definitely not someone whose bad side I would want to be on. But she does seem fair enough. At least she is entertaining bail.

Michael stands to speak but is interrupted by the door opening loudly. Office DiNozzo from the Police Station enters and walks over to the Prosecutor. He whispers something in his ear and hands him some papers. The Prosecutor looks at us and then at Judge MacAuley. He has turned an awful shade of purple.

"If you please Your Honor, may we approach the bench?" He asks the Judge who looks anything but thrilled. She sighs and motions them over to her.

They are going back and forth whispering for what seems like forever. I turn to ask Carrick what is going on but he just mouths that he has no idea either. Finally they are finished and Michael returns to his seat and gives my hand a squeeze.

"Well, this is all very unusual but given this new information. I have no choice but to dismiss all charges against Ms. Steele immediately. You are free to go, My Dear. Please accept the Court's apologies for wasting your time. I would hope that the Prosecutor would have all his ducks in a row before gracing my courtroom with his presence again. This court is dismissed." She bangs her gavel and storms out leaving us in awe and the Prosecutor looking thoroughly bent over .

I am in shock, I don't understand what just happened here. It seems everyone is. We descend on Michael in a frenzy.

"What happened? What new evidence?" We all ask at once.

"It seems that Mrs. Lincoln recanted her story. She now says that she was so confused from the hit in the head that she believes she mistakenly took Ana leaning over her as threatening. She knows now that she was only trying to help." He smiles and pulls me into a big hug. What is that all about? We hate each other. Why change her story now? Maybe, _Christian_….but no. It can't be. He walked away.

I hug everyone and suggest going out for breakfast, my treat. I don't know if it is adrenaline or pregnancy hormones but I am starving. Elliott and Kate love the idea. We need to catch up. Carrick excuses himself. He says he needs to update Christian and then inform Grace of all this morning's happenings. I kiss him goodbye and thank him for being here. I like that Christian wants an update but I would have loved it if he had actually been here. Maybe it's just his guilt keeping him away because the fight with Elena was about him.

**Carrick's POV**

Well, that was certainly interesting. In the last few hours I have found out that my Son is going to be a Father, I am going to be a Granddaddy and that the Mother of said Grandbaby has done what I have only dreamed of doing for years. Elena "Fucking" Lincoln has finally gotten the beating she deserves. I have never liked that women. Nor have I ever seen what Grace sees in her. Ana wouldn't tell me the details of the fight but I am too sure that my dear boy, Christian knows _exactly_ what this is about. I am so disappointed in him. I never thought I could be more disappointed in him than I was when he dropped out of Harvard but I was wrong. I know he is scared and was taken by surprise but that is no excuse to abandon your family like that. He of all people knows what it is like to start out life with no father. I have been trying to call Grace and tell her the good news about Ana and the baby but her phone keeps going to voicemail. She probably finished checking on Elena and then rounded on her other patients. That's my wife, always doing something for the greater good.

I enter Christian's apartment and find him sulking in his office. He raises his hand and motions for me to give him a minute. He is on the phone with Flynn, good boy, he's going to need all the help he can get.

"Dad! What happened? Did you get her out of there? Are her and the baby safe?" At least he inquired about the child. Maybe there is hope for him yet.

"Yes, Christian, they are safe but it has nothing to do with me. She had her own Attorney. They dismissed all charges against her and released her about an hour ago. She went out for breakfast with Kate, Elliott and her friend, Michael. Truth be told she had so many people there supporting her, I wouldn't be surprised if whatever restaurant they go to has to close just to accommodate them. It would have been nice if _you_ had also been there to support her." I dig into him. I will not let it slide that he left her there like that.

"Michael? Who the fuck is Michael? I told _you_ to handle this Dad not some fucking dumb shit Lawyer that she probably found in the fucking yellow pages. It's a miracle she's not in jail." He runs his hands through his hair and starts to pace.

"Now you wait just one fucking minute there! Don't you dare put this on me._ I_ was there for her. Elliott, Kate and Michael were all there for her! Where the fuck were you? You walked out and left the pregnant love of your life to fend for herself." I roar at him. Fucking insolent piece of shit.

"I was trying to get Elena to drop the charges and I asked you a question? Who the fuck is Michael?" He says adjusting his tone ever so slightly.

"Michael Banner. He is her Attorney, Business partner and friend. Or at least that is the way she introduced him. Who gives a shit? What does it matter who he is? And what the fuck is going on with Elena Lincoln. Now I'm not saying the Bitch didn't get what was coming to her but Ana is not one to just attack someone out of the blue. The only thing I know for a fact is that she is passionate about is _YOU!_ This leads me to believe that this all must have something to do with _YOU! _So are you going to tell me what is going on?" I am getting frustrated. I may just beat the shit out of him for good measure.

"Banner? Banner? Why do I know that name? I have come across it before." He is rummaging through a stack of papers on his desk. "Oh, sweet Mary, Mother of God! That's IT! I've finally found the connection. Banner is Stephen Morton's ex-wife's maiden name. He is Michael Morton. He is Ana's step brother. That is who has been hiding her this whole time." He says more to himself than to me.

"Oh, thank Christ for that. I thought they looked a little cozy. I was worried that while you were here ruining the best thing that ever happened to you, he was using it to get closer to Ana and the baby. Is that what you want, Christian? Your child calling some other man Daddy because that is exactly what is going to happen if you don't wake up. Ana is a beautiful, kind, loving woman. There are all too many men that will be willing to step up and take your place if you give them the chance." I tell him honestly.

"No, of course that is not what I want but what kind of Father can I really be, Dad? I am fucked up beyond belief. I swear one day soon I will tell you all about the fucked up situation with Elena. Just not right now, ok. Right now I need to get my shit together and see if I can really give Anastasia and my b-b-baby what they really deserve." He sighs and runs his fingers through his hair again.

"Ok, Son, just don't take too long. I'm going to go find your Mother. She hasn't been picking up her phone and I want to tell her what's been going on. I love you, Christian. Don't fuck this up." I shake his hand and walk out the door. We have never been overly affectionate so it is harder to show him that I am really there for him.

**Taylor's POV**

This stupid fuck has done it again. Everything that he has gone through for her in the past 4 months, the searching, dismantling the playroom, walking around here like his hearts been ripped out. Finally he gets a chance to be with her and this is what he pulls. Maybe I should have paid more attention to knocking some sense into his head they last time I beat the fuck out of him.

I see Mr. Grey to the door and head back to the Boss' office. It's about time we had a little chat about what it means to be a man.

"Sir, I know I am overstepping my bounds but once upon a time you called me your friend so if I may speak freely?" I walk into the office and close the door behind me.

"You may, what's on your mind, Taylor?" He motions to me to take the seat across from him.

I sit and lean over resting my elbows on my knees. "Would you like to tell me what is wrong with you? You've been searching for her for months. Now you get your chance to be with her and you walk away. Is she with someone else? There must be _something_ I'm missing." I haven't seen Ana myself but I know she's probably just as broken as he is.

"She's pregnant, Jason. She's having _my_ b-b-baby." He whispers. I think I must have heard him wrong. I almost fall out of my chair. He can't even say the word. I didn't fucking see that one coming.

"Yeah, right, I know. Me as Father! Come on, Jason. You've seen the fucked up shit that goes on around here and the fucked up shit that I have done to Ana. Does this really strike you as a place to raise a baby? Can you really see my _Son_ coming to me for advice on girls and shit? He deserves so much better and so does Ana." He must have noticed my surprise. I won't point out to him that it very well may be a girl. I don't think he can handle that right now.

"Wow, a Dad, huh. Well, Congratulations. No one thinks they are going to be a good enough father, Christian. Whether you are ready for it or not that is exactly what you'll be soon enough. Do you really want to look back years from now and regret not being part of your child or Ana's lives? Your family and I will support you through this as I am sure Ana will. You'll see once you lock eyes with your kid for the first time the whole world changes. You will do anything to protect them. And there is no love like it in the world." I smile at him.

"Do you ever regret getting married and having a family? Considering how badly it turned out." He is not trying to be cruel, he really wants to know.

"No, not at all. Even though I can't stand the bitch, she is the reason I have Sophie. After everything I know I would still go back and marry her all over again just to have Sophie in my life." I answer quickly. I hope he gets my meaning.

"I'll consider everything you've said. That's the best I can do right now. I just need some time to process all of this. But right now, get back to work! I need back ground checks redone on Michael Morton and a new one on Michael Banner! It seems this is the Fucker who has been hiding my Anastasia from me. Call me when you have the information. And Taylor…..Thanks for being here." He smirks and turns his head back down to the papers in front of him. God, his control freakery knows no bounds.

* * *

So next up…..How will Carrick handle what Grace has done? How will Christian handle Michael being back in Ana's life? Will Ana let Christian come back easily or does Christian even want to come back? Oh, decisions, decisions ;-)


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

**Grace's POV**

Bellevue seems so cold right now. Carrick is still off handling Ana and Christian. He has called several times but I keep letting it go to voicemail. I haven't decided how much I am going to tell him yet. The fact that I am even considering keeping secrets from him is tearing out my heart. I know I have to tell him that Elena is dead. He will see it on the news anyway. I also know that I have to tell him about what I overheard regarding Christian. I need his wisdom. I need his support. I do not think that I will be able to look into his eyes and tell him that I ended another human being's life. He would never look at me the same again. Isn't it bad enough that I will never be able to look at my Son the same way? Every time I see him I will constantly be reminded that I am the cause of most of his pain. I thought I was saving a very damaged young boy and instead I was just feeding him to a different predator. She will never prey on anyone ever again. I made sure of that. I am not the least bit remorseful about it, in fact I would do it again in a heartbeat. Does that make me a Monster now too?

I hear Cary come in the front door. He is searching for me. I am sitting in the dark in the dining room sipping my Bailey's Coffee.

"Grace?...Grace, are you here?" He yells. "Where is she?" He whispers to himself.

"I'm in the dining room, my love!" I call back to him.

"Oh, Grace. Honey why are you sitting in the dark? I have been looking for you forever. I have news!" He says when he flicks on the light switch.

"So do I, my dear. So do I. Why don't you go first?" I give him a slight smile and pull out the chair next to me.

"Well, so much has happened in the past few hours. All the charges against Ana were dropped and I found out we are going to be Grandparents!" He is grinning at me like a loon.

"Grandparents? You mean, Ana is…..? When? How? Are they ok? Did Christian know?" I am reeling from this bit of information. She must be very far along for it to be Christian's, they haven't seen each other in months.

"Yes they are fine. She looks very health. From what I overheard I think she is just under 5 months along. As for Christian, he just found out today. He didn't handle it very well. He told her that he couldn't be a father and he walked out and left her there. I'm sorry, Grace but I told her that we would stand behind her even without Christian's involvement. I hope you agree." He looks at me sadly. He is disappointed in Christian but he doesn't know. He has no idea of the hell that boy has been through. I don't even realize that tears have started falling down my face.

"Grace, are you ok? I didn't mean to make you cry. I thought a baby would be happy news. Don't worry about Christian hopefully he'll get his act together soon." He rubs my hand affectionately. I have no idea how to begin to tell him that I don't know how Christian will ever be _ok_.

"Elena is dead, Cary." I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. That was easier than I thought.

"Oh, Gracie. No wonder you are so upset. I'm sorry I didn't know. I would have told you about the baby later if I had. What happened? It wasn't Ana's beating was it?" He asks nervously.

"No, Ana is in the clear. They are calling it a heart attack." It isn't really a lie. I never lie to Carrick and I never keep secrets. Well, that is until now anyway. This is so bad. I take a deep breath before continuing.

"I am very happy about the baby. My mind is just elsewhere. I am not upset at all about her death, Cary. I have something I need to tell you. But you must promise to listen to everything before speaking. If you interrupt I probably won't be able to finish." I look up at him expectantly. He eyes me warily but nods for me to continue.

"I went to the Hospital this morning to check on Elena but when I got there I was shocked to hear her and Christian fighting. I never let them know I was there. I just listened outside the door and then hid when Christian left. Our son is damaged. Damaged beyond my wildest dreams and it is all _MY_ fault. I gave Elena information about Christian when he was growing up. Personal information, like his fear of being touched, his self-loathing and his inability to accept love, and she turned around and used that information to brutalize our son. She started sexually abusing him at age fifteen. She would whip and beat him during sex and in turn taught him how to act in kind. The incident with Ana was not an isolated incident it seems. He has always beaten his partners and from what I heard there have been a few. God, Cary, no wonder he thinks he can't be a parent. I didn't protect him, his birth mother didn't protect him. I'm just as bad as she was. She fed him to her Pimp and I fed him to a fucking sadistic Pedophile." I'm sobbing into my hands and he is just sitting there shell shocked.

"I need a drink. Does he know you know? Do you know how long this went on for? I always knew there was something off about her but this goes beyond anything I could have imagined." He says walking over to the bar and pouring himself a drink.

"He never saw me there so he doesn't know about me finding out. I have no idea how long but I would say it was a while considering she knew all about his current sex life. My GOD! Do you think Ana found out and that is what made her attack Elena?" I am in awe of her if she did. She figured it out after only a few months with my son and I lived with him most of his life and couldn't see what was happening right under my nose.

"I would say that is a good possibility. I knew Ana would only be so vehemently protective of Christian so it had to have something to do with him. New grandbabies, abused sons, arrested ex-girlfriends, dead pedophiles. Jeez, I'm suddenly friggin exhausted. I am going to bed. We will figure out what to do about Christian later." He turns and leaves me standing alone in his wake. He never touched me or hugged me. I knew he would never look at me the same.

"Cary, do you mind if I come?" I whisper sadly.

"Of course not. Why would you even…..Oh, Grace come here. I never meant…let's go cuddle." He brings me into a strong embrace and kisses me on my head. He is right everything is suddenly so exhausting. But as long as he is still hugging me everything will be alright.

**Chrisitan's POV**

John is on his way for yet another emergency meeting. He has been here for quite a few since Ana walked out on me. Trying to control my rage and frustration without a violent physical outlet has proven very difficult for me. I still beat on Claude from time to time but we have moved away from the sparring and toward more strenuous "non-violent" activities. Since the thought of fucking anyone but Anastasia is completely disgusting to me, taking on a new Sub was out of the question. But bending Anastasia over and spanking the fucking hell out of her then pounding into her full force to punish her for leaving me is never far from my mind. Oh, the things I would like to do to her are awful and delicious at the same time. But that is out of the question now too. I can't really punishment fuck a pregnant woman, now can I. Can I even fuck a pregnant woman at all? Won't I hurt the thing? Ah, this is driving me crazy. John's arrival pulls me out of my dark thoughts.

"Christian, these meeting are becoming something of an unsavory habit. I think this is the third in the past two weeks. _Now_ what's going on?" He walks in and smiles at me.

"Not to worry, John. They are the reason why you are better dressed and live in a nicer house than most. If the work load is too much for you, I could always…" I let my words trail off. I'm just joking of course but I still like to fuck with _his _mind sometimes. It's only fair.

"I am perfectly fine with the work load, thank you very much. Anyways, I like my house. What can I do for you this morning?" He smirks at me. He knows I was just fucking with him.

"You are going to have to sit down for this one. It's a doozy." I point at the chair and he takes a seat. "Anastasia is pregnant." I state a lot more calmly than I feel.

"Oh, Christian. I am sorry. We both knew that she might move on in her absence…" I hold up my hand to stop him.

"No, John. She is almost 5 _months_ pregnant." I tell him and give him an "_are you getting it now" _look.

"Oh? OH, the baby is yours. You are going to be a father. Well, yes, now I see how that might throw someone for a loop. You just found this out, I am assuming." He is stumbling over his words. A babbling Flynn is quite a sight.

"Yes, just before I called you. Anastasia had been arrested for beating Elena half to death and when I went to the Police station that is when I found out." His jaw is on the floor. I think I just lost "cool, calm, collected, Dr. Flynn."

"Jesus Christ, Christian. Ana was arrested for beating up Elena and she is having your baby? Is there anything _ELSE_ you need to disclose before we start? You've had quite a night, haven't you?" I love it. He is flabbergasted.

"I think that about covers it. Wait, her dumb shit Step Brother is back in the picture and I don't trust his stupid ass for one minute. Now that's it for the moment, I think." I smile back at him. It's not every day I get to shock Flynn.

"I'm not touching that one with a ten foot pole right now. I think we have enough to discuss with regards to how you are feeling about Ana's assault on Elena and the baby. Let's start with finding Ana arrested, shall we?" He picks up his pen and notebook trying to compose himself.

"I really don't know how I feel about that. Elena was sending Ana pictures of us in compromising positions on a daily basis so I'm kind of shocked that it took so long for Ana to snap. But I'm still very pissed that she ran instead of coming to me with the problem. We could have handled it together instead of wasting 4 months apart. She never even gave me an option." I lean back in my chair and attack my hair again.

"I assume, and stop me if I'm wrong, that since you are not really upset about her beating on Elena that the real reason you are sitting here with me and not with her has something to do with her pregnancy? That being the case, if she had told you about Elena and you had found out about the baby together would you still have left the way you did now? Maybe she was just saving herself from you leaving anyway." I hate it when he does that. When I want to blame someone else he always turns it back on me.

"We will never know now, will we? She took that option away from me. I was so surprised but I guess she is probably right. I would have left anyway. I can't be a father, John. What kind of chance does my son have with someone as fucked up as me as his Dad? I love them so much but I don't want to damage them anymore than I already have." I sigh. I really do want to go find her and tell her everything will be ok but I can't.

"Aa-Ha! Did you hear yourself? You didn't say "I love _her_ so much" you said _them_. You are already starting to accept this new situation and it has only been a few hours. You will be a wonderful father. You are going in with a very unique perspective. You know what it is like to be hungry, neglected, abused and unloved. You can make absolutely sure your child never goes through any of that. But you can't do that if you aren't there. By the way, it may be a girl, you know." He snickers at me. A girl? Oh, God, please help me.

"I don't know, John. I'm so afraid of hurting them. What about when _he_ does something to piss me off and I lose my temper? I don't even want to discuss the chance that it might be a girl and she'll have all these little fuckers trying to get into her panties one day. If she looks anything like Ana, I'm fucked!"

"See, you're still doing it. You're talking like you are going to be there. I think subconsciously you already know what you want. It is completely natural to be afraid. Especially, with your history but I really don't think you could hurt a child if your life depended on it. Go ahead, try and think about hurting any child not even your own." He gives me a knowing look.

"Of course I can't imagine hurting a child. 4 ½ months ago I would have told you I could never hurt Ana either and look how that turned out. That is when it happened you know, that night in the alley when I hurt her so badly. This is what I am talking about. I've already given it a violent start to life. How can I possibly be any good for them. Nothing I ever do is good for her. I was not tender and loving when I took her virginity, I was not tender and loving when I got her pregnant. Shit in the three months we were together before she left I don't think I was anything but violent with her." I run my hands through my hair and look at him sadly.

"Now I think you are being a little hard on yourself and just looking for excuses. Ana liked and accepted the kink in your relationship. I find it hard to believe that she would characterize it all as violent. You told me yourself that you had finally made love to Ana and that it was wonderful." He states matter of factly.

"Yeah, we did and I must have fucked that one up royally too. She ran out after. That was the last time I saw her until today. And don't give me the bullshit about her leaving because of my reaction to the baby because there is no way she could have known about it then." I sneer at him. I am about to dig in to him when Taylor opens the door looking like he's seen a ghost.

"Sir, I am terribly sorry to interrupt but there is something on the TV that you both really need to see." He says waving us toward the great room. He is lucky I am in an accommodating mood right now or the interruption would really piss me off.

"We just recorded this off the news a minute ago." He points the remote at the TV and a news clip starts to play.

_"Seattle Socialite Elena Lincoln has died. The cause of death has not yet been confirmed but we have found out that Mrs. Lincoln was being treated at Seattle Grace Hospital after a bar brawl earlier this morning. Sources close to the Next of Kin say that there will be no Memorial Service. We will update you with more information as the story breaks…"_ Taylor turns the Newscast off. I am shocked. I don't know what to say. All I can think of is Ana.

"Taylor, please get my father on the phone and make sure that Ana can't be charged with anything. Make sure her and her Lawyer know about this. Then I want you to find out who in the Hospital is leaking info to the press about Elena's injuries and who the Next of Kin is. I would have thought she had me listed as Next of Kin and I definitely wasn't contacted about her death never mind any Memorial Service." I say in almost a whisper. I still cannot believe my ears. Can she really be gone?

I look back and forth silently between Flynn and Taylor. I know they are waiting for a reaction from me. I just shrug at them. I have no idea how to cope with this. I'm not sad or angry or hurt by it. I'm just shocked. Taylor nods and leaves. Flynn calls his office and tells them to cancel all his morning appointments. Shit!

* * *

A/N – I'm terribly sorry about the delay and if I missed responding to anyone's review of the last chapter. I have not been notified of any reviews, PMs or alerts to the stories I follow. I thought I posted this chapter on Friday and just found out now that it never went up. I am not really happy with how it turned out but I had food poisoning and was sick for days. I'm going to try to post a short Christian/Ana chapter tomorrow. Please bear with me. I'll get back on track soon :-)


	19. Chapter 19

8am – Taylor, Christian and Flynn find out about Elena. Taylor calls Carrick. 8am is where this chapter starts.

**Chapter 19**

**Ana's POV**

This is the life. Scanning the Diner, I see nothing but the faces of Family. They are not blood relatives but they are my family all the same. Kate and Elliott are the only people here that are not connected to me in some way from childhood. Everyone else who is here has been in my life for what seems like forever. I cannot even remember a time when they were not there. We all are fiercely loyal to each other. This morning is a perfect example. Michael only put out the call that there was trouble at 4am but yet by 6 they had all left everything they were doing and came to that arraignment to support me. I am told that it is not normal for childhood friends to still be so protective of each other years later. I guess it has to do with the fact that most of us only had each other growing up. Our parents were useless or not there at all, so we all looked out for one another the best we could. The behavior must have stuck since I am now sitting in The Dale Diner with 15 of my closest friends in the world.

Ray is not here but that is not surprising. Me and Michael do not discuss my Mother's other husbands so he would not have thought to contact him. I miss Mia, Grace and Carrick but at least I know that they will be in my baby's life so he or she will have a proper family. This little one will have only 1 actual blood relative involved, maybe 2 if Christian decides to have anything to do with us. My mother doesn't count. She was only an egg donor and I couldn't even tell you if she is still alive or not. But that doesn't matter, me and my posse here, and Christian and his family, have proven quite effectively that DNA isn't always the most important thing . It is the bonds you form with people that make you strong.

The ticker on the TV catches my attention. _Socialite Elena Lincoln dies after bar brawl… _is scrolling across the bottom of the screen.

"_MICHAEL!"_ I scream while pointing at the TV. The entire Diner turns to look at my now pale face.

"What? What is it Ana?" He runs over to me from where he was sitting at the counter.

"LLL…oooo…oo….kkkk! I'm going to go to jail for the rest of my life now, aren't I?" I sputter out. Kate has now realized what has me so upset and has leaned over to grab my hand.

"Calm down, Ana. I don't believe this will affect you in any way considering she had already recanted and you were already released but let me make a quick phone call and straighten this out." His phone startles us when it starts to ring at that precise moment.

"Michael Banner, here…..Yes, I see. We just saw it on the news…That was very nice of you. I will be making my own inquiry now….Ok, Goodbye." He hangs up and almost breaks out into a fit of laughter, shaking his head.

"Well, Ana. It seems that Granddaddy Grey has seen the News too. He already called the Prosecutor and threw his mighty weight around to make sure new charges would not be filed against you. I, of course, told him I'd be making my own phone call but for now it seems like she is really gone and there isn't a damn thing they can do about it." He smiles at me and kisses my forehead. Elliot is sitting across from me with a shit eating grin on his face and Kate looks like the cat who ate the canary.

Could this be true? No more running. No more hiding. No more secrets. Oh God, it's finally over!

**Christian's POV**

Blah! Blah! Blah! Enough already! No, I don't care that Elena is dead. Yes, I do love Ana and the bbbbaby. Damn, I'm going to have to get use to saying that if I'm going to go get her and make them mine again. "_Them"_, so much promise in one little word. I can't believe it feels so right to say it. I never wanted children. Hell, I didn't even really comprehend how much I wanted Ana until she was gone. Flynn has been here for hours. I just want him to leave already. I am so fucking sick of talking about my "feelings" it's ridiculous.

"John, I really think I've had enough for today. I've admitted that I want to be with Ana and the B-baby. I know it's going to take some work but I'm exhausted. You want me to admit that I am upset about Elena but I'm not going to lie to you just to tell you what you think I should feel. I can't find a bit of sadness in me at all over her death. I am a little curious as to why she would have left Linc as her Next of Kin. He is the only one I can think of, other than Ana, that hated her so much they wouldn't even give her a Memorial Service." I tell him and blatantly glare at my watch.

"Ok, Christian. I get the point. You can stop giving your watch a death glare. I am not trying to put words or feelings into your mouth. I'm just a little surprised by the lack of feeling you are showing over the loss of Elena. She has always played such a big role in your life and until very recently you were very reluctant to let her go. But I'll leave and let you get some rest. I think honesty would be the way to go with Ana. I don't know what way would be the best to approach her but whatever you do, do it soon. 4 months is a long enough time apart." He studies me for a second more before standing to leave.

"Elena and me….That was not true feeling, John. That was dependency. I was dependant on her for so many aspects of my life and I never even realized it. Once that dependency was gone so was any emotion I may have thought I felt for her. As for Ana, you should know by now. I never do anything slowly." I laugh and shake his hand. He chuckles back and leaves finally.

After Flynn leaves, I try my best to get some sleep but I keep having strange dreams. I am dreaming that I am sitting on a park bench by myself watching the children play on the swings. A little girl walks up and sits next to me. She has Ana's features but my hair and eyes. I know immediately that she is ours.

_Mister, are you my Daddy?_

Yes, baby. I believe I am.

_I ruined your lives, didn't I? I am the reason you left and she never smiles anymore._

Before I can catch her and respond, I wake up in a cold sweat with tears running down my cheeks. I was fucking crying in my sleep. That was how I always felt about the crack whore. I ruined her life, I am the reason why she is dead. I never want my child to feel that way. I know what I need and I know who I need to call to help me out. I grab the phone and hope to God that he doesn't hand up on me.

"El, please just listen to me. Don't hang up, ok." I plead with him.

"Christian, what do you want? This really isn't a good time." He is very curt which is not like him. I know he is mad as hell at me.

"Please, Elliott. I need your help. I am no good at this love shit. I need Ana like I need air to breathe. I want us to be a family and not be apart anymore. I know it's a lot to ask but I don't know what to do. I don't know how to make her understand." If I wasn't holding the phone I'd be curled up in the fetal position struggling to breathe right now. As it is, it is taking all my control to keep my voice from cracking.

"I don't know, Christian. The last time I got involved in you and Ana's shit didn't work out too well for any of us. In fact make that the last 2 times I got involved. And leaving her in a fucking jail like that, well, Bro, I really don't know how you can come back from that." He still has a tinge of anger in his voice. I can't say I blame him.

"That's ok, El. I understand. Thanks anyway." My voice betrays me and cracks as I try to hang up.

"Shit, are you fucking crying? Damn it! Don't fucking put me in this position. FINE! I'll fucking help but don't come blaming me when this shit blows up in your face and you better kiss Kate's ass when you see her. I think she is going to be a bigger obstacle than Ana." He says clearly flustered.

"Thanks, Lelliott! I fucking love you, Bro!" I sob/laugh into the phone.

"Love me? Hell, I love you too but who the fuck are you and what have you done with my real Brother?" He chuckles.

"My life is in the toilet and you're searching for a dick?" I can be funny too some times.

"Whoa. I don't bend for a friend, little bro. That's your swing not mine. Well, I guess not anymore though, huh. Once you taste the pussy you'll never be a wussy, and all that shit right. Hehehe" We are both laughing our asses off now.

"Fuck off! Now shut the fuck up and tell me what I have to do to get Ana and my baby back!" If I don't end this now, we will be here all day.

"Awe, Daddy finally wants to step up and be a man. Ok but no fucking going in there guns blazing, dictating what _you_ want and what _you _need. This has to be all about her and what you can do to make up for being such a dickhead. Can you handle that?" He asks, probably not really expecting that I can.

"Yep, I'll do anything just tell me how to get to her." I don't know if she'll see me after this morning but I damn well know she'll see him.

"Here's what we'll do then. She is having a closed party at her Club tonight. No one who is not on the guest list will be allowed in but maybe if_ I_ bring you I can get her to agree to let you in. Bring flowers or something. Nothing extravagant, you know how Ana hates gifts. Just promise me one thing before you do this. This has to be all in, forever, Christian. If you can't give her that then leave her alone." He sighs.

"Ana is my forever, Elliott. I'm not going anywhere." I tell him confidently. There is a few seconds of silence before he speaks again.

"Hey, Christian, I am sorry about Elena. I know she was you're friend." He says sadly.

"No you're not. But that's ok, I'm fine. We haven't been close for a while. It's Mom I am really worried about. Elena was her best friend. I tried to call a few times but just get her voicemail. I guess as long as she has Dad there she'll be ok." We talk a little more about how Kate is going to fuck him up for helping me and then hang up.

It is 9pm by the time we pull up to "The Blue Moose". I am wearing tight black jeans with a tight black t-shirt and black sneakers. It's Ana's favorite outfit. She says it makes me look young and hot and makes my hair look like its on fire. I am holding a big bouquet of flowers and a pregnant teddy bear that is holding a book. I feel like a dick.

Elliott laughs and nudges me closer to the door. My stomach is doing flips and I am sweating. I want so badly to turn on my dominant CEO persona to get me through this but Elliott says he's an asshole and won't win me any points with Ana. "Just be yourself" he says. That's easy for him. How can I be myself when I don't even know what that means? If I'm not the powerful, dominant CEO, then who the fuck am I, anyway? Luckily for me, I am already buzzed from the half bottle of Jack Daniels it took to just get me into the car.

Elliott walks over to the bouncer to try and get me in. "Hey, Jason, where's Mark?" Elliott asks him while shaking his hand.

"Ana wanted him and Jen to be part of the party, so I have the door tonight." He smiles at Elliott and scowls at me.

"Great, this is my brother, Christian. I was wondering if…." The bouncer cuts him off and I think this is going to be bad for me.

"No worries, El. He's already on the list. Ana added him just in case. She said it was to be sure there wouldn't be a scene but I think she was secretly hoping he'd show up." He unhooks the rope and steps aside so we can go in. He doesn't question Taylor being with us. What the fuck is that about?

"Well, Bro, you just got a big fucking opening. She obviously wants you here. So don't fuck this up." He smirks at me and walks over to the bar.

Ana has the place set up differently tonight. There is still a DJ but there are more tables and a huge buffet area set up across the back wall. Both the upstairs and downstairs areas are closed off. I grab an empty table in the corner to drop her stuff off at and scan the place for her. For a private party, she certainly has a good amount of people here. I don't see her here yet but I know she must be around somewhere. I see Kate approach Elliott at the bar and out of the corner of my eye see Michael Banner making his way over to me. I recognize him from the pictures in his background check.

"Well, if it isn't Christian Grey." He spits at me without offering me his hand.

"Michael Banner, I presume?" I act like I don't know who he is. I notice Taylor move a little closer to me.

"Cut the shit, Grey. You know exactly who the fuck I am. I don't understand why Ana felt the need to allow you in here but I am telling you now. You hurt her in any way and there is more than one fucker in here that would just love to wipe the street with your dumb ass." He whispers menacingly at me.

"You are right. I do know exactly who _you _are. It seems we have all made some mistakes where Ana is concerned. I'm here to start making up for mine. How about you?" I whisper back to him. Elliott has finally returned with our drinks. I am standing with Elliott on one side of me and Taylor on the other. He is clearly outmatched but it doesn't seem to faze him.

"Hey, Mike, what's up?" Elliott says trying to break the palpable tension running through us.

"Hey, El, nice to see you here Ana will be thrilled. You gentlemen have a good evening." His eye is twitching in anger but he smiles and backs away. I am going to have to have a discussion with Ana about keeping that man around her and our kid.

"I see you met Ana's friend, Michael. Don't worry about him, they are all just really protective of each other around here. They all noticed you weren't there this morning so I don't think you'll be getting too many friendly gestures tonight." Elliott tells me as if I give a fuck what these people think of me.

"Elliott, there is only one person in this place that I want a friendly reaction from and I don't see her yet. Did Kate say where she was?" I ask hopefully.

"Kate said we should get some food and relax. Ana has been running around taking care of everyone so she took a break for a minute. She is sure she'll be back soon. Mom and Dad were invited but I don't know if Mom is up to it because of the whole Elena ordeal. Oh, and let me warn you, Mia and Ethan are here and she is madder than hell." He has the nerve to giggle about that one. A mad Mia is definitely something you need to watch out for.

"Ok, Taylor, Elliott, you two go and get something to eat. I don't think my stomach could handle it right now. I'll get something later. Don't look at me like that. I'll still be here when you get back. And I'll have another round waiting for you too." I smile and wave them away. We catch Mia stomping over from the other direction and that is all the convincing they need to high tail it out of there. Punks.

"Christian Grey! If I wasssnn't your sssisster and I didn't know how much you hate to be touched, I would smack the shit out of yoouu right now!" She slurs at me. It seems I'm not the only one getting plastered tonight.

"Mia, I know I fucked up. Please don't be mad at me. I'm here to try and fix it." I point to the gifts on the table and give her my saddest puppy dog eyes. Mia can never stay mad at anyone so distracting her should be easy.

"I don't know, Chrrrisstian….I don't want to stay mad at yooouuu but reallllyyy deserve it thhisshh time." Ethan comes over and hugs her from behind. The fight has all gone out of her.

"I know! I know and you're drunk. Didn't you eat anything? How's it going Ethan? How about getting her to slow down a bit?" I smile at Ethan. I don't know how he'll react to me being as Ana is just as much a part of his family as he is.

"I've tried. She was very pissed." He sighs and half smiles back at me. It's not much but at least he didn't yell at me too.

It seems like hours since we first got here but Ana hasn't come out of hiding yet. We have got a good table going here. Mia, Ethan and Kate all moved and sat with us and we all have got a nice load on now. Amazingly they have all pretty much taken me back into their circle. Even Kate is being nice. People have started dancing and we are all laughing like idiots. I get up and stumble along the way, getting howls of laughter for my efforts. Even Taylor is chuckling at the sight of me. It is strange to have him actually hanging out with me, more like a friend than a bodyguard.

"ssshhhh, stop lauughhing at me. Hehehehe. Where is thisss stinking DJ? I am gonna go sing for my bbbabbyyy!" I try to stand up straight but double over because I am laughing so hard. Wow, I'm drunk!

**Ana's POV**

He came! He actually came here for me. They all told me not to get my hopes up but I just couldn't believe that we were really over yet. Damn, he looks so fucking hot. He did that on purpose. He knows how much I love when he wears anything tight. I am not even that close to him and a can see his muscles moving beneath his clothes. I want to jump him so bad right now but I know we have to talk and I just don't know what to say to him. I have been lurking in the darkness for what seems like hours. Kate has been sneaking away to come tell me what is going on and try to get me to join them. For right now it is enough to just watch him laughing, drinking and having a good time with his family. He very rarely lets loose like this. Michael is mad as hell but he is going to have to understand, I love him but Christian is my whole world. Even when we weren't together, everything I did had something to do with him. I've talked to Mark, Jen, Sharon, Donny and John and they are all willing to bury the hatchet. As long as I'm happy they will be happy too. I'm not saying that we'll all wake up tomorrow and Christian will be their best friend but not killing him is a start.

I am watching from the shadows and I see Christian stumble over to Donny. At first Donny just stares at him but then he laughs, shakes his head and hands Christian the Mic. Aw, hell what is this happy horse shit?

"Hheeellloooo? Is this thing on?" He taps the mic and continues. "Many of you know me as the Dick that broke Ana's heart… But that beautiful lady is the best thing that hasss ever happened to me and she is going to make me a Daddy soon. I can't say hoooww ssoooorrryyy I am or how muchhh I fucking love you enough, Ana. So thhiissss song is for you Baby!" Everyone gasps as he lurches forward but catches himself and props his back up against the wall to keep his balance.

Kate comes over to where I am standing and puts her arms around my shoulders. "See Steele, patience is a virtue. He's not my favorite person in the world but I told you he loves you and would get that stuffy rich head out of his ass soon enough." She giggles.

"Shut up, Kavanaugh. I can't hear!" I bump her with my shoulder and the silly drunk bitch almost falls over.

"So faarrr away…so far away for faaarrr too long.." He starts singing softly. Even drunk as a skunk he's got a beautiful voice. He seems happy that he can do it with minimal slurring and continues.

* * *

So far away  
This time, this place

Misused, mistakes

Too long, too late

Who was I to make you wait?  
Just one chance, just one breath

Just in case there's just one left'

Cause you know,

You know, you know

That I love you,

I have loved you all along

And I miss you,

been far away for far too long

I keep dreaming you'll be with me

and you'll never go

Stop breathing if I don't see you anymore

One my knees, I'll ask

Last chance for one last dance

'Cause with you I'd withstand

All of hell to hold your hand  
I'd give it all, I'd give for us

Give anything but I won't give up

'Cause you know

You know, you know

That I love you, I have loved you all along

And I miss you, been far away for far too long

I keep dreaming you'll be with me and you'll never go

Stop breathing if I don't see you anymore

So far away, been far away for far too long

So far away, been far away for far too long

But you know

You know, you know

I wanted

I wanted you to stay

'Cause I needed

I need to hear you say

I love you, I have loved you all along

And I forgive you for being away for far too long

So keep breathing 'cause I'm not leaving you anymore

Believe it, hold on to me, never let me go

* * *

He's on the last chorus when I finally walk over to him. Tears are streaming down my face but for the first time in months they are happy tears. We always did express our feelings better through music.

"I do forgive you, baby. I love you, Christian." I pull him into my arms and crush my lips to his. I needed this kiss so badly.

"Ana, you're here. I need you, Ana. You and the baby. Please don't run away again." He smiles at me. He goes to give me a hug but sways and loses his balance. Down he goes, straight on his face. He is out like a light.

Michael comes from one direction while Taylor and Elliott come from the other. I am kneeling next to Christian running my fingers through his hair.

"Oh, Christian, what am I going to do with you." I whisper to him. "Ok, let's get him out of here." I say to no one specific. Michael moves to help get him up but Taylor stops him.

"DO _NOT_ TOUCH HIM!I'll carry him out and Sawyer will drive us home. Everyone else here has been drinking." He states firmly, while leaning over Christian protectively. I don't get why he is being so harsh but it pisses me off.

"Listen, I don't know what is going on between all of you but it better stop now. I will not go to Escala, Taylor so either you help me get him back to my place or when he wakes up you can explain to him why he is _alone_." He actually looks like he is weighing his options before he gives in.

"Fine, Ana. We'll take him to your house but absolutely no one except me or you is to touch him. OK! Your car or ours?" He shifts his glare between me and Michael.

"Mine. You can put him in the back then follow us with Sawyer." I move out of the way so he can pick Christian up. Michael looks absolutely mortified that I am about to show them where I live after keeping it secret for so long.

"It's ok, Mikey. Please thank everyone for coming for me. I'll call you later." I kiss him goodnight and he smirks at me. I haven't called him "Mikey" in years.

I walk out followed by Taylor who is carrying Christian over his shoulder. I smile when we reach my car and Taylor stops dead in his tracks. It is a fully tricked out, midnight blue 2013 Chrysler Town and Country with all the bells and whistles. Push one button and the doors open for you. Push another and the seats fold down or come up for you. It also has an alarm, navigation, satellite tv and radio, dvd system, backup camera, roof rack and dropped chrome baseboards. I push the appropriate buttons so that Taylor can lay Christian across the third row bench seat. He puts him down and laughs rubbing the back of his neck while taking in my car.

"Well, that is about as far from an Audi as you can get, isn't it." He laughs.

"Yep, I may have to be a Minivan Mom now but I can still keep some of my spunk. Besides, Christian is going to _hate_ it. Follow me, Taylor. If you can!" I laugh and get in the car being sure to rev the engine. What I failed to mention to Taylor is that I had the engine upgraded too. This puppy has a twin turbocharged V8 engine. It goes 0-60 in less than 5 seconds. Let's see if this fucker can keep up.

* * *

A/N – Hey there everybody. Thanks for all the reviews and PMs. I am much better now. For all of you on Facebook, I have posted pictures of the bear Christian brought for Ana and her car. My name is DOV NJ for anyone looking for them.

I had the extreme pleasure this week of meeting one of the other authors from Fanfiction. BannersandMash is even lovelier in person then she is online. I could have stayed chatting with her for days and still not gotten bored. If you get a chance please check out her stories (Silver & Steele, Storms of Greystein and Secret Scribbler Steele). They are much different than this one and worth every minute you give them. I know Wattle already mentioned her in her story but she deserves it. Love ya, Banny Baby!


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20**

**Ana's POV**

Taylor was none too happy about my little stunt of leaving him in the dust but shit it was fun. I had to call him to give him my address. I wouldn't have called him at all except for the fact that I can't very well carry Christian myself. I have them put Christian on the bed in my room. It has the best view and an ensuite which I know that he will need in the morning. He drank an entire bottle of Jack Daniels on an empty stomach and I am not able to rouse him enough to drink any water or Motrin. His hangover is going to be wicked. I walk Taylor and Sawyer to the door and Taylor stops me.

"I can stay in one of the guest rooms, that way someone will be here when he is ready to go home." He says refusing to leave. For some reason I get the impression they don't trust me with him.

"Taylor, do you think I am going to hurt him or something? I can't really run from my own home. Besides, with the hangover he is going to have, he won't be ready to go for quite some time and we really need to talk." I tell him with my hand on his back leading him out the door.

He just glares at me and tuts, whispering as he turns to walk away. "You didn't see him." Then louder, "come on Luke, let's go". He walks away and gets in the car never turning around to look at me. Sawyer is the one giving me the death stare as they pull away. Our "situation" must have hurt Christian more than I realized for them to be acting this way toward me.

I lock the door and go back up to my bedroom. Even drooling and snoring he is a sight to behold. I had pulled down the blankets before they had laid him in bed but they didn't undress him. So do I just pull the covers over him or do I try to undress him myself? Well, I guess I can leave his t-shirt on but the shoes, socks and jeans are going to have to go. Sleeping in tight jeans just seems too uncomfortable. I remove his shoes and socks easily. He doesn't stir even a bit. Next, I move to his belt buckle. Slowly, I unbuckle his belt and unzip his jeans, still no response from him. I slip my hands into his waistband and gentle start to tug the jeans down off of his delicious ass. He is wearing tight black Calvin Klein boxer briefs. His bulge is very evident even though he's not aroused. Damn, he's yummy. I almost have them passed his rear end when he lifts the lower half of his body off the bed with the heels of his feet. He grabs the pillow with both hands and bits his lip, moaning "mmmm, Anastasia". That's it, I'm caught but then I realize he is dreaming. I use the opportunity to remove his jeans the rest of the way and back away from him. Slowly he relaxes and starts snoring again. He was dreaming about me. Even sleeping this damaged man breaks my heart even more. At least it didn't sound like a nightmare.

I change into my pajamas and send a quick text to Michael and Kate saying that we are ok and that I will call them in the morning. I debate whether or not to sleep in another room but I don't want Christian to wake up in a strange place alone and I am exhausted. _Yeah, keep telling yourself that._ I thought I got rid of my Subconscious a long time ago. It seems if Christian comes back then so does she. Oh, well. I climb into bed with him and pull the covers up over us. It takes no time at all for me to give in to sleep. It feels so nice to be next to him again.

* * *

It is 1 o'clock in the afternoon and Christian is still asleep. Hopefully since he has slept so long most of the Alcohol will have already worked its way out of his system. I woke up hours ago. I have already showered, ate breakfast, called Kate, Michael and Taylor and set up Christian's morning hangover cocktail. I open up the curtains and sit in the chair opposite the bed and wait for him to wake up. This actually happens sooner than I expected, I hardly sit and he begins to stir.

"Where am I? Aw, my fucking head! What happened?" He pushes himself up on the bed and puts his hand over his eyes to shield them from the light.

"Take it easy, Christian. You are at my house. You drank way too much and are now going to have a wonderful hangover. How do you feel?" I smile at him but don't move to touch him.

"I feel like shit. My head is pounding and my stomach hurts. How did I get here?" He is looking around the room at anything but me.

"I had Taylor and Sawy…" He lifts his hand to interrupt me.

"Ana, where's the bathroom?" He asks putting his hand over his mouth. Great he's going to puke. The motion of sitting up must have set him off.

"Right here! Hurry Christian, don't puke in my bed or I'll kill you!" I run over to the bathroom door and fling it open. He runs passed me and sticks his head in the toilet.

He is gagging but I know he won't be able to get anything out but bile. He hasn't eaten anything in almost a day and he stopped drinking 12 hours ago. He stops and sits on the floor with his head leaning against the cool tile bathtub. I go get him his drink and meds and return to find him in the same position.

"Here drink this and take these now. The nausea will only be gone for so long. We need to get them into you before you get sick again." I hand him the bottle and the shot glass with the pills in it.

"Yoohoo?" He looks up at me warily.

"Yes, Yoohoo and 3 Motrin. You are going to have to trust me_. I_ am the resident recovering Alcoholic in this house and there is a reason why I haven't had a hangover since I was 13. And don't look at me like that. 3 Motrin is only equivalent to 1 extra strength pill so I'm not giving you that much." I smirk at him.

"Thank you…for taking care of me. You didn't have to." He whispers and takes the pills with the Yoohoo chaser.

"I know I didn't have to, I wanted to. You haven't eaten in a long time so if you are able to keep that down then in an hour I'll give you a large order of French fries." I giggle at him, I've never seen him eat junk food before.

"French Fries?" He looks at me like I've grown an extra head, which only makes me giggle harder.

"Christian, if you are going to drink like this then you are going to have to learn all the tricks. The grease and starch in the fries will get rid of any alcohol left in your stomach. Now do you want to stay here or do you feel good enough to make it back to the bed?" I say smiling, he is pouting at me like a little kid.

"I can sit with you, I don't need to go back to bed." He eyes me carefully.

"It is bed or here! You have to stay still so you can keep those pills down. If you don't then the headache will never go away. If it means that much to you, I will sit on the bed with you." I sigh.

"That's nice of you but I don't know how still I'll be able to keep with you in bed with me." He tries to smile but is reminded of his headache when he moves.

"Yeah, Yeah, promises, promises. Come on get up." I kneel next to him and put my arm around his back to help him up.

"I can do it. I don't want you getting hurt." He tries to stand and pull away from me at the same time.

"Fine, have it your way. Do you want to brush your teeth while your upright and in the bathroom?" I release him and take out the toothpaste and an extra toothbrush.

"That would be nice. My mouth feels like cotton and I'd like to go to the bathroom too." He gives me a shy look.

"Why you've never been shy before, Christian. I am not going to close the door fully but I will be right outside of it to give you some privacy. The cotton mouth is because you are dehydrated. I'll get you some water. Then back to bed, ok." I leave him to it. I go to get his drink and then sit back on the bed.

I hear him turn on the water and I can't help but laugh. He doesn't want me to hear him pee. This is the same man that would fuck me when I had my period and almost never left me alone in the bathroom yet he is embarrassed by peeing. How cute. About five minutes later he walks out. He was taken off his t-shirt and run water through his hair. He looks fucking edible.

"Sorry, it was sweaty." He says when he realizes his state of undress.

"That's ok, it's nothing I haven't seen before. You can take a proper shower later. Now, back to bed for at least another half hour." I pat the bed next to me for him to get in.

"You have a lovely home, Anastasia. Well, what I've seen of it anyway." He tries to make small talk as he climbs back into bed next to me.

"Yes, it is. Shut up and close your eyes. Try to stay still. When you feel better later I'll give you the grand tour." I place my hand over his eyes and close them for him. I'm leaning over him and god how I want to kiss him. He grabs my hand and kisses the back of it.

"Anastasia, I don't know what is going on here but please don't do this if you are only doing it out of pity. You scare me. I won't survive it if you leave again." He sucks in a large breath and keeps his eyes closed so I can't see the fear in them. I can see the tension in him and I now know why Taylor was so protective of him last night.

I place both hands on either side of his face and softly kiss his sweet lips. "Christian, I do not pity you. I have no intention of leaving. You have to realize that we can't just wake up this morning and be back together like nothing has ever happened. We have a lot to discuss but I would like to _try_ to get back to us. If that is what you really want." He lets out the breath he is holding like a strangled sob and nods, never opening his eyes.

I give him another 20 minutes before I speak again. I have my head resting against his shoulder. "How is your head feeling? Would you like to try and eat now?" I whisper softly just in case his head still hurts badly.

"My head is much better but I'm really not in the mood to eat yet. Thank you." He begins tracing small circles on my back. Fuck it! I know we need to talk but sex is what we do best. Talking can wait.

I slowly straddle him and put my hands in his hair, pulling back gently to expose his neck to my kisses.

"Anastasia, what are you doing? We need to talk." He places his hands on my hips and makes no move to really stop me.

"Ssshh, just feel it, Christian. We can talk later. We wouldn't get much talking done anyway if we just keep eye fucking each other." I smirk into his neck while I start grinding my hips into his rock hard erection. He digs his hands into my ass and moans. I love it when he moans.

I start the descent to my ultimate destination. I love sucking his beautiful cock. I kiss him down his chest to his hips. I go to grab his hot Calvin Kleins and he yanks me up by my hands. What the fuck?

"Don't Ana, stop!" But I won't let him stop this. This is what we need. This is how we say we will be ok. I pull out of his grasp and yank off his boxers taking him all the way into my mouth in the same action. I haven't even finished the first stroke when I notice what he was really hiding. I hollow out my cheeks and pull up off his cock with a "pop". I do not look up at him. I can feel the hot tears brewing in my eyes. He has gotten a tattoo. I run my fingers over his hip feeling that it is real. It is completely healed so I know he's had it for a while. There is a red rose ensnared in steel barbed wire. It was made to look like it is piercing his skin. Written around the rose are the words "I belong to Anastasia". If I didn't have my head in his groin or I wasn't specifically looking for it, I would have missed the last part. Running through the stem over and over again in script is the word "Grey".

"I belong to Anastasia Rose Steele?" I whisper the meaning of the tattoo finally looking up at him. I'll keep the fact that I noticed the "Grey" part to myself for right now.

**Christian's POV**

Shit! I wasn't ready to share the tat with her yet. But her fucking mouth felt like velvet. Why isn't she coming back up to face me?

"Yes, Anastasia, that is what it means. I do belong to you. The thought of ever being with anyone else makes me sick." I sigh. See I've said it, can we move on now please.

"But why? When?" She whispers running her fingers over the rose that represents her middle name.

"I got it the day after the last time you left. That night in the alley, I knew. I knew the way I had bit you that I had marked you for life. So I thought it only fair that if you were to carry my marks around forever then I should be marked by you forever too. That is why I picked a tattoo. I would have put it over my heart instead of down below but for obvious reasons I couldn't tolerate anyone touching my chest for long enough to do it." I open my eyes and look down at her. Silent tears are marring her beautiful cheeks.

What she does next shocks the shit out of me. I think she is going to sit up and we are going to talk about this when instead she licks her lips and then licks my cock like a lollipop from balls to tip. I am in such ecstasy that I have forgotten all about my headache and hungry stomach. I lay my hand on top of her hair. I am not guiding her rhythm, she does great on her own. I am holding back her hair so I can watch myself disappear into that warm wet mouth of hers. She is bobbing up and down, licking and swirling her tongue around the tip and hollowing out her cheeks as she comes up. I can feel myself start to tense and I don't want this to be over yet.

"Ana stop, I want to be inside you when I come" She smiles up at me and removes me from her mouth but continues stroking my throbbing cock.

"I'm sure you can be ready for round two soon enough" She purrs and returns to licking the pre-cum off my swollen head. She has now picked up the pace and has me moaning in pure pleasure. I can't hold off any longer. She grabs my balls in one hand and starts to hum. It is all I need to let go. I bow my back off the bed and scream her name while shooting my hot think load straight into the back of her throat. She never spills a drop. She doesn't stop stroking me either. I guess she wants me ready for round two sooner rather than later. My soldier is of course more than willing to stand at attention for her.

I pull her back up to my face and kiss her with all I have. I can taste myself on her tongue. I go to deepen the kiss even farther but she slides off the bed and stands before me. She removes her shirt and shorts and stands there in just her lacey black underwear. Even 5 months pregnant her body is perfect. My cock twitches at the sight of her and is now fully erect again. She doesn't remove her bra or panties, she just walks over and kneels beside the bed next to my head. She starts kissing me again and when she lifts up and sits on the bed she has something in her hand. I had grabbed her hair to bring her even closer but stop when I notice what she is holding. It is my black leather belt from last night. She pushes it into my other hand, buckle side up. I look down at it and then up at her in shock.

"Punish me, Christian."She says while peppering my chin with soft kisses.

"WHAT?" I growl at her. What the fuck is wrong with her?

"PUNISH! ME! For believing Elena, for leaving you, for getting knocked up when that is exactly what you were afraid of. Pick any of my stupid transgressions, just DO IT!" She growls right back.

Months of trying to remove the violence from my life for her and this is what she does. What is she thinking? I know it is wrong but god help me my cock is so hard at the thought of belting her that it is painful. "You have no idea what you are asking me to do." I mumble while I tighten my grip on her hair.

* * *

A/N – well, I never promised I would make it all hearts and flowers for them. hehehehe I will post a pic of Christian's boxers and his tattoo on FB in a little while. I want to give people a chance to read about it before I put it up.


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21**

**Christian's POV**

"You have no idea what you are asking me to do." I mumble while I tighten my grip on her hair.

"I know exactly what I am asking you to do, _Sir. _I can be what you need. Do with me what you please, Master." She bats her eyelashes up at me. This is so wrong.

I can't believe what she is doing. All those months of her denying me, _NOW_ she wants to play the Submissive! This isn't me anymore. I don't need this shit. _Then why is your cock hard as a rock, Hmmm._ I have to resist.

"Ana, I have changed a lot in these last four months. This is not a part of my life anymore." God, I want to fuck her so bad. I put the belt down next to me but can't seem to take my hand off of it.

"Please, Sir. I'll be good. I promise. Tell me what you want. I'm yours." She looks down avoiding my gaze like a true submissive. I can't resist any longer. She's right, I need this.

"Ana, I will NOT belt my pregnant ex-girlfriend but if punishment is what you want then punish you I shall! Kneel facing the headboard, leg spread, hands holding the posts! Do it NOW!" I get off the bed and rummage through her drawers. She does as she is told immediately. She has disconnected completely. I expected a reaction when I called her my _ex_ girlfriend, a small sigh, a sharp intake of breathe but nothing. Her eyes are dead. I know that look so well. I have used it myself many times. It is how I use to look at all my Submissives before I met Ana. I know I should stop this. I should get up and walk away but I'm being led by pure adrenaline now. I find enough that will work for what I have in mind.

"Spread those legs a little further. I am going to bind you to the bed and cover your eyes. You will be able to feel me and hear me but not see me. You will not speak to me! Not one word once we get started, understood?" She nods. I use her pantyhose to tie each of her hands and place her sleep mask over her eyes. "You are being punished because _YOU_ and you alone think it is necessary. So there will be no safe words. You will take your punishment fully with no complaints. Lift your ass in the air, Anastasia." She complies without making a sound and I slide my head between her legs underneath her. I can see the glistening wetness on her. She is soaking. "Always sooo ready. This will be all because you want it. This is your last chance to back out, Anastasia. Just say the word right now and we will just make love and get lost in each other. You may speak one last time." I'm giving her every chance to back out of this.

"No Master, I am ready. I have other _implements_ in the nightstand if the belt was not to your liking, Sir." Now I am mad. Why does she want to be beat so bad?

"Do. Not. Call. Me. THAT! My name is CHRISTIAN! I am not your fucking Dom. I am the man whose heart you fucking destroyed!" I snake my arms around her legs and pull her down onto my face.

For the next two hours I continue my assault. Nipping, licking, fucking, sucking, caressing ever part of her body only to bring her to the edge of insanity and stop before she can find her release. She never cries out, she never says stop. I never give her what she truly wanted. I do not pick up any implements, I do not even spank her with my hand. Now, I have tied her to the four posts of the bed face up. I take my time, licking and blowing on her all the way from her feet to her ear, swiping her hypersensitive clit with my tongue on the way.

"Is this what you like? Is this what you wanted? Domineering and unyielding, callous and unrelenting, a Dom torturing his Sub? This is not what you are to me. This is not what I want. I love you, Anastasia. Enough already. Just say the word and I will let you come." I whisper in her ear while positioning myself at her opening. She whimpers and a single tear runs from the corner of her eye but she will not give in and tell me to stop. I untie her arms and legs and she is shaking. Even if she won't give in I can't torture her anymore. The anger in gone from me.

"Get back in your original position, Anastasia, on your knees facing the headboard." I say sadly. She is slower this time but complies. I position myself behind her. "All I really want to do right now is make love to you and have you love me in return but you will find your release faster this way." I grunt and quickly push myself into her tight hot core. I feel nothing. I am getting no joy from this encounter. It feels more like a chore. What have we done? My once home, my safe haven buried in the woman I love now feels foreign to me. I pull back on her hair hard so she is almost sitting on me and pick up the pace. Snaking my hand around her waist I find her clit and give her that little bit of added pressure she needs to explode around me. Finally, she screams out, her body convulsing in the waves of her orgasm.

I am about to pull out of her when she sits back and basically pins me inside of her. "N-n-no, keeeppp going! Y-y-you haven't c-c-come y-yet!" She stammers and tries to pick herself up to give me some friction but her muscles won't obey her.

"No, Anastasia, I don't need to. This was all about you, remember? I am beyond disgusted with us and now I just want to go home." I push up on her back so I can free myself and make my way to the bathroom. I think for the first time in my life I am truly turned off by sex. I still love being buried in my Ana but that wasn't _my_ Ana in there. I want her to touch me and look into my eyes when we find our releases. What just happened was worse than fucking a Sub because I couldn't turn off my emotions with her. All I saw was me fucking Ana like she was a Sub and that makes me sick.

**Ana's POV**

I can't believe he is walking away. I can't believe he didn't even come. What have I done? I can't let him leave. I hear the shower turn on. That's it! I'm going to find my man. I just hope I'm not too late. My legs feel like jelly. Hell, my whole body feels like jelly. Even though that orgasm was mind blowing, it somehow wasn't as good as the other orgasms I've had with Christian. Something was off.

I walk into the bathroom and see that he is still in the shower washing his hair. Luckily for me you can pretty much guarantee that the door would not be locked. Christian never locks the door if he is alone in the room, another sad after affect of his childhood. I walk over to the shower door and watch as the soapy water travels down his gorgeous body. He has started washing his manhood vigorously like he can't get rid of something stuck on it. He is so lost in his task that he doesn't even hear me until I open the shower door.

"Go away, Anastasia! I'll be out of here in a minute." He growls and turns his back to me. The water is scalding.

"No, I am not going anywhere. I need to explain. I need you…" I turn down the hot water and place my hands on his back. He jumps like a thousand volts of electricity have just passed through him.

"Why? Why do you keep doing this to me? I can't…I can't take this anymore!" He groans. He has not turned around to look at me but I can still tell he has started to cry. He is leaning up against the shower wall with one arm bent under his forehead and the other laying flat on the wall. His breathing has started to pick up like he is scared of what I'll say next.

"I needed to know….I love you so much but I needed to know for sure. For both of us." I sigh, wrap my arms around his waist and gently kiss his back again and again.

"Needed to know what? You must know I really love you by now. I tell you every chance I get and I've been chasing you for months, Damn IT! So please explain to me what the fuck you don't already know!" He still won't look at me. He is not going to like this. I need him to be looking at me when I tell him. He is very good at hiding his emotions but no matter what he does, even if it is only for a split second, he can't hide them from his eyes.

He is too strong for me to turn around especially since he doesn't want to but at least he hasn't left the shower yet. I squeeze myself in under his arm and between him and the wall. A very dangerous position depending on how mad he actually gets. I put my hands on his face, his eyes are closed tightly.

"Please open your eyes. I will tell you the truth but I need you to look at me." I say and softly lean up to kiss his wet lips. He does not kiss me back but when he opens his eyes I can see all the pain there. All the hurt and anguish is showing brightly through his bloodshot tear filled eyes. I take a deep breath and continue.

"I needed to know if you still needed that. I needed to see if the belting, caning, whipping and control were what you still truly desired." I sigh and see the pain in his eyes turn to confusion then pure anger.

"You were fucking _TESTING _me! For the love of all that is holy, Anastasia. Get the FUCK away from me before I do something else I will really regret!" He screams and pushes himself off the wall to get away from me but I keep hold of his face.

"Listen to me! I was not just testing _you_. I was testing me too. I needed to know that if that was truly what you needed that I would be sure that I would be able to give that to you! I think that I can now. I can be that for you." I cry and sink to my knees in front of him. The gesture was not sexual but more to plead for forgiveness. I can feel his hand shaking in my hair.

"If that is what I needed then I could have fallen in love with any one of my Submissives but I didn't. I fell in love with you because you are different." He kneels next to me on the shower floor.

"So you don't want any of it _ever_?" I ask and raise my eyebrow at him. Yeah, right and I have a nice bridge to sell you too.

"Well, maybe we can start to incorporate a little kink later on but do not ever call me Sir or Master again, Anastasia. It sounds wrong coming from your sweet lips. It disgusts me and gives the impression that you are beneath me which you are not. Right now I just need your love. I want so badly to know that you really love and want me too." He looks down at his fingers in his lap.

I do not have the words to relieve his fears so I lean up on my palms and give him a soft sensual kiss begging him with my eyes to see just how much I love him too. I crawl across the shower floor bringing him with me until he is sitting with his back up against the wall. I deepen the kiss and start to make my way down his neck to his shoulders. I take his firm cock in my hand and slowly start to stroke him. He in turn finds my soaking wet folds and slowly inserts two fingers into my core, massaging my g-spot with precision. Fuck, I am so turned on I could probably come from just this alone. I start kissing further down his chest but he stops my descent.

"No, Ana. Please make love to me. I want to see your eyes when you take me." He moans. He is still stroking my inner walls and moaning at my stroking of his cock. God, I think he is harder than I have ever felt him.

I do not verbally response to his plea. I move my lips back up to his and caress his tongue with my own. I remove his fingers from my core and straddle him. We both have our eyes closed and I am grinding myself up and down his hard shaft just to hear him moan some more. That sound is fucking amazing. "Open your eyes, Baby. I'm going to take you inside of me now. Do not take your eyes off mine." I whisper to him. He opens his eyes and I can see the love there in them but also the pain. As he stares into my eyes, I lower myself down onto his throbbing member all the way to the base. I stay there not pulling back up for a minute just relishing in the feel of having him so deep inside of me. I circle my hips and clench my insides around him but do not pull up yet.

"God Ana what are you doing? You're not even moving but that feels fucking terrific." He moans and goes to close his eyes but I fist my hands in his hair and pull back forcing him to keep them open.

"Eyes on me baby. I'm going to move now, Christian. I want to see my love in your eyes." I kiss him again and pick myself up a little. I am going torturously slow but I want this to last.

"More Ana, please!" He moans but remembers to keep looking at me. I pick up the pace only the slightest but start clenching myself around him on my up strokes effectively milking him from the inside. I can feel myself starting to tighten and his cock starts to tremble and I know we are both close to release. "Do you feel that, baby? Do you feel me hugging you from the inside? I love you, Christian. So much you could never know." I stare into those deep gray pools of liquid fire.

"Damn Ana, Yes I feel it. I don't know what you are doing but please don't fucking stop." He groans. He moves his hands from my ass and takes each of my erect nipples and starts rolling them. I know I can't hold on much longer.

"I'm not going to last much longer, Christian. Please come for me, Baby!" I turn his words from so many past times back on him. I put my forehead back on his.

Love filled blue eyes to soulful gray. We both erupt into our earth shattering orgasms moaning and holding on to each other for all we have. I think this is the most blissful fulfilling orgasm I have ever had.

"A-ana! Oh, God…." He whispers while exploding into me. "I know, baby….I know." I hug him even tighter to me. We stay in this position for what feels like forever just letting the raining down water wash away some of our past problems and anxieties.

* * *

A/N – First off let me apologize to all those who reviewed the last chapter and didn't get a response yet. I always respond to everyone that is logged in but life kind of threw me for a loop this week. I promise that I will go back and respond to everyone I can right now because I love the reviews and rely on them so much. The "testing" idea actually did come from you guys. I hope you all were happy with him not using the belt. It was never my intention for him to belt her and I don't think I could have written it that way if I wanted to. For all my "Closet Doms" out there don't be too worried. He might have been mushy in this chapter and he might want to bury him but "Dom" Christian is not completely gone yet.


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22**

**Christian's POV**

She's here! She's really still here. I need to make her stay. I'm sitting here on the shower floor hugging her so close. I am afraid if I let go she'll disappear again. I trail my fingers up and down her back and stop on the sides of her waist. "Do you mind?" I ask motioning to her belly. She shakes her head and bites her lip. Oh, God that lip! We are never getting out of this shower today. I splay my fingers out across her abdomen. I am in awe. I am holding _my_ child through her belly. "Mine! Daddy is back for good now, little one." I whisper to my baby as I lean over and place affectionate kisses all over her womb.

"Can you feel the baby kicking yet?" I hope I didn't miss that one too.

"No, I am 20 weeks. I am just learning how to distinguish which flutters are the baby and which are just butterflies in my stomach. Speaking of "Stomach", as much as I would like to stay in here with you all day, I am being a terrible hostess. You need to eat. It has been over 24 hours since your last meal." She looks down sadly. She knows my issues with not eating. I, myself, can't believe I've gone so long without a meal.

"Fine, let's finish washing off a little and then go eat." I help her up and grab the soap. I take extra care washing her womanhood and her belly. They both belong only to me. She takes her turn washing me but stalls over the place where my tattoo is.

"Why, Christian? Why did you do this?" She whispers almost too softly for me to hear.

"I told you why." I whisper back.

"Yes, I know but I could have always made up a different back story for my scars. This very specifically says my name. It is so permanent." She sighs and continues to wash me.

"And having my baby isn't permanent? You will be connected to me for life now." Damn I like the sound of that.

"Scars fade. Children grow up. People grow older and grow apart….." I won't even allow her to finish that thought.

"Stop this now! I am not going anywhere and I sure as shit won't let you go anywhere either. I don't care if we live till 190. You will still be MINE!" Damn it, I wish spanking was still on the table. I can feel my hand twitching already. She nods and leaves me in the shower. This woman is so fucking frustrating. She brings me home and takes care of me. She makes love to me and holds me like she can't get me close enough yet she is still holding back.

I take a minute to compose myself before following her into the bedroom. I see that she has clothes laid out on the bed for me. My blood begins to boil. I know that she hasn't gone out today. Where the fuck did she get men's clothing?!

"Calm down before you give yourself an aneurism. Taylor dropped them off this morning. He didn't want to leave you here with me last night. I think he just ran home, grabbed some stuff for you and then camped out in my driveway all night and day." She smirks at me. She must have noticed my reaction to the clothes.

"Yes well, he has been a little over protective of me the last four months." I groan and start to get dressed.

"I know..., when you are finished getting dressed I'll show you around. Then I'll start cooking dinner unless you want to go out or order in." She looks at me expectantly. What the fuck did she mean by that? What does she _know_?

"I don't want to put you out, we can order in if you like. I'm not really in the mood to go out right now." I give her a devilish smile to lighten the mood a little.

"It's no trouble at all. I like to cook. It won't be anything fancy but I'm sure you'll like it. Now come on, let me show you the balcony first. It's the best." She grabs my hand and leads me out the French doors.

"Holy Fucking Shit! You….You live on the fucking SOUND?" She smiles and nods. She has been this fucking close all along and I didn't know it.

**Ana's POV**

Aw, shit. Maybe I should have shown him the rest of the house first. He looks like he's turning into Thermonuclear Fifty right before my eyes. Why is he so mad? He has always loved the water.

"Um, Christian are you ok? It's ok if you don't like the view. We can go back inside and I'll show you something else." I give him my best puppy dog look. It always calmed him down before.

"How long have you lived here, Ana?" He growls at me.

"Just about 3 months now. Why? What does that matter?" What the hell is wrong with him?

"3 months? 3 fucking months you have been right here under my fucking nose? How the hell did you even afford this? How fucking close to Bellevue are you anyway?" He closes his fists and then closes his eyes and starts to count. I instinctively back up.

"We are about ½ mile away. You can walk there in no time at all, if you wanted to." I will try my best not to answer his other question. I wonder if Taylor can hear me from up here. Maybe it was better that he didn't want to leave.

"Answer the question, Anastasia. Why did this house not show up on any background checks? How did you afford this and your club? I didn't give you that much fucking money! Answer me!" He has me backed into the railing, one arm on either side of me, holding me in. He is not going to let this go. His eyes are searching mine, trying to see if I will lie to him.

"M-m-m-ichael bought it for us…" My words have left me. His eyes are burning with rage and his knuckles are white from gripping the railing so tightly.

"For US? For you and _HIM_?" He is screaming at me now. How could he jump to that conclusion?

"NO, for me and the baby! Michael is my Brother for Christ's sake, Christian!" I am yelling back now, probably not such a good idea by the way.

"He is NOT your biological brother, Ana. You will sell this place! I don't want that man anywhere near you or _MY_ child ever again. Do you fucking understand me ,Anastasia?" He leans in closer to me but still keeps the force in his voice.

"Like fucking HELL I will! Who the fuck do you think you are? I will not sell my home and I sure as hell won't cut my brother out of my life! He has no sexual interest in me! He is too busy fucking the entire female population of Seattle. Besides I thought you of all people would understand that "biological" doesn't matter. Fantasize about fucking Mia much, do you?" I spit at him. I swear he lifts his palm to backhand me but catches himself. Instead he crushes his lips to mine and tears off my panties. Stupid move wearing a sun dress I guess.

"Wrap your legs around me, Anastasia. I need to fuck you and fuck you hard if I have any hopes of getting through this without beating the shit out of you!" He growls in my ear while using one hand to free himself and the other to slide two fingers into my already soaking wet core. Even mad as hell, I am soaking wet and ready to give myself to him every minute of every day. He controls my body's every desire and he knows it. If this is what he needs than this is what I will give him. Fuck my clit is already throbbing and I really need to come again anyway. I am still hypersensitive down there from his earlier torture. I jump up and wrap my legs around him. He grabs my hair and slams into me full force. Our eyes never leave each other. The feeling is fucking unreal. He is giving me a punishing pounding but something is missing. I am so hyper aroused that it is painful not finding my release. I slide my legs down his body and almost scream at him.

"Flip me over, Christian NOW!" I lean over the coffee table that I have out on the balcony. I raise one leg up on top of the table and leave the other one on the floor. "Fuck ME! NOW! Damn it!" With that he pounds into me from behind, a bewildered look or his face. I'm still too sensitive. I move one of his hands from my hip into my hair and tell him to pull. I leave one hand on the table and start rolling my nipple with the other but it still isn't enough. I think if he crawled up inside me it still wouldn't be enough.

"Fuck, Ana that looks so fucking HOT! That's it! Work that nipple baby, touch _your_seeellllfff!" He is moaning so loud. He just about has me but I need more!

"Christian…Do something! Anything! I am so sensitive, I need to come! Baby, PLEASE!" I scream. Shit what is going on….

He continues to pound into me and I can feel him tense. His release is close, I can feel it. Then he does the one thing I would have never thought I needed. His other hand leaves my hip and he pulls harder on my hair. "I can't fucking take it anymore...Fuucckkk, being the good guy..." He whimpers. Then his hand comes down hard and he spanks my ass into oblivion. I come harder than I ever have in my life and I still want more. "Christian don't stop! Harder Baby, I'm still comiiinnnnggg!" I moan loudly. He is still pounding into me hard and then I feel his release which only makes me come harder. Every nerve ending in my body is on fire. I am twitching from head to toe. "Oh, Christian… What did you do to me?" I moan breathlessly. "It's what we do to each other baby. It's just a delayed reaction from me torturing you before. You were already wound too tight when we began. Ssshh, rest for a little while." He lifts me up and sets me back down on the bed, still trying to catch him own breath

"Anastasia, can I ask you a question?" He smirks and sits down beside me.

"Sure, anything." I lean over so I can look at him.

"Is that balcony visible from the front of the house?" He asks with a little giggle.

"No, why?...Oh, shit I forgot all about Taylor." I bury my face in my pillow and just laugh uncontrollably.

* * *

A/N – please excuse the short chapter. I'm terribly sorry I didn't respond to anyone's review of the last chapter, I chose to update instead. I didn't want to skip the update but was really in no mood to write this week. They'll be more meat to the next chapter, I promise.

- To 10zahbash, sunnyjb, sbm2384, jennilu73, kaycad742, Christian618, vampswols4l, annette101660, luvdisney2007, foggynights, mrskoz, emi17, wattle, ARSG, greyfan79 and VRB thank you guys so much for faithfully reviewing. Without you guys I would have given up long ago.

- debbieg - I hope you liked the hypersensitivity.

- shadeoCoon - Hope you liked the little spanking and hard quickie. That one's for you babe!

- Alexxonfire - Thank you. I love being far, far, far different. hehehehe

- Banny Baby - you know me better than to think I would ever really take a belt to anyone ;-) wink, wink!

- And1rea - Very glad you're not blue anymore. That would have been a terrible lose for me. ;-)


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23**

**Christian's POV**

She is still laughing about Taylor possibly seeing our whole encounter. That sound is the most wonderful sound in the world. I pull the covers off her face and kiss her beautiful lips. Luckily for me I had only gotten my underwear on before she had pulled me out to the balcony so freeing myself for her was easy. I think I'll stay in only this just in case the opportunity arises again after dinner. I plan on fucking this woman senseless in to the wee hours of the morning. Four months of pent up sexual tension is a lot to release.

"Ok wench! I've bedded you, you've washed me, now it's time for you to feed me!" I laugh and give her a playful swat on her delectable ass.

"Ooww, Christian! Watch it! Just let me find some new underwear, I think I'm going to have to buy more stock in Victoria's Secret with you back around." She snickers and stands up off the bed. I stop her right in front of me. I'm still in a playful mood from the spanking I guess.

"Oh, no you don't. You have two options, Anastasia. One is to stay in this dress bare like you are now. The other is to take this off and stay in only panties just like me, no bra either." I put my head under her dress and run my tongue through her wet folds, rolling my tongue over her still sensitive clit before pulling my head away. "I like the easy access." I look up at her and lick her wetness off of my lips.

"Well, as much as the protection of panties is tempting, the thought of burning my nipples while cooking is not. So I guess I will just have to stay like this then. How about we get you into a t-shirt and lose your underwear so you can be free down there like me?" She smiles sweetly and runs her hand across the waistband of my speedos. She is playing along and I'm fucking rock solid again already.

"I don't think so! I have no idea what perils lie in wait around this house so I think I'll keep my protection." I lick my lips again and can still taste her sweet juices on my tongue. Damn, we really don't need to leave the bedroom, do we? I just want to bury my head in her pussy and get lost. Shit, she could be my dinner. She goes to walk away and I give her another playful swat.

"Christian Grey! I swear to God if you spank me one more time without fucking me, I _will_ turn around and return the favor!" She hisses at me. Oooo, she's cute.

"You want to spank _ME_?" No fucking way baby!

"You have no idea the things I want to do to you right now, Christian." She leans over me and licks my neck and bites my earlobe hard and pulls. The pain shoots straight into my groin, making my cock twitch. "Come, let's eat" She turns around and walks away. I get up and follow her out the door. If I was a dog, my tail would be wagging and my tongue would be hanging out of my mouth panting.

**Taylor's POV**

Please! Please, someone pour acid in my ears. Why the hell didn't I listen to Sawyer? He fucking told me not to do a security sweep of the property but I was so fucking bored. God, how the hell do you un-hear something?

"_Fuck ME! NOW! Damn it!"…._

"_Fuck, Ana that looks so fucking HOT! That's it! Work that nipple baby, touch yourself!"…._

_SMACK….SMACK….SMACK…._

"_Christian don't stop! Harder Baby, I'm still comiiinnnnggg!"…_

I think I'm gonna puke! My God is that woman loud! I don't know how he doesn't break her in half with that monster of his. Thank God I didn't look up. Hearing it was too much. I don't think I would have survived seeing it too. I run back to the car. I must look like I've seen a ghost because Sawyer is out of the car, gun drawn before I even get around the corner.

"What is it T? Where is the threat?" He is on top of me looking around for some impending danger.

"No threat, calm down Luke. Holster that thing. It's just…..The Boss….Ms. Steele…. They are….um….making up?" I look at him with a sick looking expression. The fucker has the nerve to laugh in my face.

"That's all! You have that look on your Face because you caught the Boss fucking? Shit, he used to fuck all the time in all sorts of ways. It never bothered you before." He is still laughing at me. I'm gonna hit him if he doesn't stop.

"Come on, let's get back to the car. Knowing he's fucking and hearing it firsthand is very different. The Playroom is sound proof remember?" I grumble at him and continue to walk toward the car.

"Shit, hearing it? You didn't even cop a view? What a disappointment… maybe I'll go take a walk too." He smirks at me.

"Don't you fucking dare! They are done anyway…..I think. Now get the fuck back in the car." I glare at him. I'd fire his ass if he wasn't so good at his job.

We have been sitting in the car for another hour or so when Sawyer's shriek pulls me from my crossword puzzle.

"Holy fucking SHIT! What the fuck is he doing? Is that the _Boss_ walking toward us?" He is gaping at the front door of the house. I turn my gaze to see what he is talking about and almost die right there.

The Boss is sashaying down the driveway carrying a dinner tray in one hand with the other hand on his hip. He is trying hard to keep a straight face. He is wearing nothing but his speedos, dick bouncing away with every step. Now I need some acid for my eyes too.

"Holy Shit, that thing is a MONSTER! He's not even hard and I can see it from here. I'm fucking impressed and a little envious too if you ask me." He glances at me and I scowl at him. No matter how fucking funny this is we have to act professional. I open the window and the Boss hands me the tray.

"Gentlemen, the Lady of the house thought you two may be a little hungry after a day of doing nothing but sitting in the car…" He fucking winks at me. Does he know I heard them?

"Come on, T, lighten up. I know it's funny. I lost a bet with her so my punishment was to bring you your dinner like a gay runway model with nothing on but my underwear." He laughs and punches me in the arm. Ok what the fuck did she do with my boss? Sawyer starts to giggle but I can't stop staring at this crazy shithead in front of me. Fuck it!

"Sir, can you please bend over or something because I really can't concentrate with your monster cock stuck in my face!" And that's all it takes for us to all be howling in laughter. I wasn't even really joking. I may be large but this guy is definitely in charge.

"Very funny, Jason. Listen, after you guys eat you can go home. I'm going to stay here tonight but just be back by 5am with a change of clothes for me for work. We will be going straight to GEH." He laughs and jogs back up to the house.

Now I have three things to add to my fucked up "should have never seen or heard" list. Ana screaming in ecstasy, my mostly naked boss sashaying toward me and now my still half naked boss jogging away from me while wiggling his ass and holding out his pinky fingers at his sides… God, I need Gail and a bath, PRONTO!

**Ana's POV**

He's actually fucking doing it! Serves him right, doubting me. It was just a card trick but I promised him he wouldn't be able to figure out how I did it. I know he was looking forward to some sort of sexual punishment but humiliation is so much more fun. Ok, maybe not but sex is a given. I don't have to make bets to get that. I think he is actually enjoying this. The ass wiggling on the way back was not part of the bet. Taylor's fucking face is priceless! Sawyer is laughing so hard I don't think he can breathe. He has always been a little more laid back than Taylor even though he hides it well.

"Did you see it Ana? Did you see Jason's face? That was worth fucking millions! Now I've done what you asked Ms. Steele, where is my reward?" His gaze turns serious and he stalks over to me.

"No, no, no. You get no reward besides you didn't seem too put out by it. Looked to me like you rather liked shaking that gorgeous ass of yours. Do I get a show too, Mr. Grey?" I move around the table and away from his advances. It will be so much better this way later. He loves when I play hard to get.

"I'll give you the best damn striptease show you've ever seen, Ms. Steele. Now stop moving!" He tries to catch me from the other side of the table but I just make it out of his reach.

"Stop fucking around, Christian! We need to eat. Your dinner is getting cold." I can't fucking wait to see that but he really needs some food. His eyes turn sad for a moment and he takes his seat, no doubt he is remembering his childhood hunger.

"I hope you don't mind but I told the guys to go home and pick me up in the morning. I think they have had quite enough excitement for one day. This smells delicious Ana." He looks at me hopefully.

"Um, I don't know if that was such a great idea. I have…um…. a _guest_ coming by later tonight and they may not appreciate you being here very much…. Thank you so much for leaving me panty-less though. It will save me so much time later." I look up at him through my lashes trying to hide my giggle. I am just fucking with him. He seems to not know how to react. His eyes flash with disbelief, then hurt until they finally settle on anger. That is when I let out my full force giggle on him.

"I'm just fucking with you, Christian. Now eat." I laugh as he takes a bite of his food.

"Not funny, Anastasia. Not funny at all." He mumbles while shoving more mouthfuls of meatloaf and Mac & Cheese into his face. He is adorable.

"Slow down, Christian. I have more here for you to _eat_ later if you so desire." I slowly pull my bottom lip through my teeth before turning my attention to my own dinner. His answering growl was exactly what I wanted to hear.

We eat the rest of our dinner in a comfortable silence until I bring up something I've wanted to discuss with him for hours now.

"Christian, I don't want you to feel pressured into anything you aren't ready for but I have an appointment for my 20 week Sonogram tomorrow and I was wondering if you would like to meet me there? I understand if you're not ready for that yet." I look down and start biting on my lip again. I don't want to be looking into his eyes if he denies me this.

"Of course I want to be there, Ana. But can't I come to the whole appointment with you? Why do I have to meet you there?" He eyes me suspiciously. I wonder if I'll get a nice hard make up fuck out of this one too.

"The appointment is in Portland. Coming with me would require you to take the whole day off work and you've already missed too many days because of me. This way you can fly Charlie tango down and not miss the whole day. Michael always drives me down. He has business in Portland anyway." I continue to look down afraid of what I'll see if I look up.

"_Again with fucking "Michael"" _He whispers under his breath. "How do you know how much work I've missed and why the fuck is your OB not even in the same state as you?" Shit! I thought he would miss the work thing.

"We will get into the "work" thing later. As for my OB, I couldn't really go marching into Seattle Grace for my appointments without running the risk of bumping into you or Grace, now could I? Besides I found out I was pregnant in Portland and I was very comfortable with the Doctor they gave me." I shrug and finally look up at him.

"But you can switch now. It's not really safe for you to be in a different state then your OB. What about when you are close to delivering? What happens if you are here when you go into labor? How the hell did you find out in Portland anyway? He asks, exasperated.

"It was about two weeks after I left. I was staying in Portland temporarily until we thought it was feasible that I could return without you finding out. I collapsed. I thought it was the stress and heartache of leaving you. I wasn't sleeping, I was barely eating. I was exhausted. Michael and Mark rushed me to the Hospital. They put me on IV fluids and ran some tests. They showed that I was extremely dehydrated and very pregnant. Dr. Brewster was extremely nice and understanding of my situation so I decided to stick with him. I have been going once a month and the week before I am due I will relocate back to Portland until the baby is born. If I go into labor before that I have a copy of all my medical records and I will then be forced to go to Seattle Grace." I sigh and wait for his response which doesn't seem to be coming.

"Christian, please say something." I beg the waiting is killing me.

"Your OB is a fucking MAN!" He shouts. I should have known that was all he would take away from what I said.

"Christian, please. Yes he is a man. I know you don't understand. That you will probably never be able to fully understand but I don't trust women. I have very few women friends and even those I don't know if I will ever truly trust. He is the best in his field and he is very gay so you have nothing to worry about." I go and grab his cheeks and make him look at me. Hoping he sees the truth behind my eyes. I never want to tell him how I know Dr. Brewster is the best Doctor for me.

"You let another man be where only I've been! After everything that men have done to you and it is women you don't trust! You're right I don't understand!" He puts his hands on my arms and pushes me away from him.

"He saved our baby. He is the only reason I'm still pregnant." I whisper softly and walk away. He can find his own way out. I don't want to watch when he leaves.

"Wait, what did you say?" He stops me and turns me around to face him. Anger is still teeming in his eyes while mine are filling with tears.

"TWINS, CHRISTIAN! I was carrying TWINS! When I was 10 weeks pregnant I started to hemorrhage. I lost one baby and the only reason why I didn't lose both is because that _MALE _OB stayed with me all night pumping me with progesterone and methergine until the bleeding stopped. Are you _happy_ now? You got your fucking explanation." So much for not telling him. I pull away and go to the only place that makes me feel happy and safe. The Nursery. He can follow me, he can have Taylor come pick him up, I really don't give a fuck.

**Christian's POV**

SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! How am I supposed to respond to that? She lost one of our babies and I wasn't there for her. Worse still she probably thinks she was lying there bleeding half to death and I was out fucking Elena. How badly can one person fuck up in life? Now she's walked away again and again I've fucking let her. Why am I so fucked up? All I can see is a man with his head between _MY _Anastasia's legs, looking, searching, touching, exploring what should only ever be fucking _MINE_! He's a God Damn Gay baby doctor, for fucks sake! What the fuck is wrong with me? He probably not only saved my child's life he probably saved Anastasia's life too.

I need to find her. I don't know anything about this house though. She never took me on that tour. I guess I'll give myself one. I can't believe she picked a house on The Sound. I always wanted a house overlooking the water. _It's not your house Grey._ I know that. I walk into her bedroom first being as I know where that is but she is not there. I finish walking through the upper level of the house even though I don't really have to. I know which room she is in. I skip that room and check out the rest. All together there are 3 bedrooms up here not counting the room she is currently in and 3 bathrooms. Her bedroom has one, there is one in the hall and one of the guest rooms has its own bathroom. Not to mention whatever is downstairs that I haven't seen. The house is quite impressive. I stop in front of the door and place my hand on it. Fear is coursing through my veins, I can hear her soft sobs. She is mumbling something I can't quite make out.

I open the door and am greeted with the most beautiful nursery any child could dream of. The furniture is wood the color of sand. The walls are one big beach mural. Waves and sand and birds flying through the clouds. On one wall, in the distance is a painting of the GEH jet on the other is a helicopter flying into the horizon. My heart takes a nose dive. In both paintings the jet and Charlie Tango are flying away from the beach not toward it.

She is sitting on a rocking chair in the corner of the room, arms tenderly caressing her belly. I kneel in front of her and place my hands over hers.

"I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you Anastasia but I have to know. Did you ever plan on including me in this baby's life at all? Because right now it really doesn't feel like it to me. I mean, I only found out about the baby by accident and you chose a Doctor without me, you chose a home without me, you even decorated the Nursery without me. Don't get me wrong, your home is beautiful and the Nursery is everything a baby would want but I'm feeling a little left out here. I know I let my temper and jealousy get the better of me downstairs but all this is kind of being thrown at me and I feel so out of …_control_" That is about as honest as I can be. Truthfully, I'm scared to death that she is shutting me out.

"It is my fault that you weren't there so stop apologizing. I always _wanted_ you to be a part of our lives but if I'm being completely honest with you and myself, I guess deep down I never really thought you would be. I just believed that you would walk away from me like you did yesterday and stay away, so I did everything myself. I'm sorry I didn't include you." She looks down at me and bites that fucking quivering lip of hers again.

I take her face in my hands and slowly kiss her with all the love in my heart. She moans, giving my tongue the opening it needs to push inside her warm wet mouth. My hands start to travel of their own accord. Her dress has buttons that go down to the middle of her chest. I slowly undo each one while still caressing her tongue with my own. I finally free her breasts and cup them with my hands bringing each in turn to my waiting lips. I allow one of my hands to travel up her skirt and into her wet folds, inserting one then two fingers into her hot core. I am so fucking hard for her but she needs this more than I do. She begins to grind her hips into my hand for some needed friction, moaning loudly. "Oh, Christian….._fuck me_…." She moans, moving her hips faster.

"No baby, I'm going to _eat_ that dessert that I wanted so badly before." I give her a wicked grin and shift her ass as far down on the rocker as it will go. I put one leg on each of the armrests and lean back to admire my handy work. She is spread wide open for me, breasts trussed up by her own dress.

"I want you to play with your nipples, Anastasia. It turned me on so much before when you touched yourself. Do it now! I want to see you." She takes a breast in each hand massaging and rolling her nipples while staring into my eyes. I free myself and start stroking my length up and down slowly. Her eyes go wide as saucers and she lets out a long moan.

"Eyes on me, Ana! I want you to watch me make you come!" I lean in and claim her clit with my mouth. She tastes just as delicious as ever. I look up at her while sucking on her sweet nub and see her eyes roll into the back of her head. One hand leaves her breast and fists in my hair pushing me in closer to her while her other hand pulls and rolls her other nipple hard. I go in for the kill, pushing my fingers into her and stroking her insides while my tongue continues its assault on her clit. I feel her start to tense. "Ah…FUCK!" She crys. We never hear the door open.

"FUCK! Fuck! Fucking SHIT! I'm sorry Ana. I just….I heard you…..I thought you were crying…FUCK!" I remove my head from Ana's legs just in time to see Michael turn and run for the door. Take that MOTHER FUCKER! She's MINE!

**Michael's POV**

Get me the fuck out of here! Shit that was fucking disgusting. No brother should ever be subjected to seeing any shit like that. Fuck, I'll never get that image out of my fucking head.

"Mike! Wait, stop!" Ana is running after me. At least she fixed her dress.

"I'm sorry Ana. I didn't mean to interrupt you. I just thought that even if it went well with him that he would have went home by now. There were no cars in the driveway and I always stay over the night before your appointments. Fuck, I'll leave. I'm sorry." I turn to keep walking. I notice that dick standing in the corner smirking. Well, thanks for putting some pants on you piece of shit.

"Please don't go. You can still stay here. I'm sorry you walked in on that." She blushes and he scowls at her.

"Is he staying too? I don't think this house could survive both of us even for one night. What the fuck is up with you anyway? A teddy bear, some flowers and a fucking little song and you drop your pants for him again in a heartbeat. I thought you were fucking smarter than that. Call me tomorrow if you want me to pick you up for your appointment. I'm out of here." After everything he put her through she's just going to take him back like that. What the fuck were the last four months for then?

"Wait one fucking minute there! Don't you dare fucking talk to her like that!" Oh this is priceless, mother fucking Grey wants to step up now huh? Bring it! I've been waiting months to kick his ass.

"Christian, stop! He's just protective of me that's all. Please give us a minute." Ana puts herself in between us. Dumb move, sweetheart.

"Stop it Ana. Protective? I know a little about what you went through as a kid. Don't you dare tell me this Mother Fucker _protected _you. Where the fuck was he when his friends were sneaking into your room at night to molest you, huh? Protective my ass!" He sneers at me. Ana better fucking move.

"Get out of the way Ana! Me and this piece of shit excuse of a man are going to settle this right now! Get the fuck outside NOW Grey!" I turn to walk outside. I'm taking a big chance that he doesn't attack me when I'm not looking but I don't think even he would stoop so low in front of Ana.

"Christian, do not go out there. You don't have a fucking clue what you are talking about. You don't know half the shit that was done to me or what I did to myself as a kid for that matter. Michael didn't know about those two people until recently. I never told him!" She is trying to hold him back.

"Ana, let me go! I haven't had a real fight in way to long. I'm going to teach this BITCH who the real _MAN _around here is." He smirks at me and takes his kickboxing stance. Little does he know I'm a MMA expert myself. This is gonna get deep.

"Bitch? I'll show you who the fucking BITCH is in this equation, _CHRISTIAN_. What the fuck kind of name is that anyway? Oh, yeah now I remember. This bitch that was on my dick for a while had that same name." I chuckle and get into my own defensive stance. Maybe I'll have some fun with him.

"Hey Daddy! Head and body shots only. I have my beauty to maintain and you have work in the morning." Ana has finally gotten the point that there is no stopping us and backed up.

I place one roundhouse kick to the side of his head. He stumbles but recovers pretty quickly. On and on we go. He catches me with a good punch or kick and I give him back the same. After about a half hour we both take a seat on the front stoop to catch our breath. I don't want a truce, I don't want to throw him a bone but I am Uncle to his kid and Ana loves him for some fucking reason that is damn well unknown to me. So I will be the bigger man.

"She wasn't lying you know. She never did tell me. I wish she had. I would have killed them back then but they have been taken care of now." I grumble toward him. He stays silent but turns to glare at me.

"She is more damaged than you know. There are things about her that you could never have found out. I have made very sure to guard our secrets well." I hope to hell he is really ready for the long haul.

"Why don't you enlighten me then?" He sneers at me. Before I can respond Ana is standing in the doorway looking either thoroughly pissed off or utterly amused. I can't tell the difference right now.

"Well, if you two idiots are quite done beating the shit out of each other, please come inside before my neighbors call the police." She shakes her head at us in disbelief.

"Um, do you still need me to go with you tomorrow Ana?" I want to see where we all stand with this.

"Of course you're still coming, Uncle Mikey!" She ruffles my hair and smirks at me. We both turn to look for Christian's response.

"I would really like to take you. I'll fly you _both_ down if that's still ok with you Ana?" Jeez that must have hurt him to say.

"Christian, but you'll miss more work! We can drive and I still want you to be there." Ana, always worried about dumb shit.

"Enough, Ana. I am flying both of you. I'm a fucking billionaire for Christ's sake. I can miss work if I want to!" He tries to say nicely.

"Ouch, that must have hurt!" I snicker under my breath.

"Shut up DICK!" He hisses at me.

"Fine, now come inside. I'm cold." She relents and walks into the house. We get up behind her but I grab his arm to stop him.

"Listen, Grey. It is her story to tell but it is one that I think she really needs to tell you before you two can move on. If you can't handle her shit and be there for her than figure that out now. DO NOT hurt her again." I let go of him and walk into the house not waiting for a response.

"Ana, I'm going to bed." I say loudly. I whisper the rest in her ear. "It's ok, you can tell him. He needs to know." I give her a kiss on the head and start up the stairs.

Half way up the stairs I turn around. Because Christian really did have it right, I am a dick. I yell back at them. "For the love of God, please try to be a little quieter tonight. There is only so much one man can take." I walk the rest of the way to my room leaving them to descend into the darkness alone.

* * *

A/N – Ok, as you know the more reviews the merrier! Let me know what you think.


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24**

**Ana's POV**

My heart is pounding like a jackhammer. How am I ever going to explain my past to Christian without completely freaking him out? The physical abuse is nothing compared to what he went through as a child. It is what I did to myself that I think will disgust him the most.

"Christian, we don't need to do this. We can just go upstairs and make Michael very sorry that he asked us to be quiet. You don't need to be tainted with my bullshit." I tell him hopefully. I'm fidgeting with my hair. It's a tell, my nervous reaction to unpleasant things.

"I _want_ to know everything about you, Ana. As tempting as it is to just take you back to bed, I think that it's best if we get this out in the open now rather than later." He has his hands in the pockets of the warm up pants Taylor had dropped off for him. They hang so low on his hips that you can see every muscle in his abdomen flex when he moves, not to mention that oh so happy trail that is lurking there waiting to be licked. Damn, ADD, I'm easily distracted.

"Fine, I'm going to make myself some tea. I figure we can go and sit on the back deck. It's actually a nice night for Seattle not too cold. I'm sorry you'll have to do this sober. For obvious reasons this house is an "Alcohol Free" zone." I smile sadly at him and look down at my feet utterly ashamed.

"What is it? Can I help you get your tea ready? Just tell me what to do, Ana." He walks over to me quickly but keeps his hands in his pockets. I think he is trying to keep from touching me.

"I just feel like such an _ass_! I'm having your baby for fuck's sake and if I'm not serving you brandy or wine or morning coffee then I don't have a fucking clue what you like to drink!" I sputter.

"Water, baby. Water is just fine. Come show me where to go. I'll carry your tea for you." He gives me a small smile and grabs the tray. I grab him a glass of water and motion for him to follow me out the back door.

We take our seats out on the deck that overlooks the beautiful meadow. It's a shame that it is nighttime and he can't see the lovely view. I take a quick sip of tea and slowly start to tear off the band-aid that has been holding me together for years.

"Christian, do you remember our first few months together? Did you ever find it odd that I never questioned not being able to touch you? That I so easily accepted that fact like it was the most normal thing on the planet. That we had been fucking for months and I never pressured you to define our relationship. Hell, I never even brought it up. Did none of that strike you as out of place?" I ask with a raised eyebrow and take another sip of my tea.

"Um…..well….no actually. You know I have never had a relationship outside of my Dom/Sub contracts. In my "contracts" questioning me would not have been tolerated and there were never any _relationships_ to define. So no, it never occurred to me that your behavior was out of place." He looks sort of disgusted with himself.

"Well, how do I say this?... We are very similar in a lot of ways, Christian. The reasons might be different but the behavior is…. I don't know." I look up at him waiting for him to speak but it looks as if he is just going to let me continue. I take another sip of tea. Thank god for inventing tea. It is my go to for everything. It calms and warms me. I sigh and continue.

"I have never _allowed_ anyone to touch me other than you that wasn't in a harsh way. I never wanted tender touch nor could I tolerate it. So like you I would seek out touch that was a little more _aggressive_." I take another pause to see the look on his face. I make a point of stressing the "allowed" since he already knows that I had been touched before him. He looks angry.

"What do you mean "aggressive", Anastasia?" He whispers through clenched teeth.

"Please, don't be angry, Christian. It was my way of coping. I use to be pretty once. I had hit puberty at eleven and was built just right in all the right places. The groping started when I was 13. I tried to tell my Mom but she said it was my fault. I kept my appearance too nice and flirted too much and that I shouldn't be surprised when it blew up in my face and some poor young man gave in to his desires. She told me never to breathe another word about it or I would ruin not only my life but Mike's life too. So that is what I did. I kept my mouth shut and never told anyone until I met Kate. By 14 I had let my appearance go and spent 90% of my time at the bottom of whatever bottle I could get my hands on so the guys that use to take interest in me now left me alone." I sigh again and he nods for me to continue.

"But I kept up my life and did good in school and had a few girls I would hang out with. By 15 I was a bunch of raging teenage hormones desperate for some sort of connection to _anyone_. I would watch as the other girls would hook up with guy after guy but I wouldn't really take interest in anyone. Then one day this guy from another neighborhood noticed me. I wasn't able to let him touch me _sexually_ though, which really pissed him off. He would fuck my "_friends_" instead but argue constantly with me. One day I guess my wise mouth pushed him too far and he punched me then grabbed me really hard by the arms and shook me before throwing me to the floor. That was it, I had finally found a form of touch from a man that I could tolerate. So I found myself purposely starting fights with him just so he would hit me. I know that sounds sick but I was in a very dark place back then." Please, please, please don't leave. I know that what I did was sick. I silently beg him.

"Is that why you flinch sometimes if my hand comes at you too quickly?" He is alternating between rubbing his hands up and down his thighs and ringing his fingers together to crack his knuckles. The question surprises me.

"I hadn't realized that I did that but yeah I guess so." That is interesting. I never knew I did that.

"Oh, I thought it was because I had showed you my playroom and you were afraid of me. How long did this last?" I have never been afraid of him before now. He is being deceptively calm and it is scaring the shit out of me. What he thinks means the world to me.

"No, Christian. I was never afraid of you. I couldn't sign your contract because for the first time in my life harsh was not the kind of touch I wanted. I actually wanted you to touch me and when you did I didn't lose it. But I understood your needs better than you knew." I take a deep breath and continue with the story.

"It lasted for about 6 months before Michael found out and made sure that I never went back to that other neighborhood again. I still drank like a fish but I was pretty much on neighborhood arrest for the next 5 months. Someone was always watching me, "protecting" me from myself I guess. I hadn't realized then that they were truly protecting me from _him_. He had become obsessed with getting to me which of course I wasn't told about. He was a very bad man, which of course, I never had taken the interest in noticing either." I look at him intently. "Christian, from here on out the rest is very confidential. What comes next are not only my secrets but Michael's and Mark's and everyone else that decided to stay involved with me one fateful night when I was 16. I need you to either end this now and tell me that you know enough by knowing that we all got out or promise me that you will never use any of this information against any of them especially Michael. I will not tolerate anyone hurting him any more than I would allow anyone to hurt you or our child. Do you understand me, Christian?" I know he will want me to continue. Curiosity killed the cat.

"Michael Morton is a fucking drug addict juvenile delinquent that allowed people to hurt you. But if protecting him in some way also protects you then I guess I really don't have a choice. I will keep his secrets just like I will keep yours but I need to know what I am getting myself involved in here, Anastasia. Continue." He has now switched to running his fingers through his hair.

"Please don't fucking call him that. Michael _Banner_ is a Lawyer and Business man who has secrets just as YOU, Christian Grey, are a Business man who also has secrets. Yes, he was a drug addict just as I was and am an alcoholic. He has paid his dues do not hold it against him." I am starting to get angry, which is good. Anger is better than fear and desperation. He nods and I continue.

"It was just after my sixteenth birthday and we decided to have a Keg Party in the park for the occasion. Don't look at me like that, I know, throwing a keg party for a raving alcoholic is like sending a coke head to go pick coca plants in Columbia, I get it. Anyway, the party was dying down a little and I took a little walk to find a place to pee when _he_ showed up. We got into a fight and when Michael saw us he lost him mind and beat the shit out of him. He left and we all went back to the party like nothing had happened. About an hour later we noticed a car in the distance revving its engine. We all knew what was going to happen but it was too late to react. Just as Michael was throwing me to the ground and covering me a hail of bullets rained down on us. Do you see these scars, Christian?" I point to my upper arm to show him the 2 circular scars. "I told you scars fade so you probably never noticed them before. These are from the two bullets that pierced my skin that night. Michael took one in the leg and one in the hip. Kevin was killed instantly. He was only home for the weekend, he wasn't even supposed to be there. He only came home for me. I will never forgive myself for that. I know you hate Michael, I don't pretend to know why but if it wasn't for that man upstairs taking those other bullets for me I wouldn't be here right now. It turns out that the guy who shot at us was a drug dealer with a lot of friends but thankfully those friends thought we had been killed in that park too. After we were all treated at the hospital and talked to police we all scattered. Michael changed his name, got off the drugs and actually did something with his life. I left from the Hospital to Ray's, I never even went back to pick up my clothes." I stop. End of story. He knows how I got from Ray's to my current situation. I sigh and look up at him, scared of what I will find in his eyes. He looks confused and angry all at the same time.

"What was his name? The man who shot you and beat you, Anastasia, What-Was-HIS-NAME?!" He pounds his fist down into the table.

"What does it matter, Christian? He has been taken care of the same way those boys that touched me were taken care of. I told you, Christian! We have secrets. Michael is very _efficient_ at making problems "disappear". " I try to keep my voice low so as not to wake the whole neighborhood.

"Are you fucking telling me that he is a fucking ex-drug addict hit man and that you are ok with that?" He jabs his finger up toward the bedroom where Michael is no doubt listening to everything we say.

"I never said anything of the sort. He is just very effectively _fixes_ situations for me that is all I said. And no, what he has done for me in the past does not bother me. Kevin not being here _bothers_ me, my lost youth _bothers _me. We did what we needed to do to does it matter now?!" I spit at him unconsciously.

"It matters to me GOD DAMN IT! Why did none of this ever show up on any of your background checks? Is this why you ran from me after we made love that night because running and hiding has become so easy for you? I want to know his name NOW, Anastasia!" _That's _what his little tirade is about. He is pissed that someone was able to get something passed his crack security team. Figures.

"Lower your fucking voice, please. Do you really believe that we would give our real names to the Hospital and Police? Michael already had a juvie record and we had just been involved in a drive by with a drug dealer for fuck's sake. But if it makes you feel better his name was Jose Rodriguez." I sit back in my chair and regard him intently for a minute. He looks lost. I have to give him an in or an out or something to break this tension. As pissed off as we get each other. I would lay down my life for this man in a heartbeat.

I slide down on my knees in front of him and lace my fingers through his. I don't mean this in a sexual way, I just need to be close to him to tell him how I feel. I'm happy that he hasn't tried to pull away. I look up at him through my lashes and pour my heart out to him.

"Christian, none of this changes the way I feel about you. The only thing that has changed is that now you know that I am a fucked up abused alcoholic that couldn't stand to be touched until I met you. Even if you leave now I hope you find comfort in the fact that it will only ever be you for me, Christian. I will never be able to tolerate another man touching me the way you do. No matter how long you leave me for, you are it for me. I love you with all my heart and soul and always will." I whisper and look into his eyes expectantly. He puts his hands on my cheeks and pulls me up until I am staring into his eyes from not even an inch away.

"Anastasia, none of this changes the way I feel about you. I was a fucked up abused child that couldn't stand to be touched until I finally let you in. I am not going anywhere. You are it for me. I love you and only you with all my heart and soul and always will." He throws my own words back at me. My heart explodes and I pull him into a tender hug.

He hugs me back so tight I think I won't be able to breathe soon. Then he pulls away a little and looks me straight in the eye.

"Anastasia, will you please come see Flynn with me?...Oh, and come to Grey Sunday dinner with me?... And I want you to move in with me too, as soon as possible…" Is he serious? I can't help my giggle.

"Yes, Christian I will go see Flynn. Yes, I will go to Sunday dinner. And, No, Abso-fucking-lutely NOT!" I roll my eyes, laugh again and give him the wettest sloppiest kiss in the universe.

* * *

A/N – Ok, so I never really liked Jose too much. So why not make him into fucked up abusive, murdering drug dealer…..hehehehehe.

Next up – Christian sees his baby for the first time.


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25**

**Ana's POV**

I deepen our kiss a little but then pull away. His answering growl means I have him right where I want him. I'm gonna have some fun. There has been way too much drama tonight and I need a stress release.

"Christian, are we ok? I mean as ok as we can be for right now. Are we together? You did call me your _ex-girlfriend_ before." I look up at him with my best puppy dog eyes.

"Of course we are together, Anastasia. I only said that to see if I could get a rise out of you. You are the one that said that we couldn't just wake up and be back together and ok just like that. But yes we are ok. Sure we have things to get through, like the fact you don't want to live with me, but we'll make it." He pouts at me.

"Ok, come with me. I have something to show you." I smirk and start walking through the house with him following me. I show him the Library, my office, the kitchen, the gym and then we get to the most special room in the house.

"This is my _playroom_!" I swing the door open and can't contain my giggles as he looks at me in horror before actually taking in the room. It is an actual playroom. Filled to the brim with toys and games, there is a ping pong table and a pool table, dart board and old time video games. It's a big kid's dream. I pick up the ping pong paddle and give him a swift smack on the ass with it.

"Ouch, Ana, what the fuck?" He yells at me rubbing the spot on his ass where I laid the blow.

"I warned you before that I was going to return the favor. Now I've had enough playing. There is a chair placed at the end of my bed. Go take your clothes off and sit in that chair. Wait for me, I will be there soon." I want the power tonight and damn it he is going to give it to me this time.

"Ana, what are you…" I raise the paddle and give him another hard smack on the ass warning him not to fuck with me.

"Christian, I would hold your tongue if I were you. This paddle and I are becoming very fast friends. Now go do what I say or you will be punished." I give him the wickedest smirk I can muster. I put down the paddle and walk out of the room. I might have to revisit that again sometime, it was fun.

When I get back to my room I find that Christian has in fact been a very good boy. He is naked, sitting in the exact position I told him to be in. I have put on a see through lace nighty with no panties and 6 inch fuck me pumps. His expression immediately turns wild. Let the games begin.

**Christian's POV**

Holy FUUUCCCKKK! She looks fucking hot in that black lace getup and those fucking heels just screaming to be thrown over my shoulders while I'm pounding into her fucking beautiful pussy. She is playing this up for all she's got too. Just like the sexy kitten she is she crawls up the bed in front of me so I can see that she is pantiless. I reach out to grab her ass but she swats my hand away and wags her finger at me. She positions herself on her back with her legs wide open leaning up on her elbows. God, she looks inviting.

"Now, Mr. Grey, you are not to leave that chair. And whatever you do .COME! I will tell you when you will have your release. Are you ready to play this game with me, Mr. Grey?" I nod at her, shit I'm fucking hard as hell, let's see where she takes this.

"Good boy. Now I want you to stroke yourself. Do not move to touch me. Just watch. You said it turns you on to see me play with myself so let's see just how hot I can get you." She gives me this evil smile and leans back on one elbow pulling the pillows up under her back to prop herself up. I immediately lean back in the chair and start to stroke my length.

She licks her fingers and then brings them down to her swollen clit stroking herself in small little circles before dipping her fingers inside herself and pulling more moisture up to her waiting pleasure spot. She starts to gride her hips and moan and I think I am going to come right then. _Don't come, don't come, she told you not to come!_ I have to keep repeating this to myself to try and hold on to some precious control. But then she fucking takes her breast in her other hand and brings it up to her mouth. She swirls her tongue around her nipple before taking it in her own mouth and sucking hard. I'm lost I come violently all over the floor. FUCK! I've never seen a women suck on her own tits before.

"Tsk, Tsk, Tsk, Christian! Didn't I tell you NOT to come? Now you are going to have to be taught a lesson I'm afraid." She leans over and rubs her finger over the cum on the tip of my throbbing cock and then slides her finger into her mouth to lick it clean. If I hadn't just come so violently I would have come again watching that. I know what she is doing. She is playing Domme on me. Hell, if that is what she needs right now, I'll play along. She tops from the bottom half the time anyway.

"Kneel up on the bed facing the headboard. Grab on to each side. Do it now!" She gets off the bed and goes to retrieve something out of the drawer.

"Yes, Mistress." I whisper before climbing on the bed into position. She blindfolds me and binds my hands to the bed posts. Now I am getting nervous. No woman has done this to me since Elena and I'm not sure I want these kinds of memories dug up again. _But this is not Elena, this is your Ana._

"You remember your safe words, don't you Christian?" What the hell is she going to do to me that I need safe words? I can feel myself start to hyperventilate.

"Ye-es, Mistress." I manage to squeak out before I feel her position herself behind me on the bed.

"You will NOT call me that, Christian. That is what you called the one who will not be named. I am not her am I Christian? You will call me _LOVE_. You love me don't you, Christian?" She whispers from somewhere behind me.

"Yes, Mi…..LOVE." I catch myself before I make another mistake. My heart is pounding but I'm rock hard again anyway.

"_LOVE_ will not hurt you! _LOVE_ will always see you though. You trust _LOVE_, don't you, Christian?" She growls in my other ear. She is moving around to keep me off balance. So I can't tell where she is coming from next.

"Yes, Love!" Love won't hurt me. My love, Ana won't hurt me. I keep repeating this to myself over and over.

"I am going to give you 6 whacks as your punishment and you will count with me. Do you know why you are being punished?" She starts to caress my ass. Where the hell did she get this? I never punishment spanked her before. She wouldn't have any of that, only a few playful swats now and then until this afternoon. My mind is blank. What did she ask?

"Um….because I was bad and came on your floor when you told me not to?" It comes out as more of a question than an answer. It's like I'm a fucking teenager again.

"No, Christian, although I may have to add a whack for that one too. You will receive 1 whack for leaving me in that damn jail. You will receive another for giving _her_ the power you wouldn't give to me. The other 4 are 1 for each month we spent apart. You are damn well going to give me the trust and control that you should have given me 4 fucking months ago. And if you are a good boy then maybe I will fuck you with my mouth and let you come. Now COUNT!" And with that the first blow comes down hard on my ass.

"ONE!" I scream out, surprised by the sting of the blow. I had forgotten what this feels like.

"TWO!" I groan. She was easier on that one. _I can do this for her. I can do this for her. _

"THREEEEE!" Harder again. She keeps hitting the same spot too. My senses are so overwhelmed. My thighs are spread wide on the bed, my cock hanging heavy between them. God I want to stroke myself sooooo bad. I need some friction but I can't move since I am bound to the bed. I try to spread my legs a little further so I can rub myself on the mattress but she catches me.

"Is this what you're looking for, baby?" She purrs and snakes her hand around from behind me to give me three long strokes before withdrawing her hand again. God, I am going to explode.

"Now that would be cheating. You're doing so well, baby. But if I catch you doing that again I will add 5 more blows to that fine ass of yours." I can tell that she is smirking. She is rubbing my ass again where she hit me.

"FFFFFOOOOUUURRR! _**WHACK!**_ Oh, hot damn that was hard! Shit, she moved to the other cheek right above my balls. I wasn't expecting that.

"FIVE!" I whimper. I can't take this anymore. Is this really how all my Subs felt? Why did I ever like doing this to anyone? I'm pulling so hard on my restraints that I can feel them chafing my skin. She actually had rope in that fucking drawer by her bed. I should have looked in it when she gave me the chance.

"Six." I cry softly. It's over. I made it. I did it for her. I can't believe I ever thought I needed that shit. All I need is _my _Ana.

"Sshhh, Sshhhh, it's ok, baby. You did great. You will have your release now." She positions herself between me and the headboard but does not move to release me or remove the blindfold.

I shudder when I feel her take me in her hand and swirl her tongue around the tip of my aching cock. "Ok baby, I want you to fuck my mouth. I am not done claiming you yet." She purrs. I can't see what position she is in but when I feel her slide her lips over my head I take that as my cue to start moving my hips. I am so overwhelmed by sensations. I think that I am still whimpering and moaning at the same time but I can't tell which sounds are coming from whom. I am so close, I can feel myself tighten. _HOLY FUCKING HELL!_ She just slid her finger into my _ASS_! She is fingering my ass while sucking my cock and it feels so right, so wrong, so good, soooo I don't fucking know. I erupt into the most mind blowing, earth shattering orgasm ever. It just keeps going and going, I just can't seem to stop coming.

"There, there, baby. That's it. Now every single inch of your body belongs to me!" She sits up and releases my hands and pulls off the blindfold. I fall onto the bed and curl up on my side. My whole body feels like jello and is still twitching. Fuck, what did she do to me? Whatever it is I already know I'll never be the same. I feel her start to rub cream on my ass while cooing in my ear about sleep. It doesn't take me long to succumb to her wishes and I am lost in dreams of dominant bright blue eyes.

**Michael's POV**

I think I hate these two more and more every minute. I think they were louder last night on purpose just because I told them to keep it down. Well, if there's one thing I know, it's that if I can be a dick then Ana can definitely be a Bitch when she wants to. Then the fuckers had the nerve to start up again this morning, louder than ever. That shits just not right.

I must admit though this fucking helicopter is cool. I'm trying my best not to look impressed but shit the fucker can actually fly it himself too. I mean I'm wealthy in my own right but this ass is fucking ridiculous. At least I know that if he sticks it out then Ana and the little one will never want for anything, not that they would have anyway with me around but there is nothing like having your real parents there for you either. At least that is what we have been told. Ana doesn't have the best staying power so I hope she doesn't fuck this up. They really do look happy right now.

We land and I can tell Grey wants rid of me as soon as possible. I can't say I blame him. I've had the whole pregnancy to take part in this kind of shit. This is his first opportunity.

"Banner, you coming with us or are we picking you up later?" He is much more docile today. I guess Ana tying him to the bed and whipping the shit out of him helped put his stank attitude into check. Even without the counting and the screaming last night or the way he couldn't sit down right I would be able to tell what they are in to. Just the way he leered at her while strapping her into the helicopter or those tell-tale rope burns on his wrists would give them away. He thought he hid them pretty well but I am paid to be observant. _Among other things._

"No, just have them print me a picture too. I'll meet up with you guys later. Ana can call me when you either want to leave or have dinner. I have some business to attend to." That's right fucker, I may be willing to give you the benefit of the doubt and play nice for Ana's sake but I'm still going to do everything in my power to make sure she is safe. And there are still just too many unanswered questions revolving around a certain dead blond bitch to let go. Why is he not at all upset? Why did his Mother, who was suppose to be her best friend not even give her a memorial service? What are they hiding? Never mind all his crazy ass ex-subs he's got running around. Yes, I know all about his past. I am good at what I do. I can't wait to see what mother fuckers will come out of the wood work when it gets out that Ana's baby is his. This is gonna be a fucking nightmare. I need answers.

**Ana's POV**

Christian and Michael seemed to be able to at least tolerate each other this morning. Although from his scowl over breakfast I could tell that we were loud enough for Michael to hear us this morning. I told Christian to lay off. Once in the bed, then the shower, then the closet when I was trying to get dressed was enough. But then I had to blow him while he was on the phone with Taylor so I guess I kind of got him back. I could fuck that man 24/7 and never get bored. I feel bad about Christian's wrists. I hadn't realized that I had tied the rope so tight. He told me not to worry about it but I may have to buy him a new watch and bracelet just to cover them up.

We check in to Dr. Brewster's office and are told to have a seat that the Doctor will be with us shortly. Usually, a Sonogram tech would do the ultrasound and print off measurements and pictures and then I would go over everything with the Doctor but this time I called and asked if Dr. Brewster would mind doing the Ultrasound himself since it is Christian's first time. The nurse calls us in and goes through her usual routine of having me gown up, taking my weight and blood pressure while asking me if there have been any issues since my last appointment. I can feel Christian tense next to me when she asks that last question but I assure them both that nothing has been out of the ordinary. My blood pressure is a little high so I am once again instructed to lie on my left side so they can retake it later. For the love of God, Christian looks like a frightened animal, of course my pressure is going to be elevated. He keeps patting my hand telling me everything will be alright, which I know is more for his benefit then for mine. Finally Dr. Brewster comes in and I immediately want to smack him.

"So, Hi again Ana. Mr. Grey, I see Ana has finally gotten her head removed from her ass and invited you to be involved." He smirks at me and offers his hand to Christian. Jackass, but I love him.

"Pleasure to meet you Doctor." Christian is always so formal.

"So first off, I would usually do the sonogram first and then do a question and answer session right after but since I have a feeling this is going to be a rather emotional visit I think we will go through any questions you may have first." He looks at us both expectantly.

"I have no questions right now other than to know that the baby is progressing as it should. Christian?" I begin and then nudge Christian to ask whatever he needs to know. Dr. Brewster shifts all his focus to Christian.

"Yes, well. Um…Ana and I….well…..you see…." He is not pulling off his usually calm CEO persona very well right now.

"You want to know about _sex_?" Thank the good Doctor for saving him from himself.

"Yes, Ana told me about the loss of the other baby and I was just wondering how that affects this baby going forward. We have been very _active _in the past few days." He places his hand on my belly and looks so sad.

"Of course, I understand your concerns. As with any pregnancy, previous complications do increase the risk of further complications but Ana has been doing very well after that last disappointment. There is no reason to believe that anything more will go wrong. It is of course possible with any pregnancy but I don't see any reason for extra concern right now. While I don't suggest you tie her to the bed and pound into her with all you've got, sex is definitely acceptable. It can actually be very beneficial to relaxing the woman and is usually encouraged." I can't believe he just said that. To Christian's credit he doesn't even flinch.

"Thank you, Doctor. I am sure I had other questions but I am so excited about seeing our baby for the first time that I can't seem to remember them right now." He smiles at me and takes my hand again.

"That is understandable, Mr. Grey. I will make sure you have all my contact information before you leave and you can call or e-mail me when you remember them. If that is all then let's get this show on the road. Mr. Grey, please sit on that side of Ana and I will be on this side. This way we can all see the screen. I will do the 3D imaging first so you can get a good picture of the baby's face and then I will switch to the traditional so I can get a better look at the bone formation and blood vessels. Do we want to know the sex?" He smiles between both of us.

"NO!" me.

"YES!" Christian.

We both look at each other and Christian nods at me to have my way. "No, Dr. Brewster. The baby will stay Baby Blip until it is born. I want it to be a surprise." I squeeze Christian's hand and give him a shy smile.

"Baby Blip?" He whispers in my ear.

"Yes, when Dr. Brewster did the first sonogram with me all the baby was, was a little blip on the screen so that became its nickname." I kiss his hand and turn my attention to the screen that is now coming to life.

Dr. Brewster squirts some cold sono gel on my tummy and starts to slide the wand around. Usually he has to point out the important things to me. After several clicks and beeps and what I can only assume are different angles he addresses us.

"Ok, Mr. Gr.." Christian holds up his hand to stop him. Oh, NO.

"Please, Doctor, call me Christian." The Doctor and I both smile at him and we continue.

"Ok, Christian, Ana are we ready to see the little one? It has its fingers over part of its eye but it is still the cutest angle I could get. There is its face, there's the hands and feet…. And let me just flip this switch here…..there is its heartbeat." He points everything out, clicks a few more buttons and flips the switch that fills the air with the beautiful music of swoosh, swoosh, swoosh.

There are no words. I'm staring at the screen and trying to focus back on what Dr. Brewster is saying. "Ok, I have printed off a few pictures of the baby's face for you. Now I am going to switch to the traditional sonogram and take a look at the baby's structure." The Doctor goes about his business, this is the technical part and as long as he tells me everything is peachy I really don't follow it.

I finally take a moment to steal a glance at Christian and I am shocked to see tears flowing down his cheeks. He is not saying anything, just staring at my stomach, silently crying. I don't say a word. I let him have his moment. I feel like shit. I robbed him of this for so long. He picks up his shaky hand and brushes it across the top of my abdomen before resting it there until Dr. Brewster calls out to know what just happened. I had almost forgotten he was here.

"Whoa! What was that? I have got to get a picture of this! What did you guys do?" He looks at us puzzled but very excited.

"Um..I just brushed my hand across her belly. Did I do something wrong?" Christian asks him worry lacing his voice.

"No, no, nothing wrong at all. I guess the little one approves of you being here and your touch too. Check out this screen. Your baby just gave you a thumbs up, Daddy!" He turns the screen back towards us and starts laughing. Christian leans over and gives the baby a kiss and whispers that he loves them then he leans my way, tears now running down his cheeks again. "I love you, Ana" he whispers. I grab his hair and pull him farther down for a kiss. "I love you too, Christian, so much."

* * *

A/N – I am terribly sorry for missing my usual Friday update. I had a really fucked up week and to be honesty without BannersandMash dealing with my constant e-mails back and forth I don't think I would have made it through it. She is trying to get some more attention to her blog "Silver and Spice". please show her some love.

Thanks to Sya Damon for mentioning me and "more than we seem?" on Facebook. I really appreciate that. And Alex and Vanessa for the nice comments on that thread too.

Shout out to ShadoeCoon for the paddle idea a few chapters ago. I just couldn't pass it up. It was too fun.


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter 26**

**Ana's POV**

This week has been such a roller coaster. I still don't really believe it all went down this way sometimes. On Monday I was resigned to live without him, knowing that even though I couldn't have him I still had a piece of him that would connect me to him for life. Tuesday was a challenge to say the least. Seeing him again was both wonderful and heartbreaking at the same time, then of course the fiasco with Elena was just the icing on a very big cake. Wednesday was the worst day of my life. Pregnant and arrested was bad enough but to have the man you love with all your heart leave you there was unbearable. Thursday morning was unreal. No way in hell did I believe that I would have spent that entire day in that same man's arms and still have him there after all my shit that I dumped in his lap. Friday was a beautiful high. Christian's reaction to seeing Blip on the sonogram was priceless. Michael decided to stay in Portland to handle some business so me a Christian spent the entire evening lost in each other. It was the most restful night's sleep of the last 5 months.

Today, I am back to being apprehensive. It is Saturday and time to go see Dr. Flynn. Tomorrow will be Grey Sunday dinner, which I am also terrified of. I have cooked breakfast and Taylor is outside waiting to take me to my doom. I know Christian already knows the majority of what we will discuss but trying to get to "the root of all evil" as they say is a useless endeavor to me. Who gives a shit why I am the way I am? It won't change anything now anyway. Christian says that he is worried that if I don't discuss the triggers for my behavior then after the baby is born what will stop me from turning right back into the same bottle I came out of. I guess he has a right to be worried. I can't see the future or assure him with absolute certainty that nothing will ever come back to bite me in the ass. Well, let's get this show on the road then.

**Christian's POV**

Yesterday was absolutely the best day of my life. Seeing my child for the first time was fucking amazing. The little one actually gave me a "thumbs up" too. I wonder if it can sense that I need all the reassurance I can get. I'm still not positive that I can do the whole "father" thing but I know in all my black tainted soul that for them I will do anything. Taylor and Carrick are both excellent fathers so at least I have people around that I can turn to if things start falling apart.

Ana has been exceptionally distant and jumpy this morning. I know she is worried about Flynn but I really believe that she needs this. She needs to understand why she keeps repeating the same destructive behaviors. Especially with a baby on the way, I personally know what it is like to be born to a mother with an addiction. I know an Alcoholic and a Crack Whore are very different but addiction is addiction. It consumes your life and I can see Ana closing herself off from me and running back to her addiction when the going gets tough. She has done it before. I have done it before. Ella did it until it killed her. The whole situation terrifies me.

We have a lot to discuss today. Since there are two of us I had Flynn give us a double session. Instead of 1 hour we will be hashing out all our issues for a full two. This should be fun. We are in the SUV heading to Flynn's office and Ana won't come near me. It is starting already. She is withdrawing into herself. She just stares out the window into space. I'm at a loss. Do I try to hug and comfort her? Do I leave her to her thoughts? Fuck it, I slide across the back seat and put my arm around her. She doesn't move her eyes from the window or speak to me. She just sighs and leans back in her seat. The tension is radiating off her in waves. Fuck, maybe I am pushing too hard too fast. I hope this turns out better that this feels.

**Flynn's POV**

Shit, I could have only this one patient and still be busy until the end of time sifting through all his bullshit. This is why I am yet again in the office on a fucking weekend instead of with my own wife and kids. The only thing keeping me from losing my own damn mind is the fact that he is rarely boring. Now throwing her into the mix will definitely be interesting. Besides he has agreed to come in very early so I should be back home by noon. He and all his money can go to hell if he thinks I'm going to be stuck in his mind any longer than I have to this weekend. Even I deserve a fucking break now and then. Besides if I'm not home in the allotted time my wife will cut off my balls and feed them to me in a fine stew. Not something I am looking forward to. Aahh, they are here.

"Good morning Christian, Ana. Please come in." I lead them into my office and motion towards the seats for them, taking my seat behind my desk.

"Hey John." Christian says taking his seat on the couch instead of one of the single chairs that he usually sits in.

"Good Morning, Dr. Flynn." Ana takes a seat in the single chair across from Christian and I notice the crushed look on his face. She has been rubbing her hand across her belly since she walked in the door. It must be some sort of comfort measure for her. Already my interest is piqued. I knew they wouldn't be boring.

"Ana, please you can call me John or just Flynn if you prefer. It is lovely to see you outside of those stuffy functions. You and the baby look well." She nods and looks down and stops rubbing as if she has just realized she was doing it at all.

"Ok, what would you two like to discuss on this fine morning? I am under the impression that the two of you have had quite a few days." I shift my gaze between both of them searching for who will take the lead. As usual it is Christian.

"Well, John. There are a lot of issues with our reconciliation that we would like to discuss but also some issues Ana…" He is cut off by Ana raising her hand to stop him.

"Um, if I may interject for a moment? Yes, we do need to discuss issues regarding trust, control, sex and this little one here but as for discussions about my past, I would prefer if those were private sessions." She looks only at me and I see now why she decided to sit alone. She knew that statement would hurt him and true to that thought he looks as if she just smacked him in the face.

"Of course that is acceptable to me. Christian, I can tell be your face that you didn't know those were Ana's feelings. Is that why you sat alone instead of next to Christian, Ana?" I look at her to respond first as Christian still doesn't look like he has gotten over the shock that has now visibly turned to anger.

"I really didn't sit away from him consciously. But looking at it now I guess I knew that not wanting him here would hurt him and I instinctively distance myself from unpleasant situations." This girl is smart. She already knows why she does certain things. I guess Christian was wrong about her needing me to figure out the "why" I believe I will be more help by trying to help her learn difference responses to her issues.

"Christian, how do you feel about Ana's request?" I see him lean forward and silently count before starting to speak. It is a trick I taught him to try and control his temper.

"Well, obviously I am not the happiest about it but if that is what she needs and she will continue to see you then I guess I have no choice, _AGAIN._" He sneers through gritted teeth.

"What do you mean by "again"?" I ask.

"Well, I had no choice in helping her pick her Doctor, her home, her car, the baby's nursery. Shit, I had no choice in whether or not I even knew I was having a child. I fucking found out by accident! Now it seems I have no choice in whether I am able to help her with her past either. She is cutting me out _AGAIN!"_ I think he has finished but he just takes a deep breath and continues ranting. "Fuck, I asked her to live with me but _A-FUCKING-GAIN _she said absolutely not and because of that there wasn't even a discussion about it. Ana just does whatever the fuck Ana wants to do with no consideration of how that affects _ME_!" Now it is Ana's turn to look like he has smacked her in the face.

"NO CONSIDERATION! NO Consideration! Do you truly believe I left you for ME? I let you go for YOU! YOU thought that loving me was turning you into some sort of monster! I knew you could be happy in your old lifestyle! I knew you didn't want this baby! That you felt like if I got pregnant it was to trap you. You said so yourself. I told you I made those other choices without you because I really believed that even if you ever found out about the baby that you wouldn't stay. For that I am deeply sorry but don't you _EVER_ think that I did all of this for _ME!_ As for moving in with you, there was never any discussion to have. You asked me to live with you. You asked me to give up the only home that I have ever felt safe in to move into the apartment that you had _them _in, the place you had _HER _in! The same place that you kicked me out of. The same place where I made love to you for the first time and then turned my back on the one person that I ever loved. I can't even think about your apartment without making myself sick. Maybe if you had suggested living with me instead there could have been a discussion." She shifts in her seat so as not to look at him, anger pouring out of every one of her pores.

"Ok, this is a start. Christian you feel left out and Ana you feel as if you have to defend yourself to him. Christian, I really believe that Ana is not purposely trying to cut you out this time by requesting private sessions. I believe, and Ana you can stop me if I'm wrong. But I believe that if you are here for those sessions then she will try to be strong and feel and say what she thinks you think she should feel and say instead of trying to figure out her own views on the subject. Do I have that about right?" Ana nods and Christian looks like he is considering this as possible.

"Can I ask one question? It is the only question I will ever ask regarding your past Ana if that is what you want but it has to do with trust so I believe it directly affects our situation now." He asks her directly ignoring me but she looks at me instead.

"Christian, ask your question but if it makes her uncomfortable she is under no obligation to answer ok?" Ana nods at me and I nod at him to continue.

"Why men, Ana? Why are you so much more forgiving and trusting of men than women? You have a male OB, you have mostly male friends. Yet men are the ones that abused you as a teenager. I just don't understand it. It makes me uncomfortable." He finishes and looks like he is going to cry. I turn my focus to Ana.

"Is that something you are willing to discuss with him Ana?" She nods and begins to tell him her explaination. She is so much like Christian it is uncanny. She has completely disconnected. Her voice is even and cold. She shows no emotions or tears in her eyes.

"That is simple. Women are manipulative lying fuckers that should not be trusted. They will turn their backs on you in a heartbeat. They will fuck your boyfriends without even batting an eye just to turn around and smile in your face the next minute. They will blame you for everything that has ever gone wrong in your life like you asked to be born in the first place. Men might only want one thing from you but at least they are fucking honest about it. And once they know it is never going to happen most back off without a problem and get over it." Like I said, smart girl. I'm sure she understands that this may not be the most appropriate response to what had happened to her and then she says exactly what I was thinking.

"I know that is not what "normal" people would think is an appropriate attitude but it is what it is. This is the way that I taught myself to handle things. It is what worked the best other than the alcohol to keep the demons at bay. I would just really like to talk about me and Christian now. I'll start. The other day we were having sex and he spanked me hard. I liked it and that terrifies me. I am sure Christian has let you in on the fact that I have a similar aversion to touch as he does and I never wanted to associate him with a harsh touch like that. And to have enjoyed it so much blows my mind." She is very good at this. She just managed to take a problem from her past and bring up a problem she has now without actually talking about the past problem with Christian in the room. Wonderful.

"Ok, let's talk about that. Do you believe that wanting him to spank you is going to lead to more violent things with him? Or do you believe that you will now associate him with harshness and it will distort your feelings for him?" She looks confused for a minute.

"Well, both I think. I think I am worried that he won't be able to keep it just spanking because of his like of violence and I am afraid that I will not find his touch loving anymore and I never want to associate Christian with bad memories." Boy these two are complicated!

"Well, Christian how do you feel about what Ana is worried about? What were you thinking when you decided to spank her?" God, why didn't I become a nice Pediatrician instead?

"I really wasn't thinking at that moment. I needed something, she needed something and that's just how it played out. I was actually shocked that she didn't run after. She was always so against the rough stuff before. A nice soft little swat was all I ever got before. I won't lie though I would love to tie her up and fuck her hard until she screams into next week but the really hard canes and whips and clamps she has nothing to worry about. No matter how frenzied I get I could never imagine using them on her. She has all the control as I believe she proved not long after that when she tied me up and slipped her finger into my ass. The last person who tried anal play with me was Elena and she didn't get that far. I almost killed her for even trying but with Ana I loved it and that is what scares the shit out of me. No pun intended. I never thought I would ever trust anyone enough to let them tie me up again. But Ana I trust mind, body and soul. She is my _everything_." And there it is they actually both have emotion in their eyes. For Ana it is the first emotion I have seen from her in this entire session. I almost spit my coffee all over my desk because of it but it is definitely there. I think I will leave the "ass" thing for the next session though. Right now I don't know whether to laugh, cry or choke because of it.

"It is obvious that this has become very emotional for you both so I think it is best that we leave it there for today. I want you to both make appointments for individual sessions and an appointment for a joint session as well. I am going to give both of you homework as well. Ana, if any decisions come up in the near future please try to include Christian in making them. Christian if you feel Ana is pulling away from you again then do not wait until you get here to bring it up. Talk to her. Let her know how you are feeling. Ok, I'll see you next week and preferably not the weekend." I smirk and walk them to the door. These two are going to be the death of me. We haven't ever scratched the surface yet.

* * *

A/N – Sorry for going MIA this past week but it couldn't be avoided. I know I could have put a lot more into this session with Flynn but I really wanted to get something out to you guys before it got too late. I am terribly sorry for not responding to any reviews for the last chapter like I usually do but hopefully I will be able to start responding again this week. I should be wrapping up this story by chapter 30 or so. I never meant it to be this long in the first place and I really want to have it done before I go on summer vacation. That and the fact that you guys know me. I don't do hearts and flowers, love and romance so after the baby is born I really have nothing left and there is no point in dragging it out. I want you guys to remember it for the angst and drama that it was originally and what you liked it for in the first place. Do not worry though. I will fit in Grace/Elena, the birth and whether or not they live together or get married before I end it.


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